Stay Strong
by omgg8764
Summary: Sequel to my first story Keep Fighting! It picks up during the epilogue of KF and follows Sydney Harper as she tries to pick up the pieces of post-war Panem. All of squad 451 will be back! Rated M for later. Read KF first or you'll be confused! R
1. Chapter 1

Note: HERE IT IS! The sequel to my original story Keep Fighting. This one follows Sydney Harper during and after the epilogue of Keep Fighting. If you haven't read that story yet, you'll probably be extremely confused, so go read it first! I promise it's worth it. We pick up right after Katniss and Peeta leave thirteen to go home, and Sydney and Gale remain to pick up the pieces of Panem and put them back together.

I watched the door slowly close behind her as she walked out of the apartment for the last time. It was really happening. I sunk down into the small couch that decorated the living room and put my head in my hands, letting out a deep sigh. I wasn't sure if it was relief or sadness or some strange combination of both, but I knew one thing for sure; the nightmare was over.

Of course I was upset that Katniss was leaving district thirteen for good. She had become my best friend and sister over the past two months, and letting her leave was hard, but I would see her soon, and I knew this was the best thing for her to do. After everything that had happened to us, she deserved to go home and be happy. She deserved to relax. We all did.

"Are you alright Sydney?" I felt the couch dip down next to me, and Gale's hand rested on my knee. I nodded my head without lifting it. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to cry. I leaned my head into Gale and buried my face in his chest. I felt the tears start to roll down my cheeks, and I didn't bother stopping them. He wrapped his strong arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head. He didn't say a word, and I was grateful for that. Gale always knew exactly what to do when I was upset, should it be trying to talk it out or just letting me complain. That was one of the things I appreciated most about our relationship. He knew me better than anyone, and I could always rely on him to be there when I needed him most.

Was it a relationship? I wasn't totally sure. I had spent practically all of my time with him since we got out of the Capitol prison, but it wasn't like we were Katniss and Peeta. We didn't share a bed or parade ourselves around as a couple. We hadn't talked about what we were exactly, and I didn't want to bring it up. This was comfortable. This was nice, but most importantly, this was easy. I had fallen head over heels in love with Gale over the past two weeks. If I had liked him before, it was nothing compared to now. He was my rock, and I needed him more than anything. It wasn't that I didn't think he felt the same about me, it was just that I was afraid that trying anything more would ruin what we already had. Did I want to rip all of his clothes of and jump on him? Yes. Would I? No. I could stab myself in the stomach with a knife or take on the most powerful dictator in Panem, but when it came to love I was terrified.

Katniss got frustrated with us. I remember a specific conversation we had over lunch two days before she left. "Why don't you just go for it?" She said with an exasperated sigh. "I'm sick of watching you both chicken out every time something's about to happen."

"It's more complicated than that." I answered, stirring my food around my plate anxiously. "I'm afraid of losing him. If we try something and it doesn't work, I don't want to destroy what we have now. I couldn't handle that. I need him Katniss. I need him by my side or I don't think I could force myself to wake up in the morning."

She threw her fork down on her plate and glared at me. "It's called love Syd! That's why you go after it. You're not going to lose him. You two are perfect for each other, and if you never take the next step, you'll never find out exactly what you're missing." I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my chair, running my hands through my hair. She didn't understand. It had never been like that with her and Peeta. He had been all over her since they met, so she never had to worry about rejection. When I brought this up to her, she laughed at me.

"You honestly think Gale will reject you? Sydney…he's in love with you. He would bend over backwards to make you happy. I've never seen him like this, and I've known him for a long time. He's waiting for you to make the first move because he's scared just like you are." She put her hand on my arm. "Look, if neither of you do anything, you'll lose your chance. Just go for it. You'll never get anywhere in life if you don't try."

"I hate when you make sense." I said, standing up and putting my tray on the conveyor. I could feel the smirk from across the room, so I turned and glared at her. She just kept smiling all the way to training. I knew she was right, but even after that I hadn't done anything, but neither had he.

I stopped crying and pulled myself away from him, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. I frowned when I saw the numbers engraved on my forearm, the everlasting reminder of what I had been through. I turned my head and looked into Gale's deep grey eyes. They were soft and strong, and he looked so concerned for me. Having people who cared about me wasn't something I was used to, but I had to admit that it was a nice feeling. "I'll be fine." I said, running my hand through his dark brown hair. He was still frowning, wondering if my breakdown would continue. "It's just sad. That the squad's disbanding. I'm going to miss everyone."

"It is sad, but we'll see them soon. I'm sure everyone will travel to twelve for the wedding. None of us would miss it for the world. Everyone's moving on, but it's not over. Finnick and Furman will both still live in thirteen, and the Commander has big plans for you, so it's not so bad." I nodded my head in agreement.

"It's mainly them, Katniss and Peeta. They're the heart of this squad."

"I know you're going to miss her. It's tough letting those Everdeens go." He smiled at me and laughed. I thought about Prim. It wasn't just Katniss who was moving back to thirteen. Prim was leaving too.

It had been hard at first, being around her. Every time I looked at her I wanted to go back in time and make it so she wasn't hurt. I would have figured something out, a better way to sacrifice myself for her. Seeing her in that chair broke my heart, and it took me a while to even speak to her at first. We had formed a bond in the arena that couldn't be broken, but it didn't change the fact that I felt sick when she came around me. If she hadn't tried to save my life, she never would have been burned.

I had said goodbye to the younger Everdeen earlier that day. I knocked on her compartment door, and her mother answered. "Is Prim here?" I asked softly, leaning against the doorframe. I knew Mrs. Everdeen didn't hate me, but she wasn't my biggest fan after what had happened to Prim. She was getting over it, but it would take a while, which I understood. It didn't hurt that I had saved Katniss' life in prison and her sanity in the arena by saving her from choosing between Prim and me. She nodded and moved aside to let me in, pointing down the hallway.

Prim was setting her things into a small suitcase. She was struggling to put the last dress in the top because she sat down too low in her wheelchair, so I quickly walked over and helped her. I pulled the zipper around the suitcase and it closed nicely, and Prim smiled at me. "Thanks. I'm not tall enough for that." She always said things like that. She never referred to herself as crippled or disabled, and she tried to do everything normally, but when she couldn't manage it, she would say she wasn't tall enough or strong enough or old enough. She never said she couldn't because of her disability, and I admired her for that.

"Well you're lucky I was here to rescue you." I said suavely, raising my eyebrows at her. She let out a high-pitched giggle. "So are you excited to go home?" I asked as I picked the suit case up off the bed. She nodded her head feverishly, and winced at the pain. Sudden movements were the worst, and it took her a moment to recover.

"They say I'll get even better there. There is no limit to how fast I'll recover, and when I'm well enough, I'll even get a fake foot. Then Peeta and I will be twins." I laughed and tussled her hair. She often made these comments to Peeta, and he would scoff at her, which made us all laugh. "But I'm kind of sad. Our life here wasn't so bad. I know they say that I'll be better off back home, but I'm going to miss it in thirteen. You're here. And Finnick and Gale and Commander Jacobs, plus all of the doctors and nurses I've worked with. It's just hard to leave something like this behind." She sighed and wheeled herself around, heading out the door. I grabbed the suitcase from the floor and followed her. It amazed me how mature Prim could be.

We walked out into the living room, and Mrs. Everdeen took the bag off my hands. She mouthed a thank you to me, and walked out the door. Prim took one last look around. "Goodbye compartment. I'll miss your stuffy rooms and your terrible water pressure." She blew it one last sarcastic kiss. I knelt down and hugged her lightly, being careful not to irritate her burns.

"I'm going to miss you." I said sadly. We had spent a lot of time together while she was recovering, and she had helped me pull through the depression I was thrown into after the games.

"Don't be sad Sydney. We'll always be with each other, at least in spirit and memories. I don't know about you, but I'll never forget what you did for me in those games. We helped each other survive, and you can't break a bond like that. You're stuck with me forever." She wheeled out the door and I followed, shutting it behind me. "You're something else Sydney Harper. You're going to do amazing things someday, I know it."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Whatever you say Prim." I knew I was going to be placed in command, and I hoped I could make a difference, but I didn't know how many great things I would do. Things were finally looking up for Panem, and I definitely wanted to help in anyway I could. "I've got to go say goodbye to your sister. She's undoubtedly crying her eyes out anticipating our separation." I said sarcastically. I kissed Prim on the forehead. "Goodbye Prim. Enjoy your home, and keep your sister sane for me."

"They're both pretty amazing." I said to Gale, snapping out of my memories and back into reality. "But I think we'll make it by without them." I paused for a moment, wondering if I should ask my next question. I decided to go for it; unsure of the answer I wanted to hear. "Did you think about going back home with them? Did you want to?"

He shook his head. "No way. You're here, so that's where I want to be. District twelve is great and all, but a world without you is not one that I want to live in, so I'm staying." For the first time, I noticed how close his face was to mine. He stared deeply into my eyes, and I knew he meant it. It wasn't a line or an act or a joke. He really only wanted to be around me, and I knew I felt the same way. I glanced at his full, beautiful lips and I knew I had to go for it. He moved his mouth closer to mine and paused, waiting for me to acknowledge that it was ok. I bit my lip softly and moved closer to him. I wanted this more than anything, and he needed to know that. I closed my eyes and I could feel his lips brush against mine. Just as I moved in to kiss him back, a loud rapping on the door pulled us apart.

He cleared his throat. "I'll get it." I sighed and let go of his knee. This was my luck in a nutshell. I could feel the heat in my cheeks from being so close to him, and I tried to calm my breathing down. Only Gale Hawthorne could set my heart on fire like this. I looked up at the door and noticed Haymitch standing in the doorway. He didn't say anything, he just pointed his finger at me and wagged it, signaling for me to come with him.

I put my hand on Gale's arm. "I'll be back soon." Gale nodded and watched me go as I stepped past him out the door with Haymitch. "This better be important." I said angrily.

"O I do apologize Ms. Harper, did I interrupt something?" He grinned from ear to ear. "We'll I didn't mean to. It's just, we're about to discuss the fate of President Snow, and I figured you would be very interested in that." My head snapped to face him and my eyes narrowed. He only continued to smile at me as we made our way through the maze of corridors that lead to the control room. What had happened with Gale would happen again, but this was about vengeance. I would only get this chance once.

Haymitch input his I.D. and stepped through the sliding doorway into the control room. The generals council was assembled around a large circular table with an animated touch screen display. It allowed us to bring up videos or documents that would be important to the various meetings that were held there, and the advanced technology put every piece of human history at the tips of our fingers. Haymitch took his seat at the head of the table. Commander Jacobs was to his right, and General Hartford was to his left. The second in command of the rebel army was a small man with a bushy mustache and a constant look of contempt written across his face. He rarely ever smiled, and when he did, it was only sarcastically or in response to someone being insulted. He was an annoying little man, but he was also a good leader and had stood up for me when I insisted Katniss be set free. He gave me a slight nod as I walked in.

Colonel Stone lifted his hand in a small wave and greeted me with a boomingly loud hello as I took my seat across from him and next to Commander Jacobs. The contrast between him and General Hartford made me snicker and shake my head. While Hartford's feet struggled to hit the floor, Stone took up his entire chair and then some. His enormous mass looked like it was going to make the chair burst in two, and if you didn't know him you would probably be extremely intimidated by his size, but to me he was just a big teddy bear, and besides Commander Jacobs, he was by far my favorite General.

It was true that they all weren't "Generals", but we called it the generals council because these were the leaders of the new army of Panem. There were Hartford and Stone and Jacobs, then seated immediately to my right was Colonel Dolouth. Next to him sat General Quan. Rounding out the group on the opposite side of the table were two young lieutenants whose last names were Bryant and Maddock. They were new to the group and, like me, they were mostly here to observe and learn. It was a way to train the next generation of leaders so they could learn from the good men that came before them, and the chain of corruption could stop with my step-mother.

I knew that I respected and liked each of these men, even if they were a little bit stubborn and quick to angry, but every time I looked around the room, I couldn't help but think that each and every one of them would have let me die in that arena. They didn't do anything to stop my mother when she had been President, and while I got along with them, the only people I could really trust were Jacobs and Haymitch. I prided myself on my ability to read people, and I sensed a weakness in each of these men. There was a reason none of them had stepped up when the role of President became available. They didn't have the guts or the will to be true leaders. They needed someone to show them the way, which is why they hadn't defied Coin. These men couldn't survive without a higher power to point them in the right direction.

"What are we waiting for?" I asked Haymitch. We were all here. I didn't understand why the meeting couldn't just begin.

"We're missing someone. There's been a new addition to the council." I looked at him with a furrowed brow. A new addition? I noticed the empty chair at the end of the table for the first time, and I felt uneasy. We had finished rounding out the general's council days ago. There didn't need to be anyone new. I sighed and crossed my arms.

We waited for about thirty more minutes, and my tolerance was at an end. I had always been told that patience was a virtue, but if that was true, it was one that I did not possess. I dug my nails into my arm to try to contain my anger. I felt like yelling at Haymitch. Who was so high and mighty that they thought they could keep us all waiting?

At that moment, the sliding door opened one more time, and in walked a young man dressed in a white suit and a black shirt with a blood red tie. He had jet black hair and bright blue eyes, and he laughed quickly when he walked in. "Sorry I'm late." His voice was velvety smooth, but there was something sneaky there. He sounded like a snake luring in its prey. It sent shivers down my spine. "I couldn't find the place." He flashed us a smile. His teeth were blindingly white, and his smile was too perfect. His flashy silver shoes were what set me off. The obnoxious clothes, the too perfect face, the ridiculously white teeth.

"So you're telling me that you brought a Capitol citizen onto this council?" I said darkly as our newest member took his seat. He stopped abruptly and raised his eyebrows. I just stared at him icily, not breaking eye contact. I could hear Haymitch's nervous laugh in the background.

"Now Sydney. Kane was an informer inside President Snow's personal council during the rebellion. The information he gave us was invaluable. Yes he is from the Captiol, but he's on our side. The rebellion's over. If he sympathized with the Capitol, he'd be in jail right now." I didn't say a word. I swiveled my chair back around and glared at Haymitch. I didn't care how many clues this man had given us. No Capitol citizen should sit on the council. We had done everything we could to defeat them, and I didn't want to take any chances of them somehow making a comeback.

"Next you're going to tell me that my mother is the one who gave him his position. That'd be the best way to convince me to trust him." I gave Haymitch a mocking smile, but he only stared at the table. "You've got to be kidding me." I said angrily.

"You're President Coin's daughter?" Kane said with a thin-lipped smile. "Wonderful woman. She's the one who gave me a second chance when the rebels captured me. I became her informer, and she taught me everything she knows. Shame she was murdered." He shook his head solemnly and I snarled.

"She wasn't murdered. It's good that she's dead. We're better off. She was an evil vile woman who would have turned Panem upside down only to have it be just as bad as when Snow was in charge. She would sell out each and every one of you if it meant she got to be in power."

"Are you jealous of her drive?" He cocked his head and smiled.

I grunted in frustration and started to answer, but Jacobs held up his hand. "We're here to talk about Snow. Former President Coin is dead, so there's no use dwelling on her. Let's just move on." He gave me a look and I backed down.

"Ok. So we have to decide what to do with him. It's pretty clear that he's going to die, but the question is how?" Haymitch started, looking around the table.

"Execute the bastard." Colonel Stone said. "He deserves to burn in hell for what he did." He clenched his jaw. I looked down at my hands. I knew that Stone had as much right as anyone to hate President Snow. After all, his son James had been a tribute in the final hunger games.

"_We're going to make it out of here." I said quietly. "You and me and everyone else. I'll figure out a way. I promise." James looked at his hands and shook his head. "I don't know Sydney. You're strong. Y-y-y-you can fight. I can't do anything. I-i-i-I'm going to die on the first day." I saw a tear roll down his cheek and I wrapped my arms around him. James had become like my little brother in prison and in the time before the games, and I didn't want him to die. "I won't let them hurt you James. I won't let them hurt anyone. They can't win." Then, I was in the arena, and I heard the clock tick down. I saw James' leg jerk, and there was an explosion that was so loud it stunned me. I saw James' being blown to pieces, and my mouth opened to scream for him.  
_  
"Sydney?" It was General Dolouth who shook me out of my flashback. "Are you alright?" I looked at him with wide eyes and shook my head. The image of James disappeared and I realized that I had been gripping the chair arms so hard that the plastic cracked beneath my hands. Everyone's eyes were on me, and I felt myself blush. The flashbacks were frequent, and the ones in public were the worst.

"Snow was evil. We need to make an example of him." I said softly. "I think a public execution would serve us best." The council nodded and mumbled in agreement.

Kane raised his hand slightly and cleared his throat. "I disagree." He said. "I think that a public execution would portray us as brutes. I think he should have a trial."

"And whose going to convict him as anything but guilty?" Stone snarled.

"No one of course." Kane rolled his eyes. "It's simply a formality. Then he'll be sentenced to life in prison for his crimes, and we will be seen as merciful heroes." Everyone looked at each other waiting for someone to protest.

"No." I said, slamming my fist onto the table. "No. He won't get away like that. He'll die for what he did."

"You have too much of a personal stake in this Ms. Harper." He said, narrowing his eyes. "I understand he put you through a lot—"

"It wasn't just me!" I said, standing up. "It was everyone! The terror that those people felt when he forced them to watch their children die is cruel and inhumane. Every year for seventy five years these people had to fear their names or their children's names or their brother's or sister's names being called for that reaping, and every year twenty three children died. He deserves to pay for his crimes, and all of you know it." I glared at each member of the council. "You sat by and did nothing while my mother terrorized this district, and if it weren't for Katniss you would have let her run Panem into the ground. Stand up now. Do what you know is right."

Jacobs tried to stop me, but I just pushed my way past him and out the door. I couldn't be here right now. I couldn't watch these people let Snow walk. He was evil, and he would die. I started to walk back to my compartment, but I stopped halfway. There was something I had to do. I needed answers, and only one person could give them to me. This meeting made me realize just how angry I was, and I had to let it out. I couldn't let him haunt me for my whole life.

As I took the elevator down to the deepest cells of the thirteen prison, I started to get nervous. I didn't know what I was going to say, but I had to do this. I stepped out of the elevator and walked down a long hallway to a door. I typed in my code in the pad next to it, and held out my hand for it to scan. Once my identity was proven, the door slid open for me, and I was led into a small room with another door. This time, there was a guard standing there, gun raised. He looked at me quizzically. "Ms. Harper?" He asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to see him." I said firmly.

He looked at the ground then back up at me, deciding whether or not to obey me. "No one is supposed to. He's on lockdown."

I gave the guard a look. "I admire you for doing your job sir, but I need to see him. He took away two months of my life. I almost died because of him. I need answers, and I need them now. If he dies and I never got to talk to him, I'll never live it down." The guard weighed the options in his head, then nodded and opened the door for me. I thanked him, and I heard the door click behind me.

I heard a gasping laugh. "Nice to see you again Sydney. How nice of you to pay me a visit." President Snow sat in front of me on a hard silver chair. A small bulb hanging from the ceiling provided the only light in the room, and I could barely make out his face behind the wild mane of hair that had been growing unrestricted since his arrival. He had aged nearly ten years since we captured him because without Capitol medicine, his true, unadulterated self was beginning to show. He was unrecognizable except for the cold smile spread across his lips and the conniving look in his bright blue eyes.

"Its not a visit." I crossed my arms and leaned back against the door. "You owe me answers."

"I'm all yours. Not like I have any choice." He said cynically. He sighed and put his elbows on the table, lacing his fingers together. "Ask away."

I looked at the ground, trying to find the right words to ask him all of the questions that I had. How could he do that to innocent children? How could he live with himself knowing that he had murdered hundreds of kids? He had hurt me more than I could possibly imagine, but that wasn't the worst of it. This was more than just a personal vendetta. He had ripped apart families and communities and friends, and he had ruined so many lives. I saw Prim's smile hidden behind the bandages that covered her burns. I saw the life drain out of Alexei's eyes as my arrow pierced his heart. I saw James' exploding in front of my eyes. I saw Lexie's twisted, broken face as I held her in my arms, and I wondered how I could possibly make him answer for all those things. What was I supposed to say? In the end, I settled on one word. "Why?" I said softly.

He stared back at me with his cold, icy eyes, and leaned back in his chair. "Why, Ms. Harper? I assume you mean why did I start the Hunger Games? Or is it why did I make it children who fought? Or is it why did I choose you to go in?"

I shook my head. "It's all of the above. How could you be so evil? How could you murder so many people, then sit here and laugh about it in front of me? Do you feel nothing? I know you're cold, but you're still a human being. I don't understand it. How do you justify it in your head?"

He paused for a moment, and then he chuckled. "It's not about justifying it. I know it's wrong, trust me. I'm not an imbecile. I'm not so thick headed as to think that the people of Panem actually deserve to watch their children die in the Hunger Games. The games were created as a punishment, yes, but they turned into something more. They were a technique, a tool used to control and manipulate the people. Without them, there would have been another rebellion years ago. They kept the commoners in check Ms. Harper. They reminded them who was really in control."

"That's sick. You could have punished the rebel leaders. You didn't have to murder children. You didn't have to ruin so many lives."

"It was children because I wanted to prove to the people how their actions affected all those around them. They didn't realize that the rebellion hurt everyone, not just the Capitol, and I used the innocents so every generation would learn that lesson before it was too late." He locked his eyes with mine and stared straight into my soul. Even if I had wanted to I couldn't look away. "You have a personal vendetta against me, and I understand that. You have flashbacks, don't you?" I was silent, but I knew I couldn't hide anything from those icy blue eyes. "You see them dying, every single day. I'm sure sometimes it isn't just your friend Lexie or that boy James. I'm sure you see little Primrose, or perhaps your best friend Katniss, burning in front of your eyes. Maybe its Mr. Hawthorne who dies while you watch helplessly from the sidelines. You re-live the games every single day, am I right?"

I didn't answer him. He was right. I saw everyone I loved die in the games, and sometimes, it was even I who killed them. I couldn't stop the dreams. I couldn't even fight them. The real flashbacks were the worst, and they could be set off by anything. I would never admit it, but he was absolutely right.

"You don't have to acknowledge it. I know it's true. You're strong Sydney, stronger than most. You make the perfect victor, and I am proud of myself for creating you." My head snapped up from the floor and I glared at him.

"You didn't create me. You don't control me."

"Ah…but that's where your wrong." He said slowly. "You may not understand my methods, but I have ensured that I will always be remembered. Everytime you close your eyes, you think about those games. Every time Ms. Everdeen tries to go to sleep, she will watch little Rue die or see herself murder the boy from district two. Every time Peeta Mellark has one of his tracker jacker flashbacks, or when Primrose screams in agony at her pain, I'll be remembered. Every single person in Panem will know who I am for generations to come, and that's the goal of being in power isn't it? To be remembered for your actions? I control you and everyone else because I'm in your thoughts and feelings, and most importantly, in your memories, and I will be for the rest of your life."

"You're disgusting. You call yourself a leader, but all you care about is yourself. The leader of this nation should be someone strong and selfless. Someone who truly wants to help the people of Panem, instead of men and women like you and my mother, who only seek power for their own twisted, selfish reasons."

"You mean someone like you?" He smirked. I rolled my eyes at him. I would never be President. The closest I would come to leading the people would be to sit on the general's council. I had my fifteen minutes of Presidential fame, and I had hated every second of it. "You may scoff at the idea now, but you never know. Power has a certain appeal that you'll find hard to resist. Having the ability to do as you please is a pleasure that few people will come to know."

"Yeah, thanks to you. Most people don't know what free will is."

"You'll come to find, Ms. Harper, that leading a nation isn't as easy as you seem to think it is. You'll soon see that no matter how hard you try to eliminate it, there will always be corruption. People want power, and they'll do anything to try and take it. You always have to look out for yourself. Watch your own back, because no one else will. There will be people who will try to overthrow you, and you have to prove to them how powerful you are. The Hunger Games were my method, and you'll have to choose yours carefully. I know you disagree with how I ruled Panem." I scoffed and crossed my arms. He got one thing right. "But it was necessary, and the people obeyed. Free will is a dangerous thing Ms. Harper. Some people don't deserve to think for themselves, and others just can't handle it. They're like sheep. Take away the shepherd and they roam around aimlessly until something kills them or they find a new person to follow."

"Everyone deserves a chance to make their own decisions." I got up and typed the code in to open the door. I was done with this conversation. It was clear that there was no justifiable rhyme or reason to what Snow had done. He actually thought he was doing the people a favor. The man was evil, plain and simple. "I don't even know why I came here." I said.

"You came here for answers, and I didn't give you the ones you wanted. I'm sorry, but I thought you deserved the truth. You can argue with me all you want, but those are my reasons, so take them or leave them."

I shook my head and laughed at him. "Burn in hell, Snow. And tell my mother I said hello when you get there." I turned and began to walk out the door.

"Tell the future Mr. and Mrs. Mellark I send my regards and congratulations!" I turned on my heels and glared at him. How did he always seem to know everything? Even when he was a prisoner, he was one step ahead of us. "Here's to hoping their children have a better life than they did. Here's to hoping that our new leader is just and strong, and nothing like me. Here's to the beginning of democracy, and the end of an era." He spread his arms out wide and dipped his head in my direction. "O and Sydney, watch out for your friend Kane. His ability to deceive and manipulate are paralleled. He did learn from the best after all." I clenched my jaw and my thoughts went back to the control room. President Snow gave me one final smirk, and the metal door slid shut behind me.


	2. Chapter 2

Note: Chapter 2! Some serious Gale-Sydney angst at the end. Make sure you rate and review and sorry this took so long!

As I took one last look around the compartment specially made for squad 451, I felt a pang of sadness deep down in my soul. This had been the only place I had ever really called home, and now I had to leave. Living with my mother had been torture, but here, I had gotten to live with people who actually cared about me, and who I enjoyed spending my time with. Moving on from that part of my life was the most difficult thing I had ever done.

I walked around the kitchen and touched each counter top, remembering the times I attempted to cook for the team, but I had burnt and blackened everything on the stove. _"You're a fighter, not a cooker." I heard Peeta say, laughing and patting me on the back._ _I looked at the food, frustrated, and threw it angrily into the trash. He put his arms on my shoulders and moved me to the side. "Let me take over before you do anymore serious damage." I opened my mouth to say something, but his wide grin and sparkling eyes made it difficult to be angry with him. I heard Katniss' light laugh fill the air in the background. "Fuck off, both of you." I said, shaking my head and storming out of the kitchen. _

"Ready to go?" Gale asked, appearing by my side. I didn't answer him, only stared at the counter top as the memory faded out from my mind. "What are you thinking about Sydney?" He asked gently, putting his hand on my arm. I felt like I had been shocked. I could feel my heart start to race like it did every time Gale touched me, but I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. _He's only touching your arm Harper._ I thought. _Don't be such a desperate teenage girl._

"I was just remembering that night I tried to make dinner and it failed." I gave him a small smile, but I could feel my lips quiver. "I don't want to lose those memories Gale. I don't want to forget them. You guys are my family, and these past few months have been the best of my life, with the exception of the whole prisoner thing."

"You won't Sydney, I promise. Leaving the compartment doesn't mean losing the memories. They're inside your head, not sealed into these countertops. Sure it sucks to leave the place, but you'll never forget our experiences here." I looked into his deep grey eyes and knew he was right. Gale was always right about these sort of things. I realized how close he was to me. His hand was still on my arm, and his body was up against mine as I leaned back on the counter. He seemed to sense it too, and took a step closer to me, but I side-stepped my way around him.

"We should go." I said, and headed towards the front door. I heard him sigh.

"Yeah, yeah we should." I closed the compartment doors and Gale and I walked awkwardly back to my new compartment. Ever since the day when we had almost kissed, I had been avoiding him. I was afraid of my feelings, there was no doubt about that. It wasn't just rejection, it was being afraid to let myself love someone. I couldn't handle being hurt, so wasn't it easier to just not take the risk? Gale and I were good being friends. Yeah I wanted more, but I could push that away for the sake of my own sanity.

We reached my compartment door and I headed inside. "See you tomorrow. I'll come over for dinner or something." He nodded his head and gave me a pained smile. "Goodbye Sydney." He whispered, then he turned on his heel and left. I could hear the anguish in his voice, and there was no doubt that I felt like an outright bitch for putting him through this, but it was for the better. He was better off without me.

I went into the kitchen and picked up the phone. I needed to talk to someone right now. I heard the dial tone and input the number I had memorized so easily, then waited as the other line rang. I tapped my fingertips on the table in anticipation. It always took them so long to answer the phone. "Hello?" I heard the muffled voice on the other side of the line.

"Hey Peeta, it's Sydney." I answered.

"Sydney! How are you? We haven't heard from you in a while, and we were starting to get worried. Well, Katniss was worried. I knew you were probably just busy with your important leadership position. How is the job?"

"I'm doing alright Peeta. And the job is great!" I tried to muster up as much fake enthusiasm as I could, but I could tell Peeta wasn't buying it.

"Do you want to talk to Katniss? She's standing here holding out her hand demanding the phone, but I'm not giving it to her because she's cute when she's mad." I heard an "Ow!" and a few slaps from the other line, then there was some muffled sounds and a familiar voice rang out on the other side of the line.

"Hey Sydney! Sorry about that, my future husband is quite the asshole." I heard his deep laugh from behind her, and I could practically see her shaking her head at him as he walked away. I missed them so much.

I laughed, but I could hear the sadness in my own voice. I sounded pathetic. "It's ok. Men can be such a pain sometimes."

"What's wrong?" She asked immediately. I could hear the frown in her voice.

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"Don't lie to me, Harper." She said sternly. Normally I was good at lying and putting on a façade, but not with her. My best friend could just read me like that.

I sighed. "I don't know what to do Katniss. This new guy on the general's squad who makes my skin crawl, but he seems to have everyone and their mother won over to his side. Even Commander Jacobs is impressed by him, but I know he's up to no good. He was President Snow's helper after all. Even if he was a double agent, he still learned from him and studied under him. With that and what Snow himself told me, its impossible to trust him."

"I know exactly how you feel, but if he really is a bad guy, he'll show it, and everyone will realize that you're right, you just have to give it time."

I told her about the last generals meeting. We had all been sitting around the huge round table discussing the best way to elect new leadership for Panem. We all agreed a democracy would be the fairest way to handle things, it was just defining it and setting it up that was proving to be difficult.

"How do we elect the President?" General Hartford snarled. "Everyone gets to vote I assume? What's the age limit? Do you have to register? How do we prevent fraud and corruption?"

Haymitch furrowed his brow and stared at the table. "Those are all good questions, but our ancestors managed to do it, so I'm sure we can figure it out too."

"O yes, it clearly went so well for them." My head snapped to the left as I heard Kane's silky voice enter the conversation. He sat with his hands clasped and his legs crossed, his eyes sparkling at the thought of debate and argument. "I think there was a clear problem with our ancestors and their system of government, and we can easily address it. The voting age should still be eighteen. Everyone must sign up and I'm sure technology has advanced enough for us to prevent voter fraud."

"So what's the problem genius?" I snapped at him. It angered me how everyone at the table sat on the edge of their chairs waiting for him to speak. Couldn't they see that he was full of shit?

He stood up and began to walk around the table. "Our ancestors defined democracy as letting everyone have a say. They believed every vote counted, and every single person, from the highest merchant to the lowest peasant, should have a say as to who leads them."

"Thank you for that history lesson, but I think we understand what democracy is." I answered sarcastically.

He laughed at me and shook his head. "I was simply setting up my point. I think that we should shake up that definition. The problem with the old system of election is that you didn't have to know anything to vote for the leader of your country. All you had to do was sign your name on a piece of paper and prove you weren't a felon, and you got to elect the president. That allowed the candidates to easily sway the majority of the population with false promises and flashing lights. In a perfect world, everyone would care enough about their country to be informed enough to vote, but the uneducated made the system fail. "

"What exactly are you suggesting?" I asked hesitantly.

"I'm simply suggesting that there be some sort of…system to decide who gets to vote. Maybe those in the upper fifty percent of the class spectrum or only those who earn a certain amount of money each year. It would be better to keep the uneducated out of it."

I felt my mouth fall open. "You're defeating the purpose." I stammered angrily. "You're going to create a huge gap between the rich and the poor, and continue the oppression that caused this rebellion in the first place. The point was to overthrow the dictator who was putting down the little guy. We fought this war to give the people a chance to have a say in their future. Not giving everyone a vote would reflect poorly on us."

"We wouldn't let the new leader oppress the less fortunate. He would speak for all the people of Panem and make sure every decision he makes is just."

"That's bullshit and you know it. If the lower class doesn't get a say in who is elected, then their concerns can't be voiced, and their problems will go unnoticed yet again." I looked towards Haymitch. "Back me up Haymitch. Tell him his plan makes no sense."

Haymitch sighed. "He makes a good point. We don't want a leader elected on looks or personality. They need to have good values and be strong on the important issues, but you also make a good point in that all the voices in Panem need to be heard in order to prevent the type of rebellion that we ourselves organized. It's quite the dilemma." I relaxed my clenched fists. He wasn't totally siding with me, but he was taking my point into account unlike everyone else in the generals council. As the only female there, I was often ignored or scoffed at. Being eighteen didn't exactly help either.

I finished telling Katniss about the stalemate we had ended the meeting at. "You were right, and Haymitch knows that. Don't worry about it too much. He's on your side and he knows what he's doing."

I sighed. I knew she would say that. Haymitch had helped her out and saved her life countless times, so she had total faith in him, but I was less sure. I knew how people could be, and I had a nasty habit of not trusting anyone. I made up some excuse for getting off the phone, and wished her well as I hung it up. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to Katniss, it was just that I knew there was nothing she could do or say that could make me feel better. I took a deep breath and felt the heaviness flow through my chest. I don't know why happiness is so impossible for me. It just seemed like my life was one giant headache after another.

I walked into the bathroom and turned the water on as hot as it would go. I sat on the edge of the tub and waited for it to fill. I undressed quickly and sat down, letting the scalding hot water consume me. It stung my skin, but I didn't care. The slight pain felt good, and the warmth made my migraine subside into a dull throbbing. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, trying to figure out what I was going to do about Kane.

It was obvious that confronting him didn't work. I hated him, but I had to admit that he was a manipulative son of a bitch, and he won over my colleagues with little to no effort. It wasn't that I had to get him away from them, I just had to make sure that they saw the error of his ways and that I wouldn't be alone in every argument. I wanted him off the general's council, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. I could possibly try to out manipulate him, but there was no way I could get him kicked off. He hadn't even done anything to warrant expulsion from the council and the district, so it wasn't like I had evidence. I couldn't exactly waltz into the control room and point my finger at him, claiming we should kick him off based on the funny feeling in my stomach. That was bound to get me laughed out of the room.

I sunk down and submerged my head under the water. In an instant, all of the sound in the world was muted. Normally, I barely noticed the vague buzzing noise that constantly filled the rooms in thirteen, or the sounds coming from the radio or television, but when I went under water, I realized just how loud my life normally was. It was nice to just escape the noise and confusion and stress. I sometimes wished I could just stay in this under-water limbo forever. I wouldn't have to make a decision or face another enemy. I could just stay here in the calm forever.

Eventually, my lungs started screaming for air, and I began wishing I could force myself to stay under. I would drown here, but at least I would be at peace. Did it really even matter if I lived or died? It wasn't like anyone listened to me or cared about what I had to say, but my body said otherwise. The natural instinct to survive kicked in, and my head broke the surface of the bath. I took a few deep gulps of air, then leaned my head back against the thin metal rim of the tub. I would live another day because it seemed like no matter how hard I tried, the universe just wouldn't let me die.

I climbed out of the tub and dried myself off, squeezing my hair of the excess water. I didn't bother with the hair dryer because I realized just then how exhausted I was. The emotional turmoil with Gale and the stress with work had destroyed me, and all I wanted was to climb into bed. I threw on a pair of pajamas and climbed between the soft linen that covered my bed. I didn't even remember my head hitting the pillow or my eyes closing, but the next thing I knew, I was staring at Lexie.

I was standing on the edge of the woods outside of district thirteen. I saw a figure moving through the trees towards me, and I heard myself gasp when I realized it was her. Her head was hung low, but there was no mistaking her blonde hair and tribute uniform that she had worn during the games. I heard a low mumbling sound coming from her, and I started to move in her direction, her name forming silently on my lips, but right before I reached her, I was stopped by an invisible wall. I put my hand up against it, and felt nothing but air, and yet there was a barrier that I couldn't move through. I pushed against it, hoping that it would give way so I could go to Lexie, but I didn't budge. "Lexie!" I shouted punching the barrier again with my fist.

She turned her head up to face me, and I felt my eyes widen in horror at what I saw. Her face had the same twisted, terrifying look that it did when I found her after Emanuel had snapped her neck. Everything was just as it had been the last time I saw her, except her eyes. They weren't closed like I had left them. They were wide open and glowing white. I took a step away from the barrier, now grateful that it was up between us. She continued to move towards me, and I realized that the low moaning sound escaping her lips was her saying my name. Over and over again. It was growing louder and louder until it became and angry roar. The sound deafened me, and I reached my hands up to cover my ears.

I fell to my knees as the yelling turned into an anguished shriek. "Sydney!" She cried over and over again. It was horrifying. It was terrible. Then it wasn't just her voice. It was Prim. Then Peeta. Then Gale. Then Katniss. Then back to Lexie. Finally I heard my mother's maniacal laughing, all coming from Lexie's twisted mouth. I clenched my hands closer to my ears and shut my eyes, willing the sound to stop. I heard a deafening boom over the shouting, and looked up to see Lexie pounding on the barrier. _Please don't break through._ I prayed. "Just stay away from me!" I shouted at her. Her hand reared back and she pounded the barrier again. A small crack formed, and I screamed in horror as she began to break through. She couldn't come near me. I had to run, but I couldn't move. I couldn't breath or think or cry. The screams blocked out all of that. The screams blocked out everything. She reared back and gave the barrier one last blow, and it shattered into a million pieces. Light streamed through the holes and I closed my eyes. _Just let me die already._ I thought. _Just let her kill me here. _

I woke with a start. I screamed as I sat up in bed, sweat pouring down my forehead. I looked around frantically for the monster that was Lexie, but then I realized it was all just another sick dream. Another remnant of President Snow. Lexie was dead. She wasn't coming for me. She was gone and I was safe, for now at least. I tried to slow my breathing down as I panted in terror, but then I heard it again. The boom from my dream, only this time it was real. "Sydney!" I heard my name being shouted by a rough, yet familiar voice. "Harper! Wake the hell up. I know you can hear me. It's an emergency."

I jumped out of bed and threw on a robe, walking quickly to answer the door. When I opened it, I found a very distressed and very anxious Haymitch waiting there for me. "Get dressed. Meet me at the Command Room in ten. We have a situation." Without another word, he turned on his heel and left the room.

I ran back to my room and changed into pants and a cotton shirt, lacing up my boots and throwing on a sweatshirt. I stopped in the bathroom to rinse off my face. Every time I closed my eyes I saw the horrible zombie-Lexie, so I blinked a few times to try and get the image out of my head. I thought of happier things like my alone time in the woods or the nights I had spent playing cards with Gale. I took a deep breath and brushed my hair out, then I headed out of my compartment to face whatever was so important that it had woken me up at 3 a.m.

I was the last to arrive and I realized as soon as I walked in that this was no joke. The entire general's council had been summoned, and each person wore a look of pain and distress on their face similar to Haymitch's. They muttered amongst themselves, trying to fix whatever problem I had yet to be filled in on. Kane talked quietly to General Quan, and while normally I would've shot him a dirty look, when I saw his face, I knew now wasn't the time. Even he looked worried, and that was an emotion I had never seen on that perfect face of his.

"Sydney, welcome." Colonel Jacobs said. "Sorry we had to wake you, but we received a disturbing message about half an hour ago, and we needed the whole council here to figure out how to solve this little…issue."

"This is one hell of a little issue." Stone said from across the room. "The safety of Panem as at stake. I would say it's more than just an issue." What was he talking about? I opened my mouth to ask, but was interrupted.

"We can handle it." Hartford said angrily. "We just have to gather the army and reassemble what's left of the Peacekeeper's. We should start recruiting now when people are still full of Panem pride and before we do anything to upset them." An army? We had just won the war. There was nothing left to fight. It was about rebuilding.

"Make a draft if necessary." Lieutenant Maddock said anxiously. A draft? I opened my mouth again, but he kept talking. "We can have all able-bodied men help us if we need it."

"Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on here!" I shouted. The generals all froze and turned to look at me. "I was not woken up at 3 o'clock in the morning to be kept in the dark." I followed up angrily. They all looked amongst themselves, waiting for someone else to fill me in on the distressing news. It was Kane who finally spoke up.

"A hundred and fifty years ago, there was a war that shook up the entire world, destroyed over half of the eight billion people who inhabited the planet, and caused so much radiation that five years later, half of the survivors were gone. It was known as the Great War, and it's the reason that Snow and his people were able to come into power here. Countless countries fought for the power to take over the world, but in the end, death and destruction were the only winners. Only three continents of the six that were inhabited at the time had people remaining on them who were healthy and stable enough to rebuild and repopulate. It was the most devastating war in human history, and it almost spelled the end of our race as a whole.

In order to prevent it from happening again, the three remaining powers came together and decided that it was best to stop all communications between each other, and to each survive as its own entity, severing all ties with the other two. They passed it into law that each continent was not to speak of the others, and that while the history of the war would be taught, it would be made clear that any attempt at reconnecting with the other continents would spell death for the individual who tried it. It was made official, and the three nations went back to their respective lands to try and rebuild. North America, which became Panem, Europe, which became Extasia, and Australia, which became Pacifica, have had no contact for over a hundred and fifty years, that is, until about a half hour ago."

Other nations may as well have been alien planets to the people of Panem. I knew there were other people on Earth, but we had never seen or heard from them, so they may as well have not existed. "We received a message from a secure channel set up about sixty years ago to monitor activity to and from the other nations. It was to ensure no citizen ever got curious enough to try anything, and there was never any activity on it, so it's usually ignored. When it does become active, that red light begins blinking, and I get a phone call that wakes me up no matter where I am." Haymitch said.

My head was spinning. What did this all even mean? Why would a foreign nation try and contact us? Maybe they were offering us help. I thought hopefully, but I remembered what Hartford had said about an army, and my heart sank. "What did the message say?" I asked quietly, although I was pretty sure that I already knew the answer.

Haymitch shook his head and input a series of commands into the computer. The giant screen lit up, and a man's face appeared. He wore a dark blue suit and an orange tie. His hair was gray and slicked back into a neat do, and it was clear that unlike the former Capitol leaders of Panem, he had never attempted to hide his old age. The wrinkles and age lines that covered his face were signs of that, but his stern blue eyes and hard expression gave him a look of authority, and I assumed he was an important man.

"Greetings citizens of Panem." The man began. His voice was strange and he spoke with an odd accent. All of the vowels were sort of drawn out, and I had trouble figuring out what he was saying at first. "My name is Prime Minister Fellows, and I am the leader of the nation Pacifica. It may seem strange that I am contacting you, and I understand that I am breaking the laws set out by the War Convention of 2056. I have heard that you recently went through a civil war, and I am here to offer my greatest congratulations to your new leader. I am also here, unfortunately, as a warning. All communications I've attempted in the past year have failed, and I'm truly sorry if this never reaches you or it's too late. I'm here to warn you that the third nation in our agreement has, regrettably, decided to break the treaty, and is currently waging war on my country. I would ask for your help, but I'm afraid it's too late. We've already lost. In fact, this will most likely be the last thing I ever record. As I speak, the leaders of Extasia have moved their minions into my office, and have begun the final stages of the takeover of Pacifica. They plan to take you all by surprise, but I hope this message reaches you in time. As of September 5, 2210, you will have exactly one year until Extasia invades your nation. Prepare your army now, as their technology is more advanced than I had ever imagined. I've included some footage that may help you, and as much intelligence as I can safely manage. Again, good luck to you, and God speed in your upcoming war. I pray you have a different outcome than we did."

I could've sworn I saw the man tear up before the screen flickered to black. I sat there in stunned silence for a moment, letting the message sink in. I had just fought in one war, and now we were about to enter another. I collapsed into a chair and ran my hands through my hair. This couldn't be happening. We were supposed to be rebuilding, not getting ready to battle a foreign nation.

"We can fight them." I said finally. "I agree with Hartford. Gather the troops. Begin training. Do everything we can to prepare, and when they get here, we'll be ready for them." I said with a new determination.

"When he said their technology was advanced…he wasn't kidding." Jacobs said. I could hear the sadness in his voice. "And their numbers are overwhelming, to say the least." He flashed another series of videos up on the screen, and I could feel the hope fleeing my body with each new scene. There were videos of vapor cannons and enormous tanks with the power to destroy an entire city. There was footage of scores and scores of perfectly trained Extasian soldiers, plowing through enemies like ants. Just when I thought everyone I loved was safe, it was almost a known fact that they would be dead or enslaved within the year. As I watched the footage of the enemy soldiers, I knew there was no way we could win this.

"We should just give up now." I heard Lieutenant Bryant say softly. "We can't win this war. If we give in, maybe they'll show us mercy." Part of me wanted to agree with him. Part of me wanted to put my hand in the air and beg that we use his plan. I wanted to give up and throw in the towel, but I thought about the lives we had lost winning this nation from President Snow, and I knew surrender wasn't an option. These men were clearly dictators, and I wouldn't let my people suffer like this. If these foreigners took over, life would be worse for the people than it ever had been under Snow.

"No." I said firmly. "We fight. There's no other choice. We defended the nation from President Snow. We fought the impossible fight and won. We've come so far, there's no way we can give up now." I stood up from the chair and put my fist on the table. "We start raising the army tomorrow. Training our soldiers to fight like they've never fought before. Get the tech department to start thinking fast about new weapon technology. We won't give in to these people. We're better than that. We won this post, now it's time to defend it."

I looked around the room, and I could see the determination creeping back into the faces of the generals. There wasn't much hope, but there was some, and my little speech seemed to make it glimmer for them. I glared at Kane, expecting him to defy me, but he nodded. "I'm with her." He said. "But I vote we keep it quiet for now. We need to give the people some time to recover. Start training the army and the tech crews of course, but don't reveal the purpose to anyone. Let them have a little peace." This was probably the first time I had agreed with anything Kane said, and it seemed like our combined voices had swayed the council.

"We'll begin tomorrow, but for now, let's get some sleep." Haymitch said. "We're going to need it." The council dispersed and each person headed back to their compartment.

"We make a good team Harper." I heard Kane's voice from behind me. I whirled around to face him, narrowing my eyes.

"What do you want Kane?" I asked suspiciously.

"Just to say that." He flashed me his perfect white smile. This was the closest I had ever been to him, and I realized that he couldn't be older than twenty or twenty-five. His face wasn't plastic like Snow's had been, it was just perfect. He was handsome, but there was a layer of invisible slime that covered him in my eyes.

"Well I still don't trust you. Don't think because you backed me up on one thing that we're a team now, Kane."

"War is coming Sydney. Don't you think it would be best if we stuck together? We are on the same side you know." He said with a smile.

"Are we?" I got up in his face and gave him one final glare, then turned on my heels and walked out the door. I would never trust him, no matter how many brownie points he tried to earn from me.

I began to walk back to my compartment, but I realized that I was headed the wrong way. Or maybe it was the right way. I no longer felt tired, and I had to talk about this with someone. Before I knew it, I was standing outside Gale's door, wondering if I should knock and if he would even answer at this time of night. I decided to just try the door, and to my surprise, it was unlocked.

I slipped off my shoes at the door and crept through the dark to his room. I knew where it was because had helped him move in, and as I tip-toed down the hallway, I realized just how creepy this was. I almost turned around, but I needed him too much to leave. I silently opened the door and there he was, sprawled out on his bed shirtless, sleeping like a baby. I moved over to the bed and bit my lip as I ran my eyes up and down his torso. He was so well built that it was hard not to stare, and I found myself reaching my hand out and touching his chest. My mind was going crazy, and I wasn't totally sure what I was doing. I just knew that I wanted to touch Gale and feel the muscles that rippled beneath his soft skin. I trailed my fingers down his abdomen and back up again, and my spine tingled. As I reached his lower abs just by his belt line, I felt him move and looked up as his eyes slowly opened. He shot up in bed and grabbed my arm, looking bewildered and defensively raising his fist. I covered my head with my other arm. "Gale it's me!" I whisper-shouted. He lowered his arm.

"Sydney?" He asked, confused. "What are you doing here?" He glanced at the clock and then back at me. "It's three in the morning." He looked down at his chest and back up at me. "Am I dreaming?"

"No, Gale." I rolled my eyes. "This is real."

"Were you just touching me?" He asked seriously, staring into my eyes. I looked away nervously and coughed.

"Of course not. I was j-just trying to shake you awake. I wasn't touching you. I just need to talk to you." I backed away from him a little to try and hide the fact that despite the imminent war and our impending doom, all I could think about was what was under Gale's shorts and how his hands would feel touching me like that.

"O." He said, clearly disappointed. "Well I'm always here for you, although I should start locking my door in case its not you that waltzes in here one day." He laughed nervously and released my arm, then he propped himself up on his elbows. "What's up Syd?" I sat up on the bed next to him and put my face in my hands. The fear of the unknown finally caught up to me, and I felt a sob shake my body. I felt the bed move as he sat up and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into his chest. "Tell me who I have to kill." He said seriously.

"It's not just one person." I answered softly.

"Well I would take on ten for you. Twenty. A hundred. Just tell me how many so I can pick a gun with that many bullets." He joked.

"How about a whole army?" I said. I could feel him tense up and I looked at his face. His brow was furrowed and his eyes grew serious.

"An army?" I sighed and launched into my story, starting after the dream and ending before I molested his chest. He was quiet the whole time, but I could tell he was thinking about what to do, and probably planning out battles in his head. When I was finished, he stayed silent for a few more seconds, then he just shook his head and laughed.

"We beat one army and evil dictator, what's one more?" I hit his arm.

"This is serious Gale!" I said angrily. It wasn't some joke. We were on the edge of war.

"I know Sydney." He took my hands in his. "I wasn't trying to make a joke out of it, its just heavy stuff, and there's nothing we can really do about it right now. We can't stop it, so all we can do is train and hope for the best. Nothing is impossible. Its just…the odds aren't in our favor. But that doesn't have to stop us."

I let out an angry sigh and stood up. "That's not true Gale. There's no chance for us to win. I want to fight, but we just can't. We're going to lose everything." I thought about all the people here that I loved. I couldn't lose them. I couldn't lose anyone else. I wanted to defend them but I didn't know how. I looked at Gale and almost started to cry. I especially couldn't lose him. I knew I shouldn't have grown close to him. I would only hurt him in the end. I was a stupid, naïve girl to ever think that I could be happy. "I should go." I said, walking towards the door.

"So you're giving up?" He yelled, starting after me. "That's not the Sydney I know. We have to fight."

"Of course I'm going to fight Gale." I said as I reached the bedroom doorway. "But I'm going to lose. I'm going to lose everything. I always have. I shouldn't have come here. There's no point in this anyway, I'm just going to lose you."

"No point in what?" He shouted after me. "What is this?" He gestured between us. "What is this Sydney? I'm sick of side-stepping around it. I want to be with you. I want to define this. You said before you got captured we would try it out, then when you got back I gave you space, but I can't wait anymore. I want you. I want this. So why did you come here Sydney?"

"Because I need you!" I yelled back at him. I shook my head. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to take the leap. To take the risk. I wanted so badly to rewind tonight and just go back to my compartment. I heard Katniss' voice in the back of my mind, and I knew I couldn't run away from this. "Is that what you wanted to hear? I need you. Did you ever doubt it? I don't know why, and I can't explain it, but I need you. I'm just afraid Gale. I'm afraid of losing you. I can't risk getting close to you because I can't deal with the pain."

"I don't care. I'll protect you from that." He said, walking towards me. "I'll protect you from everything. I'll never let anyone or anything hurt you, and if its me you're worried about, then I'll do everything to stop myself from being injured. You thought it was a joke, but I would fight that army for you Sydney. I would go headfirst into a battle against a thousand people just to save you. I would give my life for you, and I'm done waiting. I'm done being afraid. I was always told that if I want something I need to go get it. Well, I want you." I tried to respond, but before I knew it his lips crashed into mine. He pushed me up against the doorframe, and I was so stunned I didn't know how to respond, but my body did. I gave in to him, and my lips pushed back against his. My hands grabbed onto his hips and pulled him closer to me as he ran his tongue along the bottom of my lip and pushed me harder into the wall behind me. There was a burning, aching feeling in my stomach that set me on fire, and I needed more of him.

His lips moved from my mouth to my jawline, and I gasped when they found my neck. My hands tightened on his hips as a shiver ran up and down my spine. I pulled his head back up and forced it to mine, my hands running through his soft, silky hair. He pulled away from me and gazed into my eyes, pulling my hand towards his bed and sitting down on it. I pulled myself on top of him and straddled him, feeling just how much he was enjoying this through the thin fabric of his pants. He moaned when I grinded against him, and my lips found his neck and chest. He was so warm and his skin tasted so good. How had I lived so long without him, without this? Suddenly, an image flashed in my head. It was the battle from Pacifica. The men dying in hoards as they tried to fight an indestructible enemy. Then I was back on top of Gale, lost in his eyes and his tongue. I could feel myself pulling away.

It flashed again, only this time I was in my dream, clenching my ears as I heard Gale scream in pain. Trying to make it go away, but knowing there was nothing I could do to help him. I was back in his room and he pulled away. "Are you ok?" He whispered breathlessly. I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the memories. I nodded and kissed him again, and he flipped me over so he was on top of me, and our bodies moved together in perfect rhythm. He moved his hips against me, and I heard myself moan his name as his hands roamed down to unbutton my pants.

I felt myself panic. I was on the battlefield now, and I was watching him get shot. He turned to face me and he shouted out in pain. He fell to his knees as another bullet shot through his abdomen. He reached his arm out towards me, begging me to help him, but I couldn't. I was going to die too. We all were. I couldn't go through this. I couldn't lose someone I loved, but I knew I couldn't protect him or save him. I had to pull away. I had to shut him off so I wouldn't have to feel that.

"I can't." I said as I pushed him off of me. I rolled off the bed and re-buttoned my pants. "I can't do this, Gale."

"I'm sorry Sydeny. I didn't mean to move too fast for you. I just couldn't help myself. I'll do better I promise. That was stupid of me." He moved to the edge of his bed and held his hand out for me. I felt tears flood my eyes and shook my head. I didn't want to hurt him like this, but it was the best for both of us.

"It's not that Gale. I wanted it, trust me I did." He lowered his hand, bewildered. I realized I wasn't making any sense. "It's better this way. It's better for both of us. If we do this then we'll fall in love, and when the time comes and the war comes and they attack us, I'll lose you or you'll lose me and I can't handle that. It'll hurt so much and it's just easier if we don't do this. It's just easier if I don't have to lose you."

"You're not losing me Sydney." He said, standing up off of the bed and walking towards me. "I'm right here, and I'm always going to be right here."

I shook my head and the tear drops rolled down my cheeks. "You said that if we did this, we'd fall in love." He said, his hand cupping my cheek and his thumb wiping a tear away. "If that's what you wanted to prevent, then it's too late. I already fell for you. I already love you." He tried to kiss me again, but I pulled away.

"No, Gale. No. I can't. I just…I just…" I backed away from him and out the door. "I can't." I finished as I turned and fled the compartment.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: Ok, so! I'm looking for someone to draw me a cover picture for this story. I'm a terrible artist, so hopefully my words can guide you on what Sydney looks like. There's a description of her in "Keep Fighting" Chapter 15, about halfway through. Remember she's only about 18-19 years old (the same age as Katniss.) If anyone's bored, take a shot at it. I'll give you credit, and owe you big time. Also! If anyone wants to design a cool cover picture for "Keep Fighting" I'd be happy to take submissions for that. I don't want to use some image from the film, although I do love Jlaw. Just message me with your ideas. Thanks and enjoy the next chapter.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down as best as I could. I could feel my hands shaking violently, and I forced my self to swallow hard. I nervously tapped my foot against the ground, trying not to panic or run away or just start screaming with anticipation. Put me in the middle of a battle, and every thought becomes clear and precise. Put me in the open air on my wedding day, and I can barely remember to breath.

"Calm down, sweetheart." I heard Haymitch say as he gripped my arm. I wiped around to face him, and I knew he sensed the fear that was swelling inside of me. "I promise I won't let you fall." He gave me a wicked grim, and I tried to laugh at his lame attempt at a joke, but all I could do was let out a whimper. I didn't know why I was so nervous. It wasn't like I was second guessing myself, I knew I wanted to be with him forever. There was no one else in the world for me, but I couldn't stop the nervous butterflies.

What if he changed his mind? What if he realized he was too good for me? What if things didn't work out in the end because of our differences? The questions whirled through my mind and I felt myself beginning to hyperventilate. "Are you ready to go Katniss?" I heard Haymitch's voice again. "The guests are waiting for you." I nodded and gulped down some air. I put on the best smile I could muster up, and took my first step towards officially becoming a Mellark.

My eyes skimmed over the people sitting in the white chairs surrounding the aisle. I tried to ignore how many guests I had, because while it wasn't an overwhelming number, it was enough to make me want to throw up when I thought about embarrassing myself in front of them. My eyes shot to the front where our wedding party stood, waiting excitedly for me to finish walking down the aisle. I skimmed over Prim and Johanna, and immediately found Sydney. She gave me a small smile and a thumb's up, trying to reassure me that everything was ok. She was the only one who knew how nervous I really was.

I flashed back to this morning, when my prep team and my mother were fighting angrily over who got to have the final say with my makeup and hairdo. My mother wanted and updo, while my prep-team wanted me to have long flowing locks that blew in the wind. I tried to tune them out while simultaneously reciting what I was supposed to say. I went to my happy place. The strategy Commander Jacobs had given us when we parachuted into enemy territory was just as useful here, and I tried to imagine myself in bed with Peeta, whispering quietly how much we loved each other. It wasn't enough though, and the shouts broke through my inner peace.

"Just leave!" I shouted with a frustrated sigh. I looked up at the shocked faces of my mother and prep team, and lowered my voice. "I just need to be alone for a second. I need a minute to think. My hair is fine how it is, you've all done a wonderful job. I just need to think right now." I gave them a small smile, and they walked out, still muttering about who was right and who was wrong.

I got up from my chair and looked in the mirror, trying to truly appreciate how beautiful they had made me. Normally in district twelve, the man and woman wore something simple, and not much of a fuss was made, but since Peeta and I were such high-profile members of the community, I had to at least put some effort into how I looked. I demanded that my dress still be simple, and my mother obliged begrudgingly, complaining that she had dreamed of me being married in something frilly and puffy and terribly uncomfortable. I laughed at the memory and looked down at the smooth silk dress that hugged my hips and fell out into a short train behind me. It was adorned with a few small pearls and a dazzling floral stitch design, but the details were simply elegant.

I heard a knock on the door behind me. "I said just go. I want to be alone—" I turned around and stopped midsentence. Sydney leaned against the doorframe, her hands held up in front of her defensively.

"I was just going to say break a leg, but if you don't want to talk to your maid of honor, I understand." I let out a sigh and tried to stammer out an apology.

"I thought you were my mother. She was just being so overbearing. I feel like I can't breath and my chest is caving in on itself. Its so blazingly hot outside and this dress is strangling me and—"

"Katniss." She had walked over and placed her hands on my shoulders. "You're dress is strapless, number one. And number two, you're just getting the pre-wedding jitters. It happens to everyone." I raised my eyebrows at her. "Or so I've heard." She said with a shrug. "Tell me what's on your mind."

So I told her everything that had been bothering me since this morning. Peeta and I had spent last night together, of course, so it wasn't until he had left this morning that I got to spend a second alone and really think about how I was feeling. The truth was that I was terrified. Making commitments was extremely difficult for me, and this was the biggest commitment of them all. "The rest of my life is such a long time." I finished with a sigh. "If you take a second and think about the concept of eternity, it's the most terrifying thing in the world."

"Where is this coming from all of a sudden?" She asked skeptically. I shrugged my shoulders and slumped down into my chair, overwhelmed. I put my head between my knees and focused on the floor in front of me. I was acting like a child, but I couldn't help it. I didn't know where this was coming from. "Katniss." Sydney said softly, sitting down in an adjacent chair. "If there is one thing that I'm sure about in this crazy, twisted world that we live in, it's that you and Peeta Mellark belong together. It wasn't just chance that his name was called on the reaping day all those years ago, it was fate. You two were meant to save each other, and you have time and time again. He's your soulmate and the love of your life. I know how incredibly cheesy that sounds and trust me its killing my inner pessimist, but you can't argue with me here. Trust me when I say you're just nervous. Commitments are scary, but don't you think you and Peeta have passed that bridge? You committed your life to him a long time ago, and the only thing that will be different now is an extra ring on your finger."

"Sydney…I'm so scared. I know you're right, I do. But what if he decides he doesn't love me anymore? What if I walk out there and he turns around and leaves? What if he made a mistake and just never had to heart to break it to me? What if—"

"Stop." She said, pulling me up and forcing me to stare into her deep, green eyes. "Now you're being absurd. Peeta loves you. He's loved you since you were eleven years old. The way he talks about you makes me sick. 'She's the greatest thing to ever happen to me. She's beautiful and smart and lovely and amazing and' blah blah blah. I honestly through up in my mouth a little when he starts that stuff." I felt a smile creeping back into my lips. "That's what I like to see." She said with a laugh.

"What if it's me?" I asked. "What if I'm projecting?"

"I don't think so." I scoffed at her argument. "You shouldn't doubt your feelings Kat. Tell me something. What's the last thing you think about every night? Who occupies your mind while your waiting for prey in the woods? Who do you go to when you need to feel better? Who would you call your best friend and greatest ally? And most importantly, who do you see laying next to you in bed ten years from now? How about twenty years? How about fifty? Who is your future with?"

I thought about the dream I had all those months ago after the first night Peeta and I had spent together. I had seen our future. I had seen myself married to him that day. I tried to imagine my life without him. I tried to think about losing him or having him go away, and it made me sick. I knew the answer. "Peeta. Of course it's Peeta." I answered her.

"There you go then." She stood up and took my hand, leading me out the door. "Now if you don't mind, I've got a wedding to go to, and I really don't want to be late." I rolled my eyes and followed her out the door with a smile. We met my mother and Prim and got into a car that lead to the lake where the wedding was to take place. Now here I was, walking down the aisle to meet my future husband and the love of my life. Remembering Sydney's words made me stronger, and when I set my eyes on Peeta, all of my fears and doubts went away.

He looked absolutely dashing in his traditional black tux, and his hair was perfectly fluffed and cropped to fall right across his beautiful blue eyes. When he saw me, his eyes lit up, and the smile that graced his lips was blinding. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, and in that moment, I felt like the luckiest person on earth.

It was hard to stay focused on Katniss. Considering it was her wedding day and all, that may seem a little strange. She was walking down the middle of an aisle dressed in an absolutely stunning white dress, pulling in the attention of everyone in the room. Everyone except for me that is. I was too busy staring at someone else, because while Katniss looked radiant, she still had nothing on Sydney.

It almost hurt me to look at her, because every time I did I was reminded of the rejection. I still don't know what happened. One minute we had been fine, and the next she was freaking out and running away from me. At first I thought it was because I had tried to move too fast, but that wasn't it. That wouldn't cause her to burst into tears and then not speak to me for two weeks. Something was up with her, and all I wanted to do was comfort her and be there for her, but she wasn't letting me. It was like she had put up a wall between us, or she was just refusing to acknowledge my existence. I was sure she had never even glanced my way because I had been watching her the whole time we had been here.

The day after the incident, I had gone to her room to apologize and try to find out what was wrong, but she wasn't there. I went to the command room to try and ask Haymitch, but he said he hadn't seen her since yesterday evening. I knew that was a lie because of the secret meeting the generals had held in the wee hours of the morning, but I wasn't supposed to know about that, so I just thanked him and moved on. I decided to try the woods, because that's where she always went when she was upset, but I asked the guards and they said no one had been outside all day.

As a last resort, I decided to ask Finnick. I found him in the gym lifting, and waited for him to finish his set before I approached. "Hey man." I said as he returned the press bar back to its holder. I tried to think of an excuse as to why I would be asking him where Sydney was, but I couldn't, so I just prayed he didn't ask. Finnick and I were good friends, but we weren't that close.

"Hey Gale!" Finnick replied, a large grin spreading across his face. Finnick was always smiling. It was like he didn't have a care in the world, even when we were all about to die. Then I remembered that he probably didn't know that either, and reminded myself to watch what I said. "Whatsup?"

"I was just wondering if you had seen Sydney. I need to talk to her, but I can't find her anywhere."

His smile faded and his brow furrowed. "Yeah, actually. I saw her about an hour ago when I came here. She had just finished working out, but she looked like she was ready to faint. I asked if everything what was up, but she only gave me vague answers, and she seemed really distraught. I've never seen Sydney like that before."

I sighed. "Maybe she went back to her compartment. I'll go check again. Thanks Finnick." I turned to leave and he grabbed my arm. As I turned to face him, the look on his face was serious.

"Is everything ok Gale?" He asked skeptically.

"Yeah, Finn. Everything's good." I lied.

His eyes narrowed, but he shook his head and wished me luck. I knew he didn't buy it, but I was grateful that he hadn't pressed for more information. I wasn't very good with words, so that made me a terrible liar. I didn't like keeping him in the dark, but I didn't even know who I was and wasn't supposed to tell, and I wouldn't know until Sydney told me, and if I couldn't find her, I was screwed. I realized how frustrated I was, and I felt the anger building in my chest. I tried to calm myself down, knowing how carried away I could get, but it didn't work. I was tired from the shitty sleep I had gotten after Sydney left, and I was angry that she wouldn't just come and talk to me.

Before I knew it, I was back at her compartment, and I knocked lightly on the door. I waited a few minutes and knocked again, this time harder. There was still no answer, so I let out a frustrated sigh and punched the door repeatedly as hard as I could. The rage was blinding, and I needed to release it. I pulled my hand back and shook it, groaning at the pain. I checked my knuckles and was lucky that none were broken. It was a stupid thing to do, but I wasn't famous for being calm and collected.

Finally, the door opened. Sydney stood there, wrapped in a towel wither her hair dripping wet, an angry look written across her face. She seemed ready to scream at whoever was banging on her door, but when she saw it was me, her eyes dropped. "O, hey Gale. Sorry I didn't answer I was in the shower."

"Its…fine." I said, taking a deep breath. "Sydney…we need to talk about what happened. I need to know if I did something or said something that upset you, and I need to know how to fix it."

She paused for a second and chewed her lip. I tried to focus on something else besides how surprisingly sexy it was, and caught myself checking her out while she stood in the doorway. I shook my head and tried to stop those thoughts while I waited for her answer. "It's not you Gale. You didn't do anything." She said to the floor in front of her. "It's me. I know that's 'the line', but it's true. I just can't be with you like that right now. If I hurt you, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"Just stop." I said angrily. I wasn't going to stand here and listen to the lets just be friends speech. I had heard it once from Katniss, and I was surprised as to how much more it hurt coming from Sydney's mouth. "I don't want to hear your excuses. I'm sorry I ever even bothered." She just shook her head and stared at the ground, stammering out apologies. "Look at me Sydney!" I found myself yelling. "Have the decency to look at me while you're breaking my heart." I was tired of being pathetic. I was going to call her out on her bullshit.

Her head snapped up and she stared into my eyes. I could feel my reserve weakening when I looked into those beautiful blue-green eyes, but I forced myself to stay strong. "Gale, I don't want to break your heart. I don't want to hurt you. We can still be fri—"

"Friends?" I said with a sarcastic laugh. "Friends Sydney? It's too late for that. I told you that I loved you, and you ran away from me. You just left. Do you have any idea how much that hurt?" I didn't mean to yell, but I couldn't help it. She just wasn't getting it.

"I'm just confused." She shouted back. "I don't want to lose you Gale. I need you in my life, I just can't give you what you want."

I shook my head. "You're stringing me along, and I thought that after everything I told you and confessed to you about Katniss that you would know how much that hurts me. But you don't see that my feelings for you are so much stronger than that, so this is so much worse than that every was. Don't be nice about it Syd. Just tell me like it is. Just treat me like everyone else. Tell me you don't love me and you never have." I glared at her.

"I…I can't say that."

"Then be with me!" I yelled back.

"I—"

"Whatever Sydney." I interrupted, anger finally overwhelming whatever sense I had left. "I don't want to be a part of this. I'm sick of being hurt. I'm not your little bitch. If you don't want me, I'm not going to stand here and be strung along." I turned my back on her and walked away without saying another word.

As I looked at her now, I found myself regretting every word I had said. I knew it was my temper that had gotten the best of me, but that didn't stop me from feeling awful. Her eyes were dark and her lids drooped. It looked like she hadn't gotten a good night's sleep for months, and the circles under her eyes were just further proof of that. I wanted to go to her and apologize, but my pride got in the way, so I just kept standing there, staring at her and wishing I could go back in time.

I forced my eyes back to Katniss and walked her finish her walk down the aisle towards her future husband. Peeta and I had become good friends over the past couple of months, and I was his best man, but right then I would give anything to just run away from them. I wanted to turn around and sprint into the woods. I could live off the land and just be alone. Anything would be better than living this life without Sydney. I hated being this pathetic. It wasn't in my nature, but something about this girl made it impossible to live without her.

Watching Katniss and Peeta didn't help either. They were so in love it made my heart ache. That was what I wanted. I used to want it with Katniss, but now it was Sydney. I wanted her to look at me like Katniss looked at Peeta. I wanted to know that at the end of a long, stressful day I would go home and she would be there waiting to comfort me. I wanted to kiss her and hold her and hear her laugh. I sighed and tried to force those dreams out of my head. That just wasn't the future I was meant to have. As I watched them exchange vows and promise to love each other forever, I realized I was being selfish. I was happy for them, and they had found happiness. I should be grateful for that. They deserved it.

The reception was at Katniss and Peeta's mansion in the Victor's Village. We ate dinner at a few long rectangular tables set up in the backyard, and I tried to focus on Peeta and Finnick instead of Sydney, but seeing as we were all at the same table, it was hard. It was easier to gauge just how exhausted and sad she was when she was talking. She smiled halfheartedly and gave a fake laugh every once and a while, but besides that, the life in her was gone. I could tell that the energy she was giving was purely for Katniss' expense, but she wasn't buying it, and neither was I. Maybe I would try to talk to her…

No. I wouldn't. I finished my dinner while talking to Furman and Commander Jacobs, and afterwards the dancing started. Katniss looked radiant dancing with Peeta in a new light orange dress, and when we took the floor I found myself letting loose. I danced with a few people I had known from district twelve, and had the most fun spinning Prim around in her chair. After about an hour, I was out of breath and decided to take a break. I headed over to the punch table and poured myself a glass, finding myself surveying the dance floor looking for Sydney. She was dancing with Finnick, and I thought I saw a genuine smile on her face. I was glad we had Finnick because he had that amazing ability to make you laugh no matter what mood you were in. He gave me a thumbs up behind her back, and I nodded at him in thanks.

"Having fun Gale?" I heard a familiar voice next to me. I turned and grinned at Peeta as he poured himself a glass of punch. I slapped him on the back and smiled.

"It's really great, man." I answered. He took a sip of his drink and followed my gaze back onto the dance floor.

"What happened between you two?" He asked. "Something's not right. When we left you two were inseperable, but you haven't said two words to each other since you got here."

I found myself telling him the whole story. I don't know why because it's slightly embarrassing, but I needed to get it off my chest. I told him how I had lost my temper, and how terrible I felt about it. "I just couldn't help it." I finished. "I love her Peeta. It hurts to get rejected by someone you love."

He put his hand on my shoulder and I just stared at the ground. "Give her time, Gale. She'll come around." I just shrugged. "Trust me, the games are a whole new experience. She's probably going through some serious post-traumatic stress disorder right now, and it's going to take a while for her to get over it." His voice dropped even lower. "Having you in her life wouldn't hurt. You're good for her. You make her smile." He looked at Sydney, who was over by the food looking dejected. "She could use some of that."

I couldn't help but agree. I just wasn't ready yet. Just then, Katniss looked over at us and waved Peeta onto the dance floor, beaming at him from ear to ear. He held his finger up signaling for her to wait a second, and gulped down the rest of his water. "You have no idea how lucky you are, Peeta." I whispered to him.

"Trust me." He said, straightening his jacket. "I do." He grinned at me and ran to her, swooping her up in his arms and making her erupt into a fit of laughter. It was amazing how he could do that to her. He turned the normally serious and hotheaded Katniss Everdeen into a giggling mess. I turned away from them with a chuckle and finished my water.

The next song started and I felt a pull on my arm. Before I knew it I was on the dance floor with my arms around Katniss waist. "My husband told me to come dance with you." I looked over my shoulder at Peeta, who was dancing with Sydney. He winked at me.

"I'm honored." I said, bowing my head. She took the opportunity to smack me on the side of the head jokingly. "Really though, Catnip. You look amazing. Today was your day, and you're shining. No one in that audience could take their eyes off of you." I smiled and kissed her lightly on the forehead. When I pulled back, she was looking at me skeptically.

"No one except for you." Her eyes were all knowing. "Come on Gale, we've been friends for too long for you to hide things from me. I saw you staring at Ms. Harper the entire time I was walking up the aisle." I tried to stammer out an excuse, but she held up her hand. "It's fine. I'm not upset. I wish she was staring back at you." She glanced over her shoulder to where Sydney was dancing with Peeta and frowned. "She's not doing so hot, is she?" The question was rhetorical, but I shook my head. Katniss sighed. "Peeta told me that you guys were fighting." I rolled my eyes. Should have seen that coming. "He didn't go into details, don't get mad!" She exclaimed.

"I could tell you the same thing I told him. I miss her and I love her, but I can't handle the constant rejection. I can't handle being her friend Katniss. It hurts too much."

She stopped moving and took her arms from around my neck. "Are you kidding me?" She said angrily. The people around us stopped dancing and stared at her outburst. I glanced around nervously, and she seemed to come to her senses, so she went back to dancing with me. Her voice dropped to an angry hiss. "She's hurting Gale. She needs us right now. Swallow your pride and be there for her. Show that you can be her friend. She needs stability, and if you want my opinion, I think she does love you, she just can't handle that right now. She's got a lot on her plate. Be there for her, and she'll come around."

"That's what I keep hearing." I said with a frustrated sigh.

"So go!" She pushed me away. "I'm having a déjà vu moment." She said as I walked away, and I remembered that it was Katniss who had pushed me to talk to Sydney at the military banquet. Always the little helper that Everdeen.

I reached Sydney and Peeta and realized the song was only halfway over. I cleared my throat and they stopped dancing. Sydney looked at me, then quickly glanced at the ground. Peeta grinned happily. "Can I cut in?" I asked carefully.

Peeta stepped aside and nodded, attempting to suppress his grin. I watched him walk back over to his wife, and turned my attention back to Sydney. I held out my hand, wondering if she would even take it. She hesitated for a second, then took it. We danced in silence for a few moments, and I tried to come up with the right thing to say. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth.

"I'm sorry." She said before I could get the words out. She tilted her head up and looked at me. The bright turquoise dress she wore as a bridesmaid brought out the blue in her eyes, and the sun setting below the trees behind me made them shimmer. It was hard to look away from her. "Everything you said was true. It was wrong to lead you on like that, and I'm truly sorry. I still can't be with you. I'm just not ready yet. I have feelings for you that I'm not ready to explore, but I really do want you in my life. I've missed you…so much. You have no idea how hard life has been without someone to talk to. The truth is, I need you Gale, and you know how true it is because I'm actually admitting it. I understand if you can't be with me, but I'd like us to get back to where we were. I want things to move on, and maybe when I'm ready they will. I'm not asking you to wait for me. You can date other girls or find someone else. I just want my best friend back."

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in close to me. I missed how she felt when she was this close to me. I missed how she smelled and how her chin rested perfectly on my shoulder. "I'm sorry too Sydney. I acted like an asshole. You didn't deserve that. I was trying to make a point, but I chose the wrong way to go about it. So I'll forgive you if you forgive me?"

She narrowed her eyes and then a weak smile crept across those beautiful lips. "I guess I can make that deal."

"Katniss is going to be jealous when she finds out you called me your best friend though." I warned jokingly. "Actually, I might tell her just because of that. I like making her angry."

Sydney let out a light laugh, and my heart warmed at the sound. She seemed surprised by it, and shook her head. "Now there's a sound I haven't made in weeks." This time it was me who laughed. I could see glimmers of old Sydney behind this depressed, stressed-out mask she was wearing. I was determined to bring her back. "They're so happy." She said, looking past me at Katniss and Peeta. They were dancing together in a close embrace, staring into each others eyes and laughing at some inside joke. "It makes me want to cry and throw up at the same time."

"Are you going to tell them about Extasia?" I asked.

She sighed and brushed her bangs to the side. The smile faded from her face at the mention of our impending doom. She mulled it over for a second, then shook her head. "No." She answered. "I'm not going to tell them." She looked from Finnick to Furman to Prim and Johanna. "I'm not going to tell any of them. May as well give them peace for a few more months. They deserve to be happy."

"Don't we?" I said, confused. "Don't we deserve to be happy?" I wished I had been shielded from the news as well. It was a scary thought, and losing everyone I loved was a real possibility. I had seen the videos. I had witnessed the weapons in action on screen. The chances of victory were slim to none.

"Someone needs to bear the burden Gale." She answered. "You were the only one that I trusted. Don't get me wrong. I think they could handle it, but no one can help me like you can. I need you to be there for me. I need you to help me stay strong." She looked into my eyes, and I saw one emotion I never thought I would in her. Fear.


	4. Chapter 4

Sydney's POV

_What the hell have I gotten myself into?_ I thought as my gaze shifted from one member of the general's council to the next. Some looked at me like I was insane. I think General Hartford actually laughed out loud. When I looked at Commander Jacobs, he looked like he was about to be sick, but Colonel Stone was beaming from ear to ear. I took slow, deep breaths and tried not to look as nervous as I felt. Finally, I looked down the table at Kane, and the mixture of anger and surprise on his face made this all worth it.

I hadn't planned on volunteering for anything. I hadn't planned on getting myself into this mess, but the things he said in the meeting made me so upset. I used to think I needed to learn to control my temper, but what I really needed was to think before I acted. I hadn't been having a particularly good day to begin with, but the council meeting had just broken me.

I walked into the gym and found Finnick over by the power racks. He put down his weight and gave me a bear hug. These early morning workouts were a thing that we shared, and I enjoyed the time we spent together. He lifted me up and made my life a little bit funnier, when it seemed like I had nothing left to laugh at. I ducked under the bar and lifted it onto my shoulders, beginning my first squat set as Finnick spotted me. We went through squats, dead lifts, overhead presses, benches, and barbell rows before I had to take a break. I told Finnick I would be back to box in a few minutes, and made my way to the locker room.

The gym in thirteen was huge. Because we had sustained our own military for so long, it had been necessary to have an area where everyone could train when they weren't on missions or fighting on the front lines. I said hello to a few of the people I had gone to the Academy with, and stepped into the women's locker room. I washed my hands off and splashed the sweat off of my face. The little sleep I was getting made lifting and working out extremely difficult, so I sat down on one of the benches and put my head between my hands. I saw stars as the blood pumped through my head, and tried to take deep breaths to keep myself from passing out. It wasn't like I was trying to be exhausted, but I just couldn't stay asleep.

The night terrors had gotten so much worse. When I had been fighting with Gale, I barely got two hours before they started. I was too afraid to go to sleep, and when I finally did, the terrors would start before I could help myself. I even tried waking myself up before they started, but my body adapted and that only made it worse. I woke up with the pillows strewn everywhere and the blankets torn off of my bed. Several times the neighbors around me had asked if I was ok the next morning. Sometimes I would wake up sitting on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out. My brain had pushed the dreams out of my head, so I barely remembered them, but I knew they were usually about the games.

I relived all of their deaths. Then I saw my friends die. Katniss' head getting ripped off. Gale getting shot in the back. Prim burning to death. I saw the weapons and the Extasian soldiers and the country of Pacifica being wiped away, then the same thing happening to Panem. It was the most painful experience I had ever been through, and the exhaustion was catching up to me. Most of the time when I woke up in the middle of the night too afraid to go to sleep, I would read or watch television or bake something. I called Peeta for advice during the day, and I figured I would give it a shot because it worked for him. It calmed me, but still I didn't sleep.

I grabbed the bottle on the ground at my feet and took a long drink. When I stood up, a girl bumped into my shoulder and knocked me off balance, and I turned around quickly to apologize. She gave me an awful sneer and I raised my eyebrows. "I'm so sorry. I'm kind of out of it. I didn't mean to bump into you." I gave her a sheepish half smile, but she only narrowed her eyes.

"Just watch yourself." She snapped, her blonde hair whipping around as she turned to go to the rest rooms. My chin dropped and I shook my head, not believing the nerve of some people. I walked back out to the weight room and saw Finnick talking to Gale at the ring where I had left him. I felt my face light up and quickened my pace.

"Hey Gale!" I said happily as I gave him a light hug.

"Hey Syd." He smiled. "Finnick said you guys are having quite the workout."

Finnick laughed. "Someone's stressed." He pointed slyly to me. "She gets so angry when she's stressed out. Then she tries to hide it. It's kind of adorable." I hit him on the arm and grabbed the sparring gloves on the floor.

"For that, I'm going to kick your ass." I said to him.

"Ooo I wish I could watch this." Gale said, laughing and pushing Finnick into the ring.

My head twirled around and I frowned at him. "Where do you have to be?" I joked.

"I'm training someone. She's new to the army and they asked if I could give her the combat lowdown." I felt this strange pang of jealousy deep within my stomach when he said the word "she". I didn't have any right to, after all it was I who had rejected Gale in the first place, but some part of me claimed him as mine. I just needed some time.

Just then, I saw the flash of blonde hair, and the girl from the restrooms hit Gale playfully on the arm. "I'm ready." She squeaked. I rolled my eyes. I hated people like this. She was short and muscular and flirty, with that shining blonde hair and dark blue eyes, and I didn't like the way she looked at Gale. I fully realized how attractive he was, it just sucked that other girls noticed it too. I wished I could just hide him in a room some where so only I could stare into his gorgeous grey eyes and run my hands through his silky hair.

"Let's go that way." He pointed to the boxing ring directly across from us. They started to walk away when he stopped suddenly. He slapped his hand to his forehead. "Wow…I'm rude. You should get to know your coworkers." He spun around and swept his arm out in front of Finnick and I. "This is Finnick Odair." Finnick waved his hand sheepishly and the friendly grin on his face made me sigh in disgust. Finnick was terrible at reading people. He couldn't see the instant bitch in this girl.

"And this is Sydney Harper." He said, pointing at me. I nodded slightly, putting on a fake smile and trying to be polite. Suddenly I knew what Katniss felt like when she met me. It was unnerving to instantly hate someone. I shook the negative thoughts out of my head and decided to give her a chance. Katniss and I had become best friends, and that was the perfect example of not judging a book by its cover.

I walked over to her and held out my hand. "Sydney this is Vanessa Kane." I froze. That was not a name I wanted to hear. She seemed to sense how uncomfortable I had gotten, because a smile spread across her thing lips.

"My brother mentions you sometimes. He says you have quite the temper." I tried to laugh, but all that came out was an angry grunt. She was Kane's sister. I didn't know he had family, let alone that he brought them here. Gale let out a small laugh and punched me playfully on the shoulder.

"He hit the nail on the head with that one." He said. I glared at Vanessa, hoping my anger could somehow burn a hole through her forehead, but she only smiled that cruel smile back at me. "Well…" Gale said, breaking the awkward silence. "We should probably go train. See you later guys." He waved Vanessa over, and she gave me one last smirk before following him.

Finnick laughed and I turned around and swung at him. He was quick enough to block me, however, and our sparring session began. To say I was off my game was an understatement. Finnick managed to pin me down twice, and even he was puzzled. No one could beat me at hand to hand combat, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Vanessa and Gale. He was teaching her how to spar, and the way she flirted with him and touched his arm made my blood boil. I got up to spar Finnick a third time, but when Vanessa let out a particularly high pitched laugh, I turned to look and got clocked in the face.

I collapsed on the ground and groaned, clutching the left side of my face. I tasted blood in my mouth and felt my cheek throbbing. I blinked my eyes and tried to make the dark spots disappear, and laid still on the floor, trying to catch my breath. "Sydney!" I heard Finnick yell. He dropped to his knees next to me and shook my shoulders. "I'm so sorry! I expected you to block or at least be ready, but you just let me sucker punch you. I…I'm sorry!"

I sat up and pushed his arms off of me. "It's fine Finnick." I stood up and realized the whole sparring gym was staring at me, including Gale and Vanessa.

"What's gotten into you?" He asked. He sounded genuinely concerned, and I diverted my eyes from his. I glanced at Gale and shook my head. Finnick put his hand on my shoulder. "Sydney, if you need to talk about something, I'm—"

"I'm fine Finnick!" I yelled. I pushed his arms off of me and stormed out of the gym. I didn't even bother stopping in the locker room to pick up my stuff. I scrunched my face up, trying to get the numbness to go away. My head had started to throb, and I knew I was going to have a terrible headache for the rest of the day. I put my hand up to my cheek and realized my nose was bleeding. I walked to the infirmary that was next to the gym, and the woman there told me it wasn't broken. She gave me some ice and made me sit down so she could get me a prescription for some pain pills. I held the ice up to my forehead and tried to clear my thoughts.

I wasn't a jealous person. Hotheaded. Yes. Naturally aggressive. Yes. Jealous? Never. Jealousy was a strange emotion for me, and I didn't know why it was coming up now. I had given Gale up and told him that I wanted to be friends. I had no right to be jealous of some girl giving him attention. Hadn't I even told him it was ok for him to see someone else? _It was ok._ I tried to tell myself. _Gale can see whoever he wants. I'm happy for him. _So why did I feel a twisting, sick sensation in my stomach when I thought about him and Kane's sister.

That was another problem. There was another Kane. She seemed even more vicious and cut throat than he did, and I hated the way she looked at me. It was like she was already plotting a way to get to me. I had to constantly be on guard. It made my head ache even more just thinking about the plotting and outsmarting I was going to have to do. The nurse came back and gave me a bottle of pain medicine, then sent me back to my room.

I took a long, hot shower and tried to force some food down my throat. I laid down on my bed and put a warm, wet cloth over my eyes, trying to soothe the pain in my head so I could get a few hours of sleep. If I only got a few hours, it saved me from the nightmares. I had a council meeting tonight, but I could sleep until then. As my mind drifted off, Gale's smile flashed in my mind, and I felt myself hoping that I would dream about him.

The phone woke me up. The ringing drilled into my head, and to my dismay, sleep had only made the pain worse. I rolled over and groaned as I got up to answer the phone. "Hello?" I said sleepily, yawning into the receiver.

"Hey Sydney." I heard Katniss' voice on the other end. She had to be back from her honeymoon by now. I wanted to ask her how it was and how she felt being Mrs. Mellark, but the sad and anguished tone in her voice made my stomach turn. Something wasn't right.

"What's wrong Katniss?" I asked. I wasn't known for beating around the bush.

"It's Prim…she's getting worse." I heard her choke back a sob. "The doctor says she has some sort of infection in her leg. They're giving her medicine and my mom and healing her. They said she'll be ok, but she's in so much pain and I'm so scared. I just thought I would call you. You asked me to tell you any news."

I stared hard at the wall in front of me. "I'm so sorry." I could feel tears brimming in my eyes. Guilt overcame all of the jealousy and anger I had been feeling that day, and I felt my heart drop. Prim had been fine a week ago. At the wedding she had been laughing and happy and upbeat. Now she was sick. The burns were my fault, and if anything happened to her. "Thanks for calling me. Everything is going to be ok." I hoped she bought it. I could feel my own voice shaking.

"You're usually a good liar, Syd." She let out a sobbing laugh. "There's a good chance she'll recover, and I know I'm overreacting. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"It's probably the wedding and the honeymoon and stuff. You're overly emotional right now." I steadied my voice. It was important to keep Katniss calm. As her best friend, it was my job to keep her sane. "She'll be fine. It's just a fever, and you've got the best doctor's in the country." I distracted her by talking about her honeymoon and about how she was going hunting later.

When I hung up the phone. I put my back against the wall and slid to the floor. I hit my already throbbing head against the wall and let my body slump. If I could pin point the lowest moment of my life, it would be right now. I had barely slept more than four hours in weeks. I had confused, conflicted feelings about some guy. The country I was supposed to help protect was about to be attacked by an unstoppable force. I was responsible for the permanent disability of an innocent girl. It seemed like everything and everyone in the world was just trying to beat me down. I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. I wouldn't let myself break. I couldn't.

I got up from the floor and got changed for the generals meeting. I tried to get the dark circles out from under my eyes by washing my face and using some treatments I looked up in the medical archives. By the time eight o'clock rolled around, I was feeling a little better, but there was nothing I could do to improve my appearance. I looked like a mental patient. I sighed and shook my head. Nothing I could do about that now. I walked out of my compartment and down the hallway, heading to the room I had grown to hate so much.

I took my seat and waited for the meeting to begin. Haymitch opened with the normal updates about happenings in the districts and updates about the recovery effort. He mentioned that there was no knew news from the war preparations, except that we needed to keep the news quiet for a little while longer, and that we had to be careful because some soldiers were getting suspicious about the extra recruiting and training effort. "And one last thing." He said. "We need to start talking about these presidential elections."

I perked up and sat straight in my chair. This I had to hear. "It's time that we started to pick candidates to follow me on my very short term. I'm proud to announce that I have no plans to run in the election, and that as soon as the next president is sworn in, I will happily retire to district twelve, far away from all of you." He gave us a sarcastic smile. "So…" He looked around the room at all of our nervous faces. "Anyone know where to start?"

"It's been a while since we've had this type of thing. About a hundred years to be exact." Stone said. "But we have the history. We've all read the books. We know how the system works."

"Yes but back then they had parties. They had conventions and a system and platforms. We don't have any of that now." Hartford answered.

"But they had to start somewhere right?" Kane said with a sly smile. He had been surprisingly quiet during this meeting, but now it was his turn to speak. "They built from the ground up, and so will we. Anyone who wishes to run for president should announce their candidacy." He stood up from his chair and walked to the front of the table next to Haymitch. The wicked look in his eye made me squirm, and all the thoughts I had about giving him a chance began flying out the window. "Which is why I would like to officially declare my intent to run for office to become the first elected president of Panem."

He smiled at us all, and I actually felt my jaw fall open. Not him. Not this man who had been trained by a dictator. "O…kay." Haymitch said skeptically. "Anyone else on the council wish to run?" He asked. I didn't even look up at him. I waited for someone to step up. Only a council member would win this election, of that I was sure. We were the only ones with experience and resources, and the people knew who we were. I began to panic when no one said a word. I looked at each of their faces, silently begging them to stand up for themselves. "We'll make the announcement tomorrow that you've decided to run, then anyone else can choose to oppose you." I waited again for a council member to answer, but none did. Maybe I could convince Katniss to run. Or maybe Peeta. Even Gale or Finnick would be better than Kane.

But he was so coneiving, so evil. None of my friends would run against him. Katniss would be the only one to stand a chance, and it was only because of her status as the former mockingjay, but she wouldn't run. I would never ask her to do that. Kane smiled. "I don't think any citizen will be that brave." He laughed softly. "We shall see, though I doubt it will be a close race without one of you wonderful gentlemen as my opponent." Still no one spoke. Stone was clenching his fists. Haymitch began to close the meeting out, and I knew someone had to do something. I wouldn't let there be another dictator in Panem. We had worked so hard to achieve this, and I wasn't going to let it all be for nothing.

"I'll run." I said, standing up suddenly. "I'll run opposite Kane." That's what I got myself into. The generals looked at me with a mixture of shock and pity. I was only eighteen after all. My heart pounded in my chest as I turned to look at Kane. I was surprised and elated that he looked angry, but more importantly, that he looked afraid. I narrowed my eyes confidently and gave him a smirk. I stood up straighter and shoved my shoulders back. I was done being the sullen, depressed girl who had no hope and let people degrade and walk all over her. Sydney Harper was back, and she was ready to fight for this nation again.


	5. Chapter 5

Note: Sorry it took so long! I've been doing original stuff like I said, but I make time for this.

Gale's POV

It wasn't the plane that threw me off. I had flown plenty of times before. I was used to the turbulence and the feeling of your stomach dropping into your feet when the plane dipped a little bit. I knew that there was no real danger in the actual flying. I felt comfortable in the air, but something didn't seem right. It was too easy. It had been too simple. No one had tried to shoot us down. We hadn't been stopped by some mysterious enemy aircraft. We had made it across the ocean and above enemy land with no problem. To some people it would be a relief, but to me it was a warning sign.

"This is your stop Mr. Hawthorne." The pilot announced from the front seat. I wasn't exactly traveling in the lap of luxury in this small private plane, but it was our best shot at avoiding enemy radar, so that's the plane we took. The pilot was an army man who wasn't the best shot, but could avoid enemy fire like he had been born in a plane. That was another part of the plan. We had to be ready for anything, including emergency landings and ejections.

I nodded at him and strapped on the parachute. We hadn't run into any trouble, so we would go through with the original plan. This wasn't supposed to happen. We had so many back ups. We had run through so many situations, and none of it was needed. I tried to breath through the knot in my stomach. I shook my head and put on my helmet, strapping my gun to my back. I gave a thumbs up to the pilot and he opened the door to the outside. The wind screamed in my ears and blew into my eyes and nose. "Good luck man!" The pilot screamed. I looked down at the rolling hills before me, and took one last deep breath, then I jumped out of the plane and began to hurdle towards the ground.

I hadn't gone on the mission with the squad when they had parachuted into the enemy weapons base, so besides the practice runs, this was the first time I had actually had to jump out of a plane. My heart was already pounding in anticipation of the upcoming mission, and catapulting out of a moving object thousands of feet above the ground didn't calm me down. As I felt my lunch rising in my throat, I regretted ever getting myself into this.

I hadn't planned for it, but when they asked for volunteers, I couldn't help it. It was the same day they had announced Sydney and Kane's presidential nominations. Everyone in the district gathered in the large auditorium as they announced the candidates and told us how the election would run. There would be a few months of campaigning followed by a nation wide election to decide who the winner would be. No one else had stepped forward and volunteered to run, so it would be a two person race. I was afraid for Sydney, but when she stood up everyone cheered. The people of district thirteen had watched the games. They had seen Sydney become a hero and stand up to the evil that was President Snow. She definitely had a chance, but I didn't trust Kane. He was manipulative, and it seemed like that would give him a leg up in this type of competition.

After the formalities, the citizens of the district left to go about their daily work, while the soldiers stayed behind. Commander Jacobs stepped out in front of us, and made the official announcement about the war with our foreign enemies. "Today," his voice boomed out over the audience, "we take the first steps in fighting for our lives against an impossible foe. Each one of you has been training your hearts out, and for that I salute you." He paused and took a deep breath. "I could tell you what we're about to go up against, but it'll be easier if I just show you."

He pulled up the footage of the Extasian soldiers on the screen. I grimaced at the way they ruthlessly slaughtered their enemies, and watched in horror as they set of their powerful bombs to completely destroy an island. The fact that these people possessed the power to obliterate an entire island made me sick. I looked at the men around me, and I could tell it was having the same effect on them. The video finished rolling, and I could sense the fear in the room.

"Men and women of the army of Panem, this enemy is upon us. We don't know when they'll strike, but we know that when they do, it will be without mercy. So we're here to ask for a volunteer. One brave soldier who will be the first to go behind enemy lines and attempt to gather so more intelligence about our new foe. You'll be going in blind. The only information we have besides the videos we've just shown is over a hundred years old. You'll also be going in alone. We can't risk losing an entire squad." I looked at the faces around me, and it didn't seem like many people were jumping to volunteer, but I knew someone would. "We've taken hundreds of precautions, but even at then it's a high risk mission, but should you return, you'll have done an unparalleled service to your country. We'll do everything we can to keep you alive, and the nation of Panem will owe you're their lives. So…any volunteers?"

A few men immediately stepped out of line. Some were brave soldiers who were ok fighters, but not the best intelligence wise. Some were weak men trying to prove they were worth something. Others were fools who waited their whole lives for a chance at glory. None of these people even had a chance at making it back. I was surprised that Finnick didn't step up, but he had Annie to come back to. I thought Furman would volunteer, but he had blown his ACL in the sparring ring. Every good soldier had too much to lose. Sydney was running for President, and Katniss and Peeta were too far away to do anything. It had to be someone from our squad, and there was only one of us who had nothing to lose.

I stepped out of my seat and made my way towards the stage. I looked up at Sydney as I passed and her eyes grew wide. I knew that she was silently begging me not to go, but I couldn't help it. I had to do this. I was the only one who stood a chance at surviving. I took my place next to the rest of the soldiers, and Commander Jacobs cast his gaze down at me. I saw pity in his eyes, and I knew he didn't want to lose me either, but as soon as he knew I was up there, his choice had been made. He didn't evaluate anyone. He didn't even look at half the men. "Hawthorne." He said loudly, not looking up from the ground. I walked towards him and saluted.

"Yes sir." I tried to calm down my heart. I was about to begin the most dangerous mission of my life.

"You've been trained by the best." He smirked slyly. "And you've trained with the best. If anyone has a chance of making this mission useful, it's you." He looked into my eyes seriously. "Do you understand the mission, and what is expected of you?" I nodded. "Do you understand that if you are captured, you are expected to die before you reveal any information that could be detrimental for this country, and that if you do, you shall be labeled a traitor and tried as such upon your return?" I nodded again. I wouldn't talk. "Then god speed soldier. You leave at 0600."

I saluted him, and the room was silent. I didn't look at the men who were shedding silent tears for me. I didn't think about the possibility that I would die. I was an amazing fighter, and an incredible soldier. They were going to have to work really hard to capture me. Suddenly, one man stood up, and gave me a salute. The rest of the room followed, and all of the men in the army were honoring me. I nodded in thanks and looked at Sydney. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and she looked like she was about to either cry out or scream at me. The rest of the army filed out. Then she raised her hand and gave a mocking salute, shaking her head.

When I was getting ready to leave, I heard a knock on my door. I opened it and found Sydney standing there, leaning against the doorframe. "Are you insane?" She said with an icy tone. That voice reminded me of Coin. "You clearly have no sense of self preservation. You're going to die out there Gale."

"I'll be fine Sydney. Really. I'm strong, and you know that. I'm just gonna go sneak around and see if I can gain any intel. Then I'll be back here in no time. You heard Jacobs, they'll do everything they can to help me."

"I also heard him say that this was a high risk mission. Gale, you can't do this. You can't leave." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I need you. I know it's selfish, but I need you by my side. To tell me when I'm being stupid and help me with my campaign. I'll go crazy here without you. If you don't come back—"

I walked over and put my hands on her shoulders, forcing them down and trying to relax her. "Syd, I'll be fine. Take my word for it. I'll be back here in no time, advising you on your political ventures and chastising you for being so stubborn." I smiled at her, but I could sense how scared she was for me. It was times like this when I wished I could just kiss her and hold her and make her believe that I would come back to her, but I knew that if I had Sydney's heart, that if we were together, I never would've volunteered for this suicide mission, because I would've had something to lose.

"Whatever you say Gale. But I'll never forgive you if you die."

I laughed heartily, trying to hold back my tears. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to leave her_. Give her a chance. She'll come around_. Katniss' words rang in my head. Maybe if I stayed, I could win her over. I couldn't go back though. I couldn't chicken out. "I have to do this." I laughed weakly. "I'm the only one with nothing to lose."

This seemed to surprise her. She looked taken aback. "You do."

"O do I?" I asked, testing the waters. I was going to push her here. "And what is that?"

"What about your family?" She asked defensively.

"They'll support me. They know how much I care about Panem. Besides, my brother is almost old enough, and they live in district twelve now. They've got a new life."

She sighed. "Well don't I count for anything?" She raised her eyebrows.

I picked up the bag I had just packed and sighed, making my way to the door. "You can't lose something that you never had." I kissed her on the forehead lightly and walked away before she could say another word.

And now here I was. I pulled on my chute and felt myself slow down, floating towards the ground. I had to focus. There was no turning back now. I had to do this. I tucked my feet and slammed into the ground, feeling my entire body shudder at the impact. I detached my chute and gathered my bearings. I looked at the map and headed north, towards a small village where I would begin my mission. The hike was only two miles, and the rolling hills and smooth terrain were easy to transverse. I reached the village and stored my gun in my pack, checking that my small pistol was still in its holster. I was dressed like a traveler, wearing civilian clothes that masked a slim bullet proof vest. There was no voice in my ear. No commander to guide me. Out here, I was on my own.

I took another deep breath and walked around the outskirts of the village, trying to gauge what was what. I saw what appeared to be a butcher's shop, and possibly a bakery. My thoughts shot to Peeta, and I wished he was here next to me to cover my back. I sighed and continued to survey the town, but it seemed like an impossible task. Everything was written in a strange way, and I couldn't make out the words on the buildings. Clearly it was a different language, but I hadn't exactly had time to learn all of these foreign tongues in the eight hours before my mission began. I thought about asking someone, but didn't want to give away that I was a foreigner.

I saw what appeared to be some sort of place for travelers to stay. They had these large hotel type buildings in the Capitol, but I had only ever heard of them. This one was small and run down, but it looked cheap enough. I had some foreign money we had left over from a hundred years ago, and I prayed that they, like us, hadn't changed currency.

I walked in and found myself alone in the lobby. I put my money on the counter, and the woman just stared at me. I gestured around, trying to communicate that I was "mute" and needed a room. She seemed to get the point, and gave the cash a strange look as she slid it off the table, but she accepted it, so I assumed everything had gone smoothly. I was sent to my room and let in by a maid. She handed me my key, and said some strange words which I just grunted at in reply. She left and I sighed as I flopped down on my bed. I spread my things out on a desk and decided to get some sleep. I would begin my search in the morning, and I needed to get rest.

I think I was dreaming about hunting in the woods when I woke up with a start. I pulled the gun out from under my pillow, and my eyes tried to adjust to the room, but it was pitch black. I heard a noise, like someone moving around. Then suddenly, it stopped. I waited a few moments, and decided it was all my mind playing tricks on me. I lowered the gun and sighed, laughing at myself. I felt a flash of pain in the right side of my head. Then another, and spots appeared in front of my eyes before I blacked out.

Sydney's POV

I didn't ask to continuously be woken up in the middle of the night, but somehow it always seemed to happened. I rolled out of bed and threw on some slippers, cracking the door open ever so slightly. "Why is it always you?" I asked Haymitch. I squinted at the light outside the hallway and groaned sleepily. "I'll be ready in five, but this better be important." I started to close the door, but he stopped it.

"Sydney, Gale's been compromised. They captured him." My eyes shot open, and I ran back into my room. My mind raced as I threw on some clothes and a pair of sandals. I didn't care how presentable I was supposed to be. This was Gale. He had been captured. I knew this would happen. Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to go? I ran back to Haymitch and brushed past him on my way to the command room. Some of the generals were waiting. Kane was there, and Stone.

They didn't say a word. They just pulled a video up on the screen and looked at the ground. I sighed. It always started like this. There was Gale, sitting in a chair, head bent towards the ground. It was obvious he was beaten, and I wasn't sure he was even breathing. Then I saw him shift to the side, then groan in pain. This went on for a few minutes. "Turn it off." I shouted. "I get the point already."

"No." Haymitch snapped. "You don't." Suddenly, a man appeared on the screen. His face was masked in shadow and he put his hands on the back of Gale's chair. A few men who seemed to be guards appeared around him.

"Citizens of Panem." His voice was deep and cold. It shot through my veins like ice, and I found myself shuddering. This was no President Snow. This was no Coin. This man wasn't just selfish or power-hungry. This man was evil. "I guess our friends from Pacifica managed to get a message out to you. I guess they showed you how powerful we are. I guess you decided that you needed to see more." His voice rose, and he seemed to become angry. "So you sent one man. Not a team. Not an army. One man. As if you think one person could outsmart me, and leave unharmed with information regarding my country. I'm insulted. I can't believe you would underestimate me that much. You're new leader is clearly an imbecile." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you. You've given me a gift. I'm going to get every single ounce of information I can out of this…boy. I'm going to torture him until he begs to sell you out. I'm going to show you exactly who you're dealing with. Enjoy the show." The camera flickered, and the man was gone. He was replaced by a larger man, who held a whip out in front of him. They started to torture Gale. They beat him and screamed at him. They held him within an inch of death.

I turned away from the screen. "Please Haymitch. Please just make it stop." I heard the video stop.

"I can't Sydney. They're going to kill him." I felt myself start to lose it. The panic set in and I started to hyperventilate. Why hadn't I told him to stay? Why hadn't I forced him to? If I told him I loved him, he would've stayed. He had to. Now he was about to die a horrible death, and there was nothing I could do about it. "Unless." I stopped breathing. "You go and find him." I forced myself to face him, and he brought up another screen. This one showed the map of Extasia. "Remember the trackers they shot into your arms in the games? Well we gave one to Gale, only its unremovable and untraceable. There is a satellite tracking his every move, and we know exactly where he's being held."

"So what am I supposed to do? The whole one man thing? Cause that turned out so well for Gale."

Haymitch shook his head. "No. Not this time. This time you'll have a team."

"Who?" I asked warily.

"Whoever you want, but choose wisely. You have exactly three days to prepare." Three days? It took me about two minutes to decide who I wanted, and about twenty more to head to the station and get on the next train to district twelve.

I tried to decide what I was going to say the whole way over there. I had been so happy they were living in peace in twelve. They were finally out of harms way. Now I was going to drag them back in to this terrible war. And then there was that. I had to explain to them that even thought they thought they were safe, we were about to enter a terrible war where they both would probably die, but they would help me with this. I mean this was Gale we were talking about. He was their friend just as much as he was mine.

I walked towards the Victor's Village slowly. I tried to formulate my thoughts again, but just got flustered. I would wing it. It's what I did best. I knocked a few times, and no one answered. I tapped my foot on the ground and waited, the anxiety growing every second. _Answer the door Katniss._ I yelled at her inside my own head. Finally, I got tired of waiting, and headed over to see Prim. Maybe Katniss was out, and I could wait for her at her mother's house. I knocked on the door, and heard shuffling and noises from the other side. The door opened, and Katniss' mother's jaw dropped when she saw me. "Sydney Harper?" She yelled loudly enough for the whole neighborhood to hear.

"Uh…hi Mrs. Everdeen. I need to talk to Katniss and Peeta. It's of the utmost importance, and it's urgent, but I can't seem to find them anywhere." Winging it made me sound like an up tight dork. "Do you happen to know where they are—"

I didn't get to finish my sentence before I was nearly tackled into the ground beside to porch. "Harper!" I heard a gruff voice yell. I gave Peeta a hug in return and tried to fake a smile. I could at least hide my real reason for coming until we were alone.

"Hey Peeta." I said. My fake enthusiasm was short lived. "You weren't at your house….I knocked." I needed to get him alone. Mrs. Everdeen was hovering over us, and I felt her listening. "Where's Katniss?"

"Whose out here?" I heard her before I saw her. Katniss appeared in the doorway behind her mother. She looked different from the last time I saw her. There were bags under her eyes, and she looked exhausted, but at the same time, she looked radiant. The wedding had been months ago. She looked even happier now than she did then. A glow seemed to hum off of her, and it made me uneasy. "Sydney?" She smiled at first, but when she looked at me, it faded quickly. I knew I was disheveled. I knew that I could put on a façade for everyone, but not here. "What are you doing here?" I didn't answer. I just glanced warily at her mother. She seemed to get the message. "Peeta, come with me to the house. We'll get Sydney set up in a room."

He nodded as Katniss reassured her mother that they would be right back. Why were they there in the first place. It was the middle of the afternoon on a weekday. Peeta should have been at the bakery, and Katniss should be hunting. I shook off the suspicions and followed them into the house. They closed and locked the door, making sure no one had followed them. "What's going on Sydney?" Katniss asked seriously.

I sighed and recounted the whole story. I first told them about how I was running for President. Then I launched into my story about the war. I told them all about Extasia and the power they possessed. How it was only a matter of time before they attacked us. How there was another war coming. I saw them seem to grow more and more nervous with each new piece of news. Then I told them about the mission. "So they asked for volunteers." I said finally. "And they selected Gale to go." Katniss gasped, and Peeta clenched his fist.

"How is he…" He didn't even finish his sentence. I collapsed onto the couch and started to cry.

"They got him. They captured him and they're going to kill him." I felt the sobs that had been building up in me for months all come out. It wasn't just about Gale. It was Kane and the presidency and the stress. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle losing him. I calmed myself down. I didn't want to ask them. Not yet. I wanted the news to sink in. "So how've your lives been?" I asked shakily. They looked back and forth between themselves. The smile returned to Katniss face, but this time, there was a hint of sadness to it. She gripped Peeta's hand tightly. "Have you been busy?" I said slowly. I didn't really know what was going on.

"I called you earlier today. You didn't answer. I would've told you then." Katniss said. "I'm pregnant." She said with a laugh. I felt my heart sink. No wonder her smile was sad. I had just told her there was an eighty percent chance that her child would die before he or she ever got to live. I had just doomed him to a life of misery and imprisonment. I was here to ask this child's parents to risk their lives to save Gale. Well I couldn't not now. Not after this.

"Uh…" I realized they were waiting for me to respond. "That's amazing!" I said with mock enthusiasm. I gave them both hugs and laughed to try and hide the tears. I would never rescue Gale, not without them. But I couldn't ask them now. I shook my head. "I'm so happy for you. This is a miracle. You two deserve it." I stood up and grabbed my backpack. "This child is blessed." I rambled on, walking towards the door. "You two are going to live long, happy lives, and raise this kid to live a long, happy life. You're out of danger. You're fine." I walked towards the door. "I just wanted to inform you. I just wanted to tell you what's going on, that's it. Good luck. I'll be back soon. I'll throw you a baby shower Kat. It'll be great." I stepped out into the cool autumn air and tried to take deep breaths. The core of my team was gone. I felt guilty and angry and hopeless. I gave them both hugs. "See you soon!"

I walked towards the edge of the Victor's Village, and I could feel the confused look on Katniss' face following me. I heard someone shouting my name, but I didn't turn. He ran faster than I walked, and finally caught up to me. "Sydney wait!" Peeta yelled. I stopped reluctantly and he gasped for breath. "Why…why are you here?" I started to repeat my statement about informing them. "No." He stopped me. "Why are you really here?" I didn't answer. I just stared at the ground.

"Sydney." He said angrily.

"I told you. I wanted to keep you up to date." I said.

"You would've just called." He spat back. We were silent for a while. I wondered if Katniss was still watching us. "They're sending a team to rescue him aren't they?" Peeta asked. I just shook my head. "Aren't they? And they put you as the head of it didn't they? And asked you to form a team? And you came here to get us, but now you won't." I just turned and started walking. "I'm going with you." He shouted.

I turned on my heel and stalked back towards him. He looked at me with a determined grimace. I shoved him as hard as I could and he fell to the ground. "Hey!" He tried to get up, but I kicked his side. He rolled out of the way with a grunt of pain. I ran after and hit him again.

"How." Another hit. "Could." Again. He grunted. "You. Say that!" I shouted, shoving him again. "Are you an idiot? Are you that big of an asshole? You would abandon your wife and the girl you promised to love forever, along with your unborn child, to follow me on a suicide mission to save the guy who I was too stupid to stop from getting himself killed. That's the most disappointing, ignorant, ,selfish thing I've ever heard. I hate you for that Peeta Mellark. I hate you for this." He stared at the ground. He knew I was right.

"I know." He said softly. "I just want to save him. He's my best friend. My brother." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I just don't want to lose any more family."

"Then turn around, and walk back to that house." I said finally, turning on my heel and heading back to the station without another word.


	6. Chapter 6

Note: WOW. I've been gone a while. It was hard to keep writing this after Keep Fighting, because I was so attached to that story. I'm going to continue it though, because I have some fantastic ideas for future chapters. There's some Katniss and Peeta fluff in here, and I promise next chapter will be action packed. Stay tuned and review.

Sydney's POV

"So you're telling me we're going to march into some random building we know nothing about, pray to god they didn't see us coming, hope to God that he's actually there, then somehow manage to save him and get back to the plane in time to take off safely, all while learning as much about this foreign nation as we can, and trying not to get ourselves killed?" I nodded hesitantly. "Wow. You really are a genius Harper." Vanessa Kane scoffed in her degrading, sarcastic voice.

"No one forced you to be here Vanessa. You can jump out of the plane right now if you don't like the plan. In fact, do us all a favor and stay here. That way we don't have to worry about saving your ass when we're on the ground." I didn't like how she talked down to me. The general's council had given me this mission, and I had done the best I could with it. I hadn't been given much to work with in the first place. Haymitch had told me everything they knew about Gale's mission and whereabouts, and the little information they had garnered before his capture. Haymitch had thrown me and my…team…on an airplane and sent us overseas, ordering me to lead the mission and create a rescue plan.

This is what I had come up with. We were going in totally blind, but we didn't have a choice. Gale was in there, and I wasn't going to let him die. I could only imagine the torture he was going through right now. I hadn't watched the tapes they sent us, nor did I see the live feed they had set up on a secured network linked between our countries. I couldn't bear to think about what they were doing to him. It made me panic and my stomach churn. If I had just stopped him…

"My brother put me on this mission because he knows I'm the best there is." Wrong. I thought. He put you here to keep an eye on me. "Gale will be fine with me here. You needed a fifth for your group, and I fit in perfectly." _Fuck you Katniss._ I thought as Vanessa looked down at me with that evil smirk. I had planned on her being beside me, keeping me calm, helping me plan out how to rescue Gale. Instead, I got the queen of cockiness. I looked around at the other three people that were on their way to Extasia with me. Finnick sat on a stool, re-reading the mission outlines with his brow furrowed. He was the person of my original squad who came with us.

I had wanted it to be squad 451 who went to rescue Gale, but Furman had a new wife and a teaching job he had to attend to. Johanna was too far away to reach before we left. Peeta and Katniss were going to have a child. So it was up to Finnick and I to rescue our former teammate. He looked up from the papers when Vanessa spoke, and gave her a dark look. Gale was one of Finnick's closest friends, and I knew these weren't the people he would have chosen to go on one of the most dangerous missions of his career with. A small, oriental looking man with close-cropped hair and a permanently serious look sat to my left, twirling knives and grimacing at some sort of invisible pain. He had never spoken a word to me, so I had taken to calling him Mouth. At first I thought the nickname would get a rise out of him, and I constantly told him to stop talking, but he just glared at me calmly and went back to twirling his knives.

The other guy on our team called himself Gunner. He was a gung hoe young trainee, sent out on his first mission after graduating from the academy. He was an amazing shot with a rifle, so I understood why they called him Gunner. What I didn't understand was how he had passed out of the academy test-wise. "So tell me how to use this again?" He asked Finnick in his slight drawl. He was pointing to the computer tracking system, which showed where Gale was located. Finnick rolled his eyes and walked over there for about the sixth time. I sighed slowly. This mission was doomed to fail. It was going to be up to me to save us all.

For the hundredth time that day I cursed Peeta and Katniss. They had to get pregnant now? Now when I needed them most? But then when he had volunteered, hadn't I yelled at him? Of course I did. Peeta needed to be with Katniss. Not out on some suicide mission with me. A part of me wished I had said yes, but at the same time I knew that it wasn't right. I wouldn't let that kid grow up without a father. Not like I had. And what would Katniss do if he died? Probably become a miserable wreck unfit to have a child. Probably ruin her life, or kill herself, or something. No. They were better off far away from this place.

I got up from my seat and went to the cockpit. Our pilot was a nice enough man, but even he seemed to know we were doomed. He always gave me a huge smile and offered me a cup of coffee and any help he could. Usually, our planes were all autopilot, but Haymitch had figured it would be best to have a real pilot in unknown territory. Something told me that when it came down to it, the best pilot in the world couldn't stop us from being brought down like birds trying to escape a hunter's bullet. "How long until we arrive?" I asked with a sigh. I hated this waiting. Traveling was the worst, and I wanted to start already. If I was going to die, I might as well just get on with it.

He looked at a few readings and adjusted a knob or two, then he shook his head. "Ten minutes." I frowned. Here we go. "A generous ten minutes, but not much more than that."

"Thank you sir." He stood up and faced me, and we saluted. "I'll get my team ready. Remember, as soon as we're all out, do a 180 and get the hell out of here. Circle around outside the perimeter for as long as you can, waiting for my signal. Our radar jammers seemed to work with Gale's plane. He was only caught once he hit the ground. Try to stay up high though it'll help—"

"And whose the pilot here?" He said with a grin. I laughed anxiously. "I'll be there when you call me." I turned to leave. "Good luck." I heard him say.

"At this point," I answered over my shoulder, "even that won't help me."

I walked back to the passenger bay and told my team to suit up. The cocky look dropped from Vanessa's face, and she turned to her gear. Finnick rolled up the maps and put them in his pack, while Gunner packed up his rifle and Mouth his knives. I had to believe in these people. They weren't ideal, but this is all we had. I helped them out as best as I could, and tried to improve the moral.

"Will you smile for me Mouth?" I pleaded as I packed my bag. "Just one time. I won't tell anyone. I'll even make them turn away if you want." Finnick laughed, but Mouth only continued to scowl. "It's my dying wish for you to smile Mouth. I swear I'll make it happen, if it's the last thing I do." The fact that my last moments could very well be upon me made that statement even worse, but it got a laugh out of Finnick and Gunner, and they seemed to be a little less nervous as they strapped on their chutes.

Vanessa, on the other hand, was a wreck. When she laughed at my Mouth joke, it was too high pitched and unrealistic. She was scared out of her mind, and while part of me wanted to laugh at her, I knew that I couldn't. A leader wouldn't do that. I walked over and grabbed a grenade she had dropped on the floor, slipping it into her pack. "You're gonna need that." I said.

She just nodded. "You need to breath Vanessa." I grabbed both of her shoulders and turned her to face me. "It's going to be ok. We're going to rescue Gale and get out of here unscathed."

"You don't really believe that. Don't lie to me Harper." She spat. Well, her attitude was still there.

"Alright." I pulled back defensively. "You're not who I would've picked for this mission. We both know that I don't like you and you don't like me, but it doesn't matter. You're here, and I need your help. As much as I hate to admit it, you're a good fighter, maybe not the best, but you're good. Snap out of it, Kane. If you blow this mission I swear that no powerful brother will be able to stop me from killing you. If you have my back…" I started, but immediately checked my sentence. I wouldn't make that deal. Not with her. "Just cover me. I'll get you out safely." I turned on my heel and walked towards the drop zone.

The doorway opened, and cold wind blew into the cargo bay. I signaled for Finnick and Gunner, and they jumped out the door. Vanessa was next, followed by Mouth, and finally, I took a deep breath and plunged through the night sky. The way down wasn't that bad. We were much farther out from the interest point than Gale had been, so there was really no danger of getting shot down.

When I finally floated down to the ground, I hit it hard and on the run, detaching my parachute as I went. I looked up for any sign of our plane, but it was long gone. We were truly alone now, and there was no going back. We all rendezvoused at a designated spot, and when I did a final head check we were ready to go. We all pulled our visors down, and I heard my speaker system hum to life. "From this point on," I whispered, "I want minimal talking. Use the in-helmet guidance system, and only relay messages when necessary. Hand signals only, and any noise we make could get us all killed."

I got four green clicks in response, and started to move forward. We had miles to cover before the sun came up, and we had to move quickly. The timer on the upper left hand corner of my visor read five hours until dawn. I sighed and started to march.

KATNISS POV

I was still just standing in the hallway like an idiot when the door clicked shut behind Peeta. He was covered in dirt, and his hair was disheveled, but the most worrisome thing was the look in his eyes. It was a strange mix of disappointment, anger, and confusion, and it made me uneasy. Silence hung awkwardly in the air as he stared at the carpet in front of him. I waited for him to speak, but he just kept on staring sullenly at the ground, like he wanted to burn a hole right through it. "What just happened?" I asked finally.

He didn't answer me. "Peeta, what just happened?" I asked again. Sydney had come and gone in such a blur. She had just showed up at our doorway, told us Gale was a hostage, then left with no further explanation. It was hard to believe that she had traveled all the way to twelve just to deliver news to us, but she left so quickly that I didn't get a chance to ask her. When he didn't answer, I grunted in frustration. "Damnit, Peeta. Why won't you just say something?" I yelled angrily.

"They're going after him Katniss." His head snapped up and he stared intently into my eyes. "She's forming a team, and they're going to rescue him. That's why she came here." I took a few steps towards him.

"I don't understand. Sydney's too important to be going out on a mission like this. They wouldn't send her—"

"They can't send anyone else." He interrupted. "They need the best. The strongest. It's the only way they'll get Gale out. They're going to kill him, don't you get it? And Sydney is going to try and rescue him before it's too late."

"She'll find him. I'm sure they will. He'll be ok."

"No he won't!" He yelled. Peeta rarely got angry, so I just stared at him. "He's going to die there Katniss. And Sydney's going to die trying to save him. Then these foreign terrorists are going to come here, and they're going to kill us all because without Sydney, we have no chance of surviving. But can we do anything? No. We're stuck here in district twelve, waiting to hear the news that all of our friends have died."

My first thought was to comfort Peeta, but anger slowly started to overcome any empathetic feelings. "You want to leave Peeta? You want to go get yourself killed? Throw yourself out there like a hero and leave me to do this alone?" The rage made my hands shake, and I realized I was yelling. "One hell of a marriage this is. We're having a child Peeta. We aren't soldiers anymore. This is the battle we have to fight, and god help you if you give up on me. I thought you were better than that Peeta Mellark. I never thought you would abandon me, let alone your own child, or I never would have married you."

I pushed past him and walked out the door, tears of sadness and anger welling up in my eyes. This wasn't the Peeta Mellark I knew. He would never think about doing this. "I'm still here aren't I?" He yelled after me.

I turned on my heel and laughed sarcastically, pushing the tears back. "Why? Because Sydney forced you to." I didn't know where to direct my anger. Part of it was at Peeta, but part of it was at Sydney. "God forbid you disobey her. I'm sure you'd love to go keep her and Gale safe. So go Peeta. If that's what you want, just go. Be a hero." I felt the tears start to flow and I turned away. I used to be so good at controlling my emotions, but the combination of hormones and Peeta made it nearly impossible.

I felt his arms around me, and I tried to pull away, but he turned me around to face him. "You're the most important thing to me Katniss." He said. "Never doubt that. I would never leave you. Protecting you is why I live, its why I'm here. I just…I'm…I'm afraid, Kat." His voice dropped and I looked up at him. I saw it there, the fear. I felt it too. This was a new type of war. One that a couple berries and a mockingjay couldn't win for us. "What if they die? What if we die? What if our child never gets a chance to grow up? What if he does? I'm scared of that too. What if I'm not a good parent? What if I can't do it, or I mess up somehow, or he hates me? There are just so many things that are out of my control right now—"

I put my finger over his lips. "There are a lot of reasons to be afraid. You're right. We might die before we ever get to be parents, but we've survived so much, I can't imagine this is going to prevent us from being happy. Secondly, you're going to be an amazing father. You're an incredible husband, and I can't imagine raising a child could be any harder than being married to me." He laughed lightly and kissed my forehead. I could see his confidence coming back. "And finally, if Sydney is as important and amazing as you say she is," I said sarcastically, "she'll find Gale, and she'll bring him back. Then, she'll figure out some way to save us all."

"I don't know if that last one is possible." He answered.

"You said we were doomed without her." I said, puzzled.

"Yeah, but there's still a good chance that we're doomed even with her here. I just meant that if we have any chance of surviving, its with Sydney leading the charge." I didn't answer him, and he frowned. I could feel a pang of jealousy in my heart, and I tried to make it go away. It was irrational, but I couldn't help it. "What's wrong Kat?"

I chewed my lip, wondering how to express my opinions without them sounding like petty jealousy. "Why do you think that? Why do you think she's so important?" I said finally.

"I've always felt like Sydney was special. Every since I first met her, I knew she would be significant, not just in our lives, but in the future of all of Panem." I didn't really understand, and Peeta seemed to sense that. "There always has to be a hero." His eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed as he spoke. "For the rebellion, it was you. You were the Mockingjay, you were the savior. Everyone loved you, and you inspired them to fight. But with Sydney, its different. She's not so much a symbol as she is a warrior. Her whole life has been this sad mixture of disappointment, abandonment, and betrayal, and yet she's come out of it alive and well. She's a survivor, and right now, I think that's what we need. We need someone to show us that no matter what happens, there's a way to get through it."

"You think she's that person? That she's the right person?" I asked.

Peeta just sighed and shook his head. "Right now, for Gale's sake, I pray that she's that person."

Gale's POV

The pain was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I felt the white hot metal brush against my skin again, and heard myself scream. It was like I wasn't even attached to my body anymore. The thoughts and emotions ran through me, and I could see them and hear them, but I couldn't feel them. I didn't live in my own mind anymore. I couldn't. It hurt too badly.

"Again." I heard the voice. Again, I saw the metal, felt the pain, but at the same time didn't feel it. Didn't dare feel it. The world spun around me, and stars stained my eyes.

"Again." I was going to die here. Right now. This pain would kill me. I wanted it to. I wanted to die. I needed to die. It was the only way to escape.

"Again." No. No Gale. You won't die. You have to make it home to your family. To your friends. To her. Fight for it Gale. Fight to survive.

Faces flashed in front of me. My mother, shaking laundry out in our home in district twelve. Katniss, focused on shooting a bird out of the air. My little brother, laughing as I chased him around our yard. Peeta and Finnick, patting me on the back after a long run. Sydney, smiling at me through the pain. Through the darkness. It was so clear.

"Again." But the pain was so intense. I had been beaten, kicked, burned, drowned, cut, whipped slashed, and beaten again. I lost concept of days and hours and weeks a while ago. I started to lose hope. I started to lose my grip on reality. _It would be easier to die. _I told myself. _Just die_.

I closed my eyes and the room went blury. The guards went away. My tormentors went away. Everything blurred out. I heard the voice shout. "Ag—" but it got cut off. Clearly I had lost the ability to hear. People started moving, the room began to spin, and I heard distant shouts and yells, but that was my imagination. I was dying, or I was already dead. I felt my head hit the floor, and oddly enough, the last face I saw was Finnick Odair.


	7. Chapter 7

Sydney's POV

Getting in was easy. It was getting out that was the hard part. Sirens blared around my head, and red flashing lights blanketed the room in a bloody glow. But we had Gale. That's what mattered. I took a second to get my bearings, and turned to Finnick. "We've gotta go!" I yelled over the sirens. He nodded at me and slung Gale over his shoulder. He had signaled that Gale was still breathing, but he looked awful, and I didn't know how long that would last.

We headed out into the corridor, but I felt the pounding of footsteps on the light aluminum floor, and immediately pushed Finnick back inside. I kicked open the back door and it slammed against the wall behind it. I had no idea where it lead, but I prayed that it wasn't a dead end. We turned to the right and tried to circle around. The plan had been for Vanessa and Mouth to be a distraction, so we hoped only half of the Extasian guards were following us.

As we ran down the corridor, I saw a movement to my left, and dove ahead as bullets exploded above my head. Finnick crouched down on the other side of the hallway opening, and looked at me. I pulled my gun up and waited for the shooting to stop. The sirens were so loud, I couldn't tell if the shooter was coming towards us or not. I needed to be faster than him. It was the only way to get Finnick and Gale across. Finnick started to stand up, pistol in hand, but I waved him down. There was no way he would win that fight with a 200 pound guy thrown over his shoulder.

I stood up and peaked around the corner quickly, then ducked back as another round exploded next to my head. He was off to the right, but he had probably moved now. _Do it Sydney_. I said to myself. _Take the shot, or you'll all die here._ I took a deep breath and swung my upper body out of the opening. The world seemed to move in slow motion as I noticed him to my left, and fired two shots. He didn't even have time to raise his own gun before his body hit the ground with a thud. I stared at him for a moment, then felt Finnick's arm on my shoulder, and knew it was time to move.

Our hallway ran parallel to the one we had planned on heading out through, but I groaned when I noticed it ended in a dead end. I took a sharp left and hoped to reconnect, but I knew I was only getting further away. Another series of turns and I knew we were lost. The footsteps were close to us no, and the radar on my helmet was going crazy. We needed to get to the surface, now.

I pulled Finnick into one of the side rooms, and slammed the door shut. The sirens were slightly muted in here, and I took a moment to shake out the ringing in my ears. "We need to find a way out." I said, my breath staggered.

He readjusted Gale on his shoulder and grunted. "I know. But I got turned around when I saw the soldiers. I have no idea where—" Something banged against the door. My head whipped around, and another bang followed the fist. Finnick and I backed up against the wall and raised our pistols. The hinges busted off and the door flew open.

"Don't shoot!" I heard a familiar voice yell just before I pulled the trigger. Mouth walked through the door with his hands up, and I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Come with me." He jerked his head to the side and Finnick and I ran after him.

"Where are we going?" I asked as we ran.

"To the surface. To Gunner. To the plane." He answered shortly. How did he know the way out? We headed through a series of tunnels and he kicked open another door at the end of a long hallway. I looked straight up and saw flights and flights of stairs going straight up. Our ascent was hasty, and when I turned back to how far we'd come, I saw Finnick two flights below me.

The guards bursted through the door at the bottom of the staircase. We had a good ten flights on them, but Finnick was slowing down, and I could tell Gale's weight was getting to him. I ran back down and pulled on Finnick's arm. "We have to go!" I shouted as the guards thundered up the stairs. I grabbed Gale's legs and took some of his weight, pushing Finnick up the stairs. Mouth was right ahead of us, making sure the way was clear, and taking shots at the guards below us. They fired back and we had to duck down to avoid the bullets. I felt one ricochet off my armor, and gasped in pain. It didn't pierce the skin, but I would have a nasty bruise.

There was no way we were going to make it. We have six flights of stairs to go, and the enemy soldiers were right on top of us. I tried to force my legs to move faster, and a well timed burst of bullets by Mouth slowed the guards down a little. "Mouth!" I shouted. "There's no way we can make this. They'll kill us. Can you take some of his weight?"

"Won't help." Mouth said shortly. His face was serious, and he stared into my eyes. He pulled a grenade out from his belt.

"We can't." I said, panicking. If the grenade went off in this small space it would take out the guars, but it would also take us out.

He nodded at me knowingly, and pushed past Finnick down the stairs. I yelled after him to stop, but he turned around and smiled at me. "Go quick. Be safe." I wanted to save him. To stay and force him to follow us. I would rather us all die than turn around and let him sacrifice himself for me, but I couldn't. This was his choice, and he was too far gone.

When I pushed open the door to the surface and climbed out, dragging Gale's body and helping Finnick out, I closed the door as fast as I could. I heard bullets banging against it, then felt the ground shake as the grenade exploded. My jaw clenched and I felt my stomach turn. The urge to get out of here as fast as I could barely overcame the one to go back in and kill every single one of them. I wouldn't let his sacrifice be in vain.

Finnick and I carried Gale's body as fast as we could through the woods and out to the extraction point. I looked at the map on the inside of my helmet, and we were only about three hundred yards from the green blinking dot that was our escape vehicle. "Are you sure this is the right way?" Finnick said breathlessly.

I looked at the map again. "Of course I'm sure. I just got the location before we got to Gale, but Gunner said he would find a way out. So I'm guessing he did."

"I thought he was supposed to be watching our backs." Finnick asked worriedly.

"He was, but what's he going to do when we're inside? Shoot through metal. He's more useful this way."

He grunted. "You trust him with this? He's not exactly the smartest guy in the squad."

"He'll get us there." I said cutting him off. "He has to." I felt a pang of doubt in my stomach, but I shook it off. He had to. We got closer and closer to the green dot, and I knew we weren't moving fast enough. They were definitely following us by now, I just had to pray that they didn't know which direction we had gone. We turned around a sharp bend and I slowed down when I saw a security vehicle there. I signaled for Gale to fall back, and released Gale's weight, stepping towards the vehicle slowly.

Gunner jumped out from the driver's seat, a broad smile on his face. "Told you I'm your man." He opened the backseat door. "Shall we?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Help get Gale inside." I sent the signal to our pilot that we were ready, and received a green blink in reply. A blue triangle appeared on my map, and I opened the passenger door.

"Where's Mouth?" Gunner asked. I looked at the ground and clenched my jaw. "Is he…" He didn't need to finish. I just nodded my head.

"We have to go." I said firmly. I wanted to leave this place far behind.

"Wait." Finnick asked as he climbed into the back. "Where's Vanessa?" I looked around and realized she had never been here. She was supposed to be with Mouth, but he had met us alone. We had been in too much of a hurry, and I hadn't thought to ask. If she wasn't here, she was most likely dead.

I pulled a small electronic device out of my belt and pressed a code into the screen. A larger radar map came up, along with status symbols for all the members of my team. Gunner, Finnick, and my bodies were lit up in green. Mouth was red, and Vanessa's was yellow. She wasn't dead. I clicked on her symbol and then on the radar. It searched for a moment, then a yellow dot blinked on the screen back at the prison building.

"We should leave." Gunner said quickly. "If we don't go now, they'll kill us all. Fatalities happen. She was a good soldier, but its no reason for the mission to fail." I thought about the smile on Mouth's face as he descended those stairs. I saw Lexie's face, and Emanuel's. If Vanessa's would added to the list, I would never forgive myself.

"I won't lose anyone else today." I closed the radar and punched in a new code. The blue triangle for the plane blinked on the screen, and I handed it to Finnick. "Go. I'll meet you there." He nodded and got into the driver's seat. Gunner's protests were the last things I heard as I took off through the trees.

It amazed me how quickly the district thirteen technology could form a map of our surroundings. The plane had gotten some screenshots taken 3-D images of the terrain as it dropped us off and flew overhead. Our satellites also began taking images as soon as they zeroed in on our location. I found an immediate path back to the prison, and hopefully back to Vanessa.

I couldn't go back through the door we had come out, so I circled around the building snuck through the gate. There were no guards posted out here, as I imagined they were all chasing us through the woods. I got into the building through another opened door, and didn't know whether I should be thankful for that or fearful that they would get to Finnick and Gunner. I ran into a few dead ends, but managed to make my way into the underbelly of the prison and towards Vanessa's yellow dot. I slowed down and checked around every corner, but there were no guards in the building.

When I reached what I believed to be the door Vanessa was behind, I paused. It had been too easy. The sirens were still going off. The red lights were still blaring, but no one was chasing me. No one was trying to follow me. The door slid open in front of me, and a dark figure stood across the room in front of a series of screens, hands crossed behind his back. I stepped inside, rifle raised. "Turn around and put your hands up." I said. I took a quick survey of the room, and didn't see Vanessa, but there was her yellow dot, blinking right on top of my green one. She should be here.

The figure didn't move. "Where is she?" I said, tightening my grip on the pistol. He didn't answer. "Where is she?"

Finally, he turned on his heels and looked straight into my eyes. I gasped and felt my throat close, my rifle falling to my side. It couldn't be. He was dead. He had been for over thirteen years. I had watched him die. I had seen him fall over. It had to be a mistake. Had to be impossible. I stuttered and gasped, trying to make sense of how he could be here. Trying to sort out the mixture of confusion and anger and sadness and happiness. "Hello Sydney." My father said, a grim smile crossing his lips. "I've been waiting for you."

"There's no way." I finally managed to get out. "You're dead. I saw you fall over into your plate. I watched them carry you out. How are you standing here?" I shook my head and raised my gun. "This is a trick. A joke. A façade. Who are you really?"

He took a step towards me. "It's me, sweetheart." He said softly.

"Don't take another step." I felt my voice quiver. The shock was setting in. "How…how can I know? You're clearly lying. Prove it." He looked exactly like I remembered him. Brown hair streaked with grey. Strong, green eyes and athletic build. Soft smile. But I didn't buy it. Anyone could replicate appearance, and the room was dark.

"I could tell you about the scar behind your knee that you got from surgery when you were three." I resisted the urge to look at the back of my leg. I knew it was there.

"So you looked up my medical records for some reason. I don't know why, but it proves nothing." I spat back.

"I could tell you the present I got you on your fifth birthday. An automated talking robot. Because you didn't have any friends at school yet." I loosened the grip on my rifle. That was true, but I shook my head.

"Or I could tell you the last words I said to you before I left." His stare was intense and icy. "I asked you to pass me the salt." It was a simple sentence, but it was true, and impossible to find out from anyone else. I dropped my gun to my side again.

"Why? How?" I didn't know which questions to ask. So many ran through my head. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I wanted to go up and throw my arms around him. I wanted to be happy he was alive, but I didn't understand. He was wearing a foreign military uniform. His hair was clean cut and he was shaven. He didn't look like a prisoner, so who was he.

"Why am I here? How am I alive?" He said with a strange smugness. "Well Sydney, the death that you witnessed, the trauma that you saw, wasn't real. I faked my own death."

It was so matter of fact. It sounded so simple when he said it. "Why would you do that? Why would you want to leave thirteen, to leave me?"

"Well you see my dear, it wasn't thirteen I left, it was Extasia." I guess he could sense my confusion, because he continued without waiting for me to respond. "I have always been Extasian. I will always be Extasian. I was born here, and eventually, when I'm done, I will die here. Going to Panem was just one part of a long and drawn out plan that I'm lucky enough to be a part of." He turned and walk back towards the screens.

"A plan? A plan for what?"

"Well the plan to destroy Panem of course. It's been my life's work, and I'm so very proud of it." He answered.

"You started the rebellion to overthrow the government and save the people from oppression. Why would you want to destroy something you helped build?" I said, dumbfounded. "I don't…I don't…"

"The best way to take down a country is to attack at its weakest moment. Every military leader knows a country's weakest moment is when its rebuilding, or when a new government or power has been put in place, and a new system is just beginning. The only way to make Panem weak enough to attack was to get Snow and his Capitol drones out of office and replace them with a few rebels who really had no idea what they were doing.

"You see, every cause needs a martyr, and every rebellion needs a kickstart. I took over the government of district thirteen. I rebuilt it into a military power in secret, and planted the seeds for rebellion in the districts. When the time came, and I was at the height of my fame, I faked my own death, and made it seem like someone had poisoned me, leaving signs that it was a Capitol spy who had found out about me, and in the process, becoming a martyr for the cause. They killed the 'spy' and my name and face were forever remembered as a symbol of rebellion.

"I married your step mother and told her to make sure my plan was carried out. I won her over to Extasia's cause pretty easily, and she did her job just like I asked. Her death at the hands of the Everdeen girl was unfortunate, but everything else worked out perfectly, and the once stable, yet oppressive, government of Panem was overthrown. We had a similar plan that was put in place with Oceana, but it moved more quickly, and we didn't see them anticipate us. It was unfortunate that they got to warn you, as our forces aren't one hundred percent mobile yet. As soon as they are, we will attack Panem, and destroy each and every one of you."

The information hit me like a brick wall. This wasn't happening. My father was a gentle, kind man who loved Panem and would do anything to save it. He was a brave hero. Just like I remembered him. Just like I was always told. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Well you see Sydney," he said with a smirk, "there's still a chance that Panem could resist us. Your people are feisty, and they have someone they believe will save them no matter what."

"Who's that?" I snorted. My thoughts immediately jumped to Katniss, but I knew she was in no condition to save anyone.

"You, love." He answered. "I watched those Hunger Games. I saw you sacrifice yourself. The people over there love you, and they'll stand behind you no matter what."

"So are you going to kill me then?" I asked. "Are you going to murder your own daughter?"

He laughed. "Of course not. I would never do that. I need you Sydney."

"For what?" I could feel the tears continue to fall, and I tried to hide them. Everything I had ever known was being ripped out from under me.

"Everything!" He shouted, ecstatically. "You're the key to the plan. The final blow in our epic battle. I would go now. You'll make it out alive. I sent the guards in the opposite direction of your plane."

"Who are you?" I asked. "What happened to my father?"

"I am your father Sydney." He pressed a button, and my exit door opened. "And I'll be so proud of my little girl when she becomes President." One last wicked smile crossed his lips. "Go now, before they come back." He pressed a few buttons on the screen and another door popped open. Vanessa stumbled out and clung on to me. She had been hit a few times, but she looked ok.

I just stood there for a moment, frozen in place. Vanessa finally came back to herself and tugged on my arm, but I couldn't take my eyes off of forced me out the door, and I followed her blindly through the corridors. "Sydney," her voice sounded muted and distant. "Sydney I don't know where we're going." It was like I was hearing her, but I couldn't process the information. Her lips were moving, but I didn't understand the jumbled noise coming out of them. She shook my shoulders hard and yelled. "Sydney! Snap out of it!"

I shook my head and looked at my radar. The blinking blue light was still there. I pointed forward, and we headed out of the building. Just like he said, there were no guards here. I saw another security vehicle like the one Gunner had taken to my left, the keys still in the ignition. I wiped away tears as I started the car and Vanessa got into the passenger seat.

"You came back for me." She sounded so shocked. "You were all gone, but you came back to save me. Why?"

I didn't want to deal with her questions. I didn't want to talk to her or anyone else. "I just did. That's what teammates do." There was nothing else to say.

She sat back in her seat as the car hummed to life and we drove towards the plane. I signaled Finnick that we were coming and to wait for us, and hoped he got the message. "Who was that man in the room? The one who captured me."

So she hadn't heard the conversation. That was good. No one could know this. "I don't know."

"Why didn't he kill us?" She asked. So many questions.

"I don't know. He was defenseless and I had a rifle. He knew he couldn't beat us." I got the green recognition light from Finnick, and wanted to feel relieved, but all I felt was pain and betrayal. My chest was tight and I felt like I couldn't breath.

"You saved my life." She said.

"Don't make me regret it." I turned to her and stared into her eyes. "I'm going to regret so many things Vanessa. I'm going to question so many things. Don't let me question this."

She nodded and put her hand on my shoulder. "Are you ok?" She seemed genuinely concerned.

I thought about Gale being safe and the mission being successful. I thought about finally being able to sleep and being peaceful. I should be ok, but then I thought about my father and the downfall of Panem. I knew what I had to do when I got back, and Vanessa would be important to that. All in all, I didn't know how to feel. I felt numb, like my body was just floating in place and I was watching it from the back seat. "I…I don't know." I answered truthfully. "I really just don't know."


	8. Chapter 8

Note: Prepare yourselves. This is where it gets very M rated. HordeFighter, if you're reading this, you asked for it.

Gale's POV

I thought death would be more painful, but I guess after the torture I had been through, it was more of a relief. The surprise came when there was no white light, no heaven, no hell. There was nothing. I didn't open my eyes and see all of my dead friends and relatives. I wasn't reunited with a past life or reincarnated into another person. I didn't think death would feel so…empty.

Then I got the urge. The urge to stop floating around in empty space and open my eyes. I tried to ignore it at first. Some small, yet significant part of me wanted to stay in this nothingness. I knew I couldn't float forever. Opening my eyes had to mean something. Why else would I want to do it? _Fight it Gale._ I told myself. _Open your eyes and find out what death was really like. _So I did.

That's when I saw the bright white light, but it was different than I imagined. I blinked a few times, and the light dimmed as my eyes adjusted to the world around me. I wasn't floating on a cloud. I was staring at a ceiling that was painted white, washed out by a small ceiling light above my head. The longer I held my eyes open, the dimmer and dimmer the light became, until I realized that it was almost nonexistent. The room around me was dark, like when you turn off the lights to go to sleep.

I lifted up my hand and held it out in front of my face. An IV needle was attached to the back of it, and in that moment I realized that I was far from dead. Somehow, someway, I had survived. I put my hand down and tried to push myself up, but gasped at the searing pain that shot up my back and side. Then I remembered the torture, the whippings, the beatings, the water boarding. I remembered being stabbed and shot with rubber bullets. I lifted back the hospital knightgown, and groaned when I saw the series of purple and yellow bruises that covered my torso.

Letting myself fall back down and sink into the soft pillows behind me seemed like the easiest choice, but I forced myself to continue to sit up. I needed to know where I was. If it was a friendly place, I could call out for help. If they were healing me to begin another round of torture, I should go back to playing dead. When I lifted my head up and surveyed the room, I was shocked, grateful, and ecstatic to see the one person I wanted to sitting in a chair across the room.

She was slumped back against the large, cushioned chair, with her head resting on a pillow and her feet propped up against an ottoman. Her eyes were closed, but I could see a small cut on her left cheek, and a bandage covering her right wrist. Sydney Harper was just as beautiful and incredible as I had remembered, and my heart flooded with relief at being back here with her. This was real. I was safe and with Sydney. Somehow I had gotten back to Panem. Somehow I had been rescued from hell.

I couldn't ignore the pain racking my body for much longer. I looked to the side of the bed and pressed the nurse call button. I hoped she wouldn't make much noise, because I knew Sydney needed all the sleep she could get. It was the only time she looked peaceful, and the only time she didn't have to worry about saving someone or something.

"You're awake." The nurse said softly. She looked at Sydney cautiously and smiled, walking over to my IV drip and pressing a few buttons on a large computer screen. "So how badly does it hurt?" She asked sarcastically, a smile showing the deep crinkles in her ebony face.

I tried to laugh back, but had to stop short. "On a scale of 1-10?" My voice was hoarse from lack of use, and I sounded more pathetic than I felt. "Probably a twenty. And that's a low ball estimate." She frowned and punched in a few more numbers. The machine gave a small hum, and the IV fluid seemed to change.

"I gave you a larger dose of painkiller, but made sure to put some adrenaline and natural enhancements in there as well. You've been asleep for a long time, and I know a lot of people who want to see you, so you should be awake for at least a little while." She helped hold me up while she adjusted my bed so I could lean back while still sitting upright. I looked toward Sydney again, checking to see if she had woken up. "Don't worry," the nurse said, sensing my apprehension, "she's a light sleeper, but I snuck her a little sleep pill when she ate. She hasn't left this hospital since you've gotten back, and she hasn't slept at all for at least three days. It's inhuman." She must have sensed my concern because she laughed. "She needed the sleep, honey. She'll wake up soon enough."

I knew she was right, and I was glad Sydney was getting a little peace and quiet. "She's been here the whole time?" I wasn't sure what to make of it. We had left on shaky ground, and I wasn't sure of how Sydney felt about me. It had all seemed so up in the air, but here she was, devotedly by my side.

"The whole time? Sweetie, she's the one who saved your life." My eyes widened. "Your girlfriend really loves you."

"She's not…It's not like that. We're friends." Despite my best efforts, I wanted to add, but I held my tongue.

The nurse rolled her eyes and patted my shoulder. "Of course its not." She said sarcastically. "But I'll tell you one thing, your other friends are here, and none of them have been as worried as this one." She pointed towards Sydney. "Day and night she sat beside you. She talked to you like you could hear her, and I heard her say some things that weren't just friendly." I started to ask her specifics, but she held up her hand. "That's between you and your friend, but from what I've seen, if that's not love, I don't know what is."

She turned and started to walk out of the room. "I'll get you some food. You've got to be starving." I realized that I was, and thanked her. I exhaled and moved my limbs one by one, making sure I wasn't paralyzed. I'm sure part of the serum they were injecting in my body was that magical juice that amplified your natural healing capabilities ten fold. I had definitely had broken bones when I left Extasia, but now they were all healed. Only the bruises and the scars remained, and in due time, those would be gone too.

I stared at Sydney and thought about how her face was the only thing that had gotten me through those hours of torture. Coming home to her was the only thing that mattered to me, and it gave me the strength to survive. What the nurse had said had struck me as odd, but she wouldn't lie about something like that. So Sydney had feelings for me? Or not? It was all so confusing, like a giant puzzle. It seemed like that's what the female brain was, a giant puzzle that we were forced to find our way through, and the only way to happiness was to figure out the way how to unravel the mystery. Maybe I would never figure it out. It had been the same way with Katniss, so confusing and frustrating. I let out a soft sigh and closed my eyes, but couldn't suppress the smile that spread across my lips. I was going to win Sydney over this time. There was no way I was going to let her go. I wouldn't let this slip past me like I had let Katniss go. Sydney was different.

"You're awake!" I heard a familiar voice ring out from the doorway. Speak of the devil. My eyes shot open and I smiled at her.

"I just woke up about five minutes ago. The nurse said she was getting food…"

"O I got it. Don't you fret." She pushed past Katniss and into the room, setting the tray down in front of me. "I also got you some more things." Peeta and Finnick walked in behind Katniss, and I let my smile widen.

Katniss hugged me first, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing my cheek. "I'm so glad you're ok." She said softly.

"Were you guys there? Were you on the mission? I hate that you all had to risk your lives for me." I asked her as Peeta shook my hand and gave me a hug. They exchanged a glance.

"No, we weren't." Peeta answered. "We've got—"

"I was." Finnick interrupted, smacking my shoulder and bringing me in for a hug. I winced lightly but laughed it off. "I carried your ass through hell and back."

"Well I couldn't be more thankful for that." I said, lifting my arm and trying to punch him back. The pain was slowly disappearing, and that gave me more energy. "So what were you saying Peeta?" I would've thought Sydney would recruit Katniss and Peeta to go on any mission, especially this one, but I could be wrong.

Peeta scratched the back of his head and smiled. "I'm pregnant Gale." Katniss said with a matching smile. I took a moment and let it sink in, then laughed loudly.

"That's incredible!" I answered. "Congratulations you two. I'm excited to see this." Katniss frowned at me, but Peeta put his arm around her. "I'm joking. You'll make great parents. How long has it been?" I felt a strange pang of jealousy for what Katniss and Peeta had deep down in my stomach, but I forced it away. Give it time. Katniss' words rang in my head.

"About three months now." Katniss said enthusiastically. "Sydney came to twelve and was going to ask us to help, but as soon as she found out she backed off. Just know if it was any other time, we would be the first two to volunteer." Peeta nodded in agreement.

"I know that." I hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to word my question. "She saved me then. You saved me." I turned to Finnick. "How?"

"Well it really was all Sydney. She found out you were captured, and it took her all of five seconds to volunteer to go over there and pull you out." He shook his head. "It's amazing what she does under pressure, or when she's determined enough. We didn't know anything about the terrain or the prison or the guards or anything. Sydney designed the plan on the move, and we snuck into the building and surprised your tormentors. Sydney shot them and we got you out."

"Who else was there?" I asked. "It couldn't have been just the two of you."

"I'm pretty sure Harper could have done it herself." He snorted. "But no. There were five of us. Sydney, myself, two guys named Gunner and Mouth, and Vanessa."

"Kane?" That was shocking.

"Yeah. Her brother wanted her there."

"Well where are these guys? I need to thank them." Finnick looked at the ground.

"Gunner and Vanessa are around. I'm sure you'll be able to thank them, but Mouth…" His voice got quiet. "Mouth didn't make it. He fought off some guards that were trying to take down Sydney and I when we were carrying you. He sacrificed himself."

I clenched my fists. So someone had died for me. That shouldn't have happened. They should have just let me die in that prison. I hadn't talked or anything. I would have happily died for the cause there, but instead, a brave soldier had lost his life. "Don't feel bad, Gale." Finnick seemed to read my mind. "There's no use in that. Besides, Sydney feels bad enough for all of us. She was really-"

Something stirred in the background, and Sydney sat up from her chair. She stirred slowly, rubbing her eyes and taking in deep breaths. She looked up and blinked, trying to clear the sleep from her system. The sight of Katniss, Peeta and Finnick must have confused her, and her eyes shifted to my bed, where they widened when she saw I was awake. A look of what I assumed to be relief washed over her face, followed by a smile. "You're awake." She said softly.

Not knowing how to respond, I nodded and laughed. "Apparently." We didn't break our gaze, but it was like words weren't necessary. There was an unspoken consensus that we were happy just to look at each other.

"Well…" Finnick said, breaking the silence. "I've got to go brush my hair. So…I'll see you guys later. I'm glad you're awake, man." He turned and left the hospital room, a knowing smirk spread across his face.

I looked at Katniss and Peeta. I was happy they were here, but at the same time I wanted to be alone with Sydney. Peeta cleared his throat and Katniss broke her intense stare that kept shifting between Sydney and I. "Don't we have a doctor's appointment to get to Kat?"

"At three…" Peeta raised his eyebrows. "Wow, look at the time!" Katniss exclaimed. "It's almost three. We should probably go. It's a uh…long walk. We'll come back for dinner." Peeta grabbed her arm and dragged her out. "Bye!"

My eyes wandered to the clock across from the bed. "It's one thirty." Sydney said before I could read the time. I looked back at her and she laughed, rolling her eyes. The silence returned, but this time it was more awkward. She bit her lip and stared at the floor. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Sorry?" Confusion spread into my voice. "For what? You saved my life."

"It was my fault you were there in the first place." Her voice was filled with sadness, and I wanted to comfort her.

"I'm the one who volunteered for this mission. I knew how dangerous it was, but at the time it didn't seem to matter."

"And why was that?" Her head snapped up and she stared at me with those eyes. Those eyes that could rip into my soul and tear apart every barrier I tried to put up. "Why didn't you care about living or dying?"

I was quiet for a moment. I knew the answer, but I didn't want her to take it the wrong way. She would blame herself. "I don't know. I just…I lost the will to live. Half of me wanted to die on that mission."

"So you see it?" She raised her voice a little, the sadness turning to anger. "You see how it's my fault?"

"It's not your fault Sydney, don't blame yourself. It was my stupid choice. I shouldn't have given up so easily—"

"No." She yelled, standing up. This wasn't how I wanted this to go. How I wanted our first conversation to go. It should be all hugs and smiles and tears of joy, but there was something wrong. "If I had just said…if I had just…"

"What is it Sydney?" I felt the anger rising in my throat. Why did this girl make me so insane? "For once just be straight forward with me. You'll tell me about the downfall of the universe and how we're all doomed, but you won't tell me how you feel or what you're thinking? So what is it? What could you have done?"

"If I had just told you the truth. If I had just told you I loved you and I didn't want you to leave and I couldn't live my life without you, then I know you would've stayed. There would've been no torture, no beatings. But I didn't. I was too afraid to tell you how I felt." I just stared at her in shock.

"What did you just say?"

"I love you, Gale. More than anything. I should have said it before you left, but I didn't, and I'm so sorry." A tear rolled down her cheek. "I'm so sorry." She walked out the door and down the hallway.

I tried to stand up out of bed, but felt the pain in my side. The IV strained against the back of my hand. "Wait! Sydney!" The nurse rushed into the room and pushed me back down gently.

"Sit." I struggled against her. "You have to sit." I gave a frustrated sigh and leaned back against the wall. I saw her change the fluid in my IV again. "The doctor approved a fast track treatment for your pain. It'll only take a few hours and you'll be all healed up. The bruises are the last thing to go." I thanked her. I wanted to heal more than anything. I had to get up and go find Sydney. I wouldn't let this get away from me.

Sydney's POV

I went straight to the general's council. Seeing Gale again didn't go as I had planned, and I wanted to get all the painful things out of the way at once. When I got there, everyone was seated just as they should be, and I felt a pang of guilt when I saw Kane smirking with his foot up on his leg, arms crossed behind his head. What I was about to do was basically admitting defeat, and it killed me to do it.

"Sydney!" Haymitch said happily. "I'm glad you made it out alive. I heard it was a very heroic rescue."

"Yes." Kane answered cooly. "Thank you for saving my sister's life. I owe you one."

_You're about to owe me more than that. _I thought. "I came here because I have an announcement." I swallowed hard, trying to gather up the courage. "I'm dropping out of the race." The council looked amongst themselves, confused by my sudden change of pace, but I knew ever since the meeting with my father that this needed to be done.

He said I was the key, and this was how. If I won the race, he would reveal to everyone that their new president was in fact the daughter of their greatest enemy. He would fabricate some lie about me being his right hand woman, and the nation would be thrown into chaos. That would be our weakest point. I didn't want Kane to rule Panem, but I didn't have a choice. For the good of the world, I had to step aside.

"What?" I saw Kane smirk as Haymitch spoke. Stone frowned.

I hadn't thought up a good excuse, so I said the only thing I could think of that would still retain my merit. "I need to be more involved with the military. That's what I'm good at. This mission made me realize that. Kane," I had to choke it out, "Kane is more fit for politics."

I could tell they had mixed reactions. Some seemed overjoyed that their champion was about to win by default, others seemed dismayed that I would let this former Capitol citizen beat me so easily. "I'll still be on the council, I just can't be the president. Give me charge of military operations or combat training. Give me a squad.

"I good decision I think." Kane spoke up. "You're an amazing tactical mind, and we'll have great use for you on the battlefield. There's no use for such honest people in politics." He chuckled a little and I glared at him. He had no idea just how…honest…I could be.

But I pretended to agree. I nodded my head begrudgingly. "I'll make the announcement official tomorrow." They caught me up on the new happenings in the war, but there wasn't much to tell. I told them about my experience in Extasia, but I had already done most of that in my debriefing shortly after we arrived. We said our goodbyes and I headed back to my room. It felt like I had been in the general's room for days, but it had only been a few hours. The weight of everything that had happened to me over the past few days fell on my shoulders. My father was an evil mastermind. A criminal and an enemy to the state. And he was alive.

I hadn't told anyone about it. Katniss had sensed something was wrong, but when she pressed I shook it off as Gale being hurt. Now that he was awake and would probably be all healed very soon, I didn't have an excuse. I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell anyone. This had to be my dirty little secret, my burden to bear.

I walked around thirteen for a long time, avoiding the hospital and the guest rooms where Katniss and Peeta were staying. I didn't want to see anyone right now. What I had admitted to Gale came back to me, and I groaned. What would he say to that? I had rejected him so many times, only to tell him that I loved him after he almost died. But I had to tell him. It was how I felt. Hiding it from him was pointless, and I knew that he was all I wanted. If I only had a few months to live, I wanted to spend them with Gale. Telling him all this was a different story. It had taken me this long just to choke out an I love you.

After wandering about the district until after midnight, I decided it was time to head back to my compartment. I barely slept without nightmares of my father and the games, but it was always worth a try. It wasn't like I had anything else to do. I got back relatively quickly and noticed the door was ajar. I opened it cautiously and peaked in, wondering who had managed to break in. Someone who knew my code obviously, because there was no damage to the hinges or the lock. "Hello?" I called out, walking around the kitchen and to the living room.

There he was, sitting on the couch, elbows on his knees. "Gale, you scared me." I breathed out a sigh of relief. "I thought someone broke in." He didn't answer, he just stared at me with his deep brown eyes. It was an intense stare. It had meaning and thought and fire. He stood up from the couch and walked towards me, still not speaking. "Are you ok?" I asked.

"Did you mean it?" He said softly, his voice filled with the same intensity as his gaze.

I knew what he meant. I looked at him, then at the ground, then back at him. It was time to stop being such a coward. "Yes." I could feel the strength in my own voice. The passion. "I meant every word." He clenched his jaw and it looked like his eyes were about to catch fire. "I love you Gale." I felt my heart beating in my chest. "And I have no idea what to do about it."

"I do." He answered, closing the gap between us. His lips crashed into mine, his hands wrapping around my back. Once the surprise wore off, I sunk into him and ran my hands up his chest and through his hair, pushing my tongue lightly against his. Suddenly everything in the world disappeared. There was no right and wrong, no problems or struggles, it was only Gale and I. No questions, no reassurances, no second-guessing it. He didn't have to ask if it was ok, if I was sure.

He slammed me back against a wall, his lips never leaving mine. I felt his hands against my bare skin as he ran them under my shirt and across my hips and back. I loved the aggression, the passion. It drove me insane. I pulled his shirt off over his head and took a second to take in his bare chest. He didn't stop for a moment, his lips falling to my neck. I stripped my own shirt off, silently begging for him to kiss me more, to kiss me everywhere. He stopped for a second and stared at me shirtless. "Try not to be so amazed." I teased cockily.

"You look…you're...incredible." His words were breathless and fervent, and I laughed. He groaned and his lips returned to my body, making they're way to my chest and stomach, then back up to my neck and collarbone. I stopped thinking and let my body take over, leaning my head back against the wall and moaning softly. I could feel his smile against my skin, and I raked my nails down his back.

Grabbing his hand, I lead him into my bedroom, my hands never leaving his. We didn't stop for a second, furiously tearing at each other's clothes. I had never felt this intense, burning passion before, and I loved it. It was instinctual and hungry, obsessive and fierce, like some burning desire to get something you thought you would never have.

Our bodies crashed together and our tongues twisted around each other. I couldn't get enough of his lips and his skin and his touch. His hands moved down to my pants and quickly unbuttoned them, letting them fall to the floor. His followed suit, and before I knew it he was on top of me on my bed, his hips pushing against mine, grinding against me in perfect rhythm. His hands skillfully unhooked my bra, and for a second I wondered if he had been here before. We had never talked about it, never discussed our past relationships, physical or otherwise. Then his fingers slipped underneath my panties and inside of me, and any other thoughts I had were ripped from my mind.

I forced my lips back against his to muffle the moans coming from throat. He grinned wickedly at me, and I pushed back, rubbing my hand against his erection, smiling as he collapsed against me and groaned. "Sydney." My name was muffled against my chest. His hips grinded against the movement of my hand faster and faster until he moved away. I looked at him, confused. Was he really stopping me now? I opened my mouth, but was silenced with a powerful, fiery kiss. This was about to happen.

I moved my hands down to unhook his underwear and slipped them off, my eyes drinking in his perfectly chiseled chest and abs. "Try not to be so amazed." He joked, echoing my confidence. I shut him up with a kiss, pulling him back down on top of me. He hooked his fingers around my panties and pulled them off, throwing them across the room. I had always pictured an awkwardness, a strange hesitation that would precede sex, but there wasn't any. He looked into my eyes and pushed into me.

I felt a sharp pain at first, but Gale moaned and his eyes rolled back in his head. He seemed to sense my pain, so he pulled out slowly, then pushed back in. Eventually the pain stopped, and I felt this all-consuming pleasure come over my body. It was like someone had set my heart on fire, and I could feel it beating out of my chest. I pushed my hips back against his, and begged for him to go faster. He increased his pace even more, but I wanted control. I rolled him over and got on top of him, slowly lowering myself down against him. His head arched back and he moaned my name again this time louder. I took this as encouragement, and resumed the fevered pace.

The longer it went on, the more the warm feelings spread through my body. I felt myself approaching some barrier, and grinded against him faster and faster, raising and lowering myself onto him as my lips crashed into his. The world turned upside down as he rolled me back over and I raked my fingers down his back, trying to convey what I was feeling. The faster he moved the more rapidly it came over me, until finally I felt my muscles contract, and all of my nerves stand on end. Gale pulled out of me and shuddered, but I couldn't focus on anything but this amazing warm feeling spreading through my body.

He rolled off of me and laid on his back, covering his eyes with his forearm. I watched his chest heave up and down from his labored breathing, but I couldn't help notice the broad smile on his lips. I leaned over and kissed him, pressing one hand lightly on his chest. "So I think I told you that I loved you." I smirked into his lips, pulling back and staring into his now-uncovered eyes.

"Yes you were." He reached his hand up and cupped my cheek. "And I love you too. More than you will ever know."


	9. Chapter 9

Sydney's POV

I didn't dream at all that night. I slept better than I ever had before, and for the first time in a long time, I didn't wake up screaming or sweating or scared. Even if I had he was there for me, and that made me feel so much better. Laying next to Gale on my soft featherbed was the definition of peace, and in this insane, war-filled, doomed world we lived in, that feeling was rare. I forgot about my father and my responsibilities and everything else in my life. The sex helped with that, but it wasn't just that. It was being with him. It was knowing that one thing in my life was under control. That one thing in my life was actually good, and was going to work out for me come tomorrow.

I was pulled out of my pure, black sleep by a pounding on the door, and an all too familiar voice. "Harper!" It was just angry enough to wake me up, but just concerned enough to get me to answer. My eyes opened slowly, trying to blink away the first good, non drug induced sleep I had gotten in days. I looked to my left and Gale was still there, sleeping soundly with a smile on his face. So it was real. I breathed out slowly and allowed myself to smile. How did the endless pounding on the door not wake him up? "Harper wake up!" I heard her yell again. Still no movement from Gale.

I sighed and rolled out of bed. A few more knocks on the door made me grunt in frustration. One thing Katniss Everdeen did not have was patience. _Mellark_. I thought with a smirk. _Katniss Mellark._ I rushed to the door and opened it hastily, rubbing my eyes again. "What do you want?" I whisper-yelled. "What is it like six a.m.?"

She just stared at me, her eyes moving up and down my body. "It's actually almost noon." She cleared her throat. "Have uh…have you seen Gale?" The look on her face was odd, and I tried to figure out what she thinking.

"No." I said quickly. "I have not seen Gale."

"Are you sure?" She looked up and down me again. The disorientation of sleep had stopped me from looking in a mirror, and I dropped my eyes down. I realized that I was wearing Gale's shirt. I didn't remember that, but I guess I got cold.

Figuring out a way to not get caught in this lie and still maintain a shred of privacy and dignity, I looked at the ceiling to find an excuse. "What is going on?" I heard a voice behind me and shut my eyes. I tried to contain laughter. I didn't feel embarrassed, but I knew how uncomfortable this was going to make Katniss, and I reveled in it.

"I was just…looking for you." She stammered. "You just left the hospital and the doctors had no idea where you were. They uh…sent us all to look for you." I could see her eyes avoiding Gale, dressed only in boxers. "They said to bring you back, and it looks like I found you." Katniss shook her head and laughed nervously. "Just come down when you're ready. He needs to see you."

"Thanks Katniss." I said slyly. "We'll be sure to do that." I reached over and closed the door as she said an awkward goodbye.

As soon as the door was closed I turned to Gale and leaned against it, letting out the laughter I had tried to hold in. He chuckled lightly. "Can you imagine what's running through her mind right now?" I choked out in between the laughs.

"Probably the truth." He said, chuckling.

I straightened up and took deep breaths. "You ran away from the hospital?'

He reached his hand up and scratched behind his head. "Uh…sort of. They said I was almost healed, I just needed to be kept for some tests. That medicine works wonders, you know? When I woke up I could barely sit up, and now…well…I can definitely sit up. I needed to see you. So I did, and it worked out well for me."

I nodded my head. "Yeah, I would say so." He walked over to me and put his hand on the wall next to me, leaning in and planting a deep kiss on my lips. It was softer and gentler than last night, but it still felt just as good. I felt myself wanting more, and I pushed into him, wrapping my hands around his lower back and pulling him in.

"They need me at the doctor's…" He gave me a look of fake concern. "I should probably leave." I kissed his cheek, then his neck, then his chest. "But I'm sure you could convince me other wise. I slipped out from beneath his arm and walked down the hallway, pulling his shirt over my head and tossing it carelessly into the living room where he could see it. I heard footsteps running behind me and I was lifted onto my feet. "You do a good job with that." I flashed him a sexy smile as he set me down on the bed, and pulled him down on top of me without answering. I was sick of talking, there would be so much time for that.

Eventually we got up and showered, delaying our trip to the hospital even more in there, and finally scrambling out of the apartment. We got to the entrance of the hospital and I turned to say goodbye, but Gale pulled on my hand. "Come with me?" He said genuinely, his eyes shining. I didn't want to leave him. I didn't want the anxiety to return, so I followed him through the swining doors with a kiss on the cheek.

Gale was immediately ushered in to see the doctor, and I sat on a chair in the room, reading a pamphlet and scanning through some articles on a touch screen to my left. The doctor came in and frowned with Gale. "I see you've come back to us." He said, his brow knit.

"I felt better." Gale shrugged. "You said I would be able to leave soon."

"I needed to clear you first." He sighed and rubbed his temples. "You seem ok, but I'd like to do some tests, hospital protocol." His eyes shifted to me, and I stood up from my chair.

"I'll just go then." I shot Gale a sarcastic look, rolling my eyes at the doctor. "I should probably clear things up for Katniss anyway. Meet me in the cafeteria for lunch." He nodded softly, not taking his eyes off of me. I winked at him and walked out of the room, heading towards Katniss and Peeta's temporary compartment.

As I walked through the halls, I realized for the first time how sore I was. It wasn't just last night, it was the past few days. I hadn't really recovered from the mission, considering I was up for almost seventy two hours because I couldn't sleep with Gale injured. Add that to the stress of learning my father was my biggest enemy, and the soreness from my activities with Gale, and I could barely walk. For a few hours, I had let go of all my problems, but now that I was alone they were back. I rubbed my eyes carelessly and got lost a few times on the way to the temporary compartments, laughing prematurely at how great the look on Katniss' face was going to be.

When I finally got there and went to buzz into their room, the attendant told me they had gone to the cafeteria to eat with Finnick. I groaned and thanked him, doing a one eighty and heading for the elevators. At least that's where I was supposed to meet Gale, so I could sit down and rest for a while. That was what I needed. Rest.

I went through the line and got my food. It had improved ten fold since the days of the rebellion, and my plate was covered with colorful vegetables and juicy chicken, along with soup and bread. I hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon, so I looked at the food ravenously, then quickly looked up to locate my friends in the confusion of the long cafeteria tables. I saw them sitting there, laughing and talking, and a temporary panic set over me. The reality of what was to come hit me, and I knew I had a choice to make. A choice between pushing them away and saving myself the pain or embracing my loved ones and enjoying my last few months. I glanced at an empty table to my left and shook my head, making my way to Katniss, Peeta and Finnick. If I only had a few months left, I was going to live them.

"Hey guys," I said happily, sitting down next to Finnick directly across from Katniss. She narrowed her eyes at me as I tore apart the bread in front of me. I gave her a knowing smirk and took a satisfactory bite. "What's going on?"

Peeta smiled at me and chuckled. "Not much, Syd. How's your day been so far?"

I thought for a second. "Short." I answered, followed by a wicked grin. That made him laugh, and Katniss looked at him darkly. "Sorry about earlier, Kat." I addressed her, "I had a long night."

"You're such a jerk." She shook her head at me and the table burst into a fit of laughter. The embarrassment had been a lot for her, but now she just laughed it off begrudgingly. I reached across the table and patted her shoulder. In perfect timing Gale walked in and noticed us, walking quickly towards us and sitting down next to me.

"Hey guys." He set his tray down and pulled out his chair. Before his butt even hit the chair he turned to Katniss. "Did you have a nice morning?"

That caused more laughter, and Katniss let out an exasperated sigh. "Do you people have no shame?" We all continued our meal happily, joking about our times on the squad and how everyone was doing now. When we were done eating, Gale rested his arm behind me on the chair and I smiled. I wasn't sure what we were exactly, but I loved how natural it felt.

"Well we should get going." Peeta said finally, taking Katniss' hand. "You're probably tired, and we need to get back to twelve." He gave her a loving look and she rolled her eyes playfully.

"I'm having a baby, Peeta, I'm not actually one." She kissed his cheek knowingly.

"I just want to make sure everythings ok and you're getting plenty of rest and—"

She put a finger over his lips. "I'm fine, but I love the concern." I watched their interactions and the way they talked about this soon to be child, and I knew they were going to be just fine. The budding romance I had with Gale made me that much more excited, because I finally understood all that stuff Katniss talked about when she said she was in love.

"You're going to be amazing parents." I interjected. They both looked at me. Gale and Finnick agreed, and we got up from our table and deposited our trash. The group decided to go together to the train station to say goodbye to Katniss and Peeta. I held onto Katniss tightly as we were saying our goodbyes. "Take care of yourself." I whispered in her ear. "And please stay safe."

"I'll be fine Sydney." She pulled away and put her hands on my shoulders. "Relax and live a little for me? God knows only one of us can do it right now." She winked at me and smirked at Gale. He looked up from his conversation with Peeta, confused, and awkwardly waved at her. I felt myself blush. "Really though," she turned back to me, "enjoy it. There's nothing else like being in love, Syd. And you and Gale deserve it."

They boarded the train and took off. As I watched them disappear, I got a strange feeling in my stomach. A foreboding thought that I couldn't shake, but I forced it down. There would come a time when I would have to worry, but there was nothing I could do now but wait for it to come. When I went to leave the station, hand in hand with Gale, I ran into Haymitch.

"You've got an announcement to make, kiddo." Gale raised his eyebrows.

"That's right," I answered, "my conceding speech."

"You're dropping out of the race?" Gale seemed angry. "Why? You can't let Kane be president, that guys an ass."

I considered telling him, I really did, but I couldn't. I gave him the same lame excuse I had given the council, and he seemed to buy it. This burden was mine to carry. It wasn't that I didn't trust Gale, it was just that I couldn't admit it to myself. Telling someone else would make it too real, so I followed Haymitch to the filming station and station and stood up on a podium, announcing to the world that I was too much of a coward to oppose Kane.

When I was finished, Haymitch thanked me and wished me luck. This ranked up high on my list of worst moments of my life, and I felt ashamed, but I tried to keep my head held high. Gale and I walked back to my compartment in silence. I didn't realize how much time had passed between saying goodbye to Katniss and Peeta and going to the station to record my concession speech. The clocks in the hallways read ten o'clock, and I felt the familiar exhaustion creep into my bones.

My compartment door stood before us like some unspeakable barrier. I wanted to invite Gale in. I wanted him to stay the night and never leave in the morning, but I didn't know how he felt about that. We had moved at lightning speed last night, and we never got the chance to talk about where we stood. I let go of his hand to open the door and hesitated, chewing on my lip. If I let him go, the nightmares would come back. If I let him go, I had to deal with things again. "Stay with me?" It was more of a pleading statement than a question, but I didn't want him to see how desperate I was for companionship. For his companionship.

A soft smile spread across his face. "I thought you would never ask." I grabbed his hand and smiled, pulling him through the door. As soon as we were alone again, I felt an insatiable desire to repeat what had happened last night. Gale put his hands in his pockets. "Listen, Syd," I tried to focus on what he was saying, "I know somethings up with you, and if you want to talk about it, I want you to know that—" I reached up and pulled his head towards mine, kissing him as hard as I could, trying to convey how much I wanted him.

Pulling away, I opened my eyes and stared at his lips. "Talking isn't really what I want to do right now." I flicked my eyes up to meet his and smiled, taking his hand and leading him to my bedroom.

I took my shirt off over my head and threw it to the side. Gale's followed and he was on top of me, kissing my neck and chest and jaw. This is what I wanted. To lose myself in him. In this. It was an amazing feeling, and as soon as I felt the fire flowing through my veins, I new this was where I belonged. As I was unbuttoning his pants, I heard the worst sound, the phone ringing. He stopped kissing me and waited for a second, checking to see if it was real. When I heard it ring again, I groaned and he rolled off of me.

"You should answer it." He said, stroking my hair. I sighed and rolled my eyes. I tried to kiss him again, but he held his hand up to my chest. I let the answering machine pick it up and Commander Jacob's voice was on the other line. "It could be important. Trust me when I say this as there is nothing I want more than to continue what we were just doing."

I groaned and stood up, quickly making my way to the phone as Jacob's said, "Harper. Pick up. I need to speak with you immediately about—"

"Hello?" I interrupted, surprised that my voice came out normally. "What do you need Commander?"

"You, Sydney. In the command room. In five minutes. It's time for your next assignment. Now that you're not a presidential candidate anymore, it's time you get off your ass and start putting those academy skills to work." I could hear the snarl in his voice and knew I couldn't ignore him.

"I'll be there—" I started to answer, but he had already hung up. I walked back into the bedroom and slowly started putting my pants and shirt back on, grumbling to myself.

"You have to leave?" Gale asked, disappointed.

"Duty calls." I answered sarcastically. "And it sucks." He got up from the bed and walked over, kissing my forehead.

"I'll be here when you get back." He kissed my cheek again, then my jaw. "And then no more interruptions. I don't care if the world is on fire. No one is going to tear you away from me."

I wanted to stay here, but I knew I had to go. I was glad he was staying. It made me happy to think that maybe Gale would be here every night when I went to sleep, and that he would be the first thing I saw every morning when I woke up.

I greeted the Commander angrily as I walked through the door. "Did I interrupt something?" He grinned. Staying mad at Commander Jacobs was impossible, because I saw him as such a father figure. "So, I bet you're eagerly awaiting your next task."

"I'm on the edge of my seat. It keeps me up at night." I answered dryly.

"You're about to be assigned to the most important task in all of Panem." I raised my eyebrows curiously. This was not what I was inspecting. "You're an amazing soldier, Sydney. We all know that. Now we need you to pass your knowledge on to future generations of Sydney Harpers and Gale Hawthornes." He circled the table and pulled up a long list of names and pictures. "We've compiled a list of prospective soldiers. We need you to weed them out, then make the ones you're left with into the strongest soldiers this nation has ever seen."

These "soldiers" couldn't have been older than thirteen or fourteen. "So I'm going to be a babysitter." This made him snarl.

"These kids are the future. They are our hope for survival, for peace, and for an army strong enough to defend ourselves should we need it."

"To be fair, sir," I quipped, "I don't think these kids are going to be ready in a few months when Extasia comes over and wipes us off the map. Don't you think we should be focusing our time and energy into something more appropriate for our current situation?"

"We need people to think everything is normal."

"Everything is not normal!" I yelled. "You need to stop lying to people. You need to stop letting them believe that they're going to be alive for the next summer. We have to be realistic here, Commander, and training soldiers that will be in the hands of our enemies in a few months is not realistic. It's a waste of time."

"This is our only chance of surviving!" He said sternly. "These aren't just kids, Sydney. They're genetic specimen, selected carefully and painstakingly for their chromosomes and DNA patterns. You're going to train them. Discipline them. Turn them into soldiers. Then we're going to let science take it to a level we could never even dream of, and alter their bodies to be stronger, faster, and smarter than any soldier in history."

I looked at him darkly. "And what's the fail rate?" I asked.

"The what?"

"The fail rate, Commander. How many of this kids will die during your experiment?"

He sighed and rubbed his temple. "There's always a chance something will go wrong—"

"No," I walked towards the door and started to open it. "I won't train these kids, then watch them get slaughtered because your scientists are desperate for an answer."

As I was walking out, he yelled, "Isn't that what we all are?" I turned back and glared at him. "Desperate? We need something to hold on to, Harper. Something to hope for. I know you love Panem. I know you love being alive. If we don't do something, those people are going to come over here and eliminate us from existence. These kids are our only hope."

"All hope breeds is more despair, Commander." I shook my head. "Giving people hope just makes the let down that much worse."

"You don't know if we'll be let down."

I thought for a second, my hand gripping the doorknob, knuckles white as sheets. "You think this will work? You think these kids will survive, and save us from certain doom."

"There's only one way to find out." He stood up and handed me a folder titled "Project Black". "You're the only one I trust with this. I trained you. I know you, and I know that you're our only hope, Sydney. You're our only chance for these kids to make it out alive, because they need more than just genetics. They need heart, and they need to care, and I know you can instill that in them. I'm begging you," He put his hand on my shoulder, "Save us."

I hated myself for doing it, but I nodded. He smiled at me thankfully, then his face went back to it's normal, serious self. My stomach churned thinking at what I was about to embark on. "See you at 0600." Jacobs said. "Don't be late."


	10. Chapter 10

As I looked at the crowd of people before me, I knew this was going to be more difficult than Jacob's had led me to believe. This weren't soldiers. They weren't fighters. They were kids. It was like the Hunger Games, except I was President Snow, and they weren't fighting each other, they were fighting much stronger, tougher, older people who wanted nothing more than to utterly destroy them. None of that mattered. This was the prime age for a transformation like this to happen, so we had to deal with what we were given.

Some of them looked pretty fit. I guessed those were the kids from one and two who had possible gone to the training academies that created the careers for the games. It was easy to tell them apart because they had the same air of arrogance that Alexei had. Most of them were just kids from outlying districts who were happy to be included in something. They were weak, and some were still recovering from being underfed for so many years.

I had three months to turn these kids into fighters. They had to have a specific body composition for the experiments to be effective, so I had to get them into weight training and cardio circuits immediately. I also had to train their minds. I had spent years at the academy learning tactics and battle strategy. These kids had to learn it all in a fraction of that time. There were teachers for that thought, thank god, so I just had to make sure they were staying on the right track for their procedure.

"Alright," I cleared my throat and gained immediate attention from the crowd of kids, "Welcome to your new home." I lifted my arms out, gesturing to the quarters they had been given. We were deep underground in one of the training facilities. The dank, grey walls could put you to sleep if you stared at them long enough, and the fluorescent lights gave the entire 100,000 square foot space an eerie glow, but most of these kids were far away from home, so I better make them feel welcome.

"The next few months are going to be a living hell." Honesty is the best policy. "You'll starve, you'll sweat, you'll hurt, you'll want to give up, and you can." I pointed behind me. "There's the door. If you think you can't handle it, feel free to leave, but know that you will be giving up on yourself, your teammates, and this country. My job is to weed you out, to discover who is strong enough to become a soldier, and I plan to do my job to the best of my ability." I could see the cocky grins on the kids from the career districts, and I wanted nothing more than to wipe them off their faces. May as well have a little fun with this.

"My name is Lieutenant Sydney Harper, but we are not on a first name basis. We are not friends. You'll call me Lieutenant, you'll answer me with a ma'am." I pointed to my left. "This is Corporal Hawthorne," then to my right, "And this is Corporal Kane." Nope not the future President. His sister. Jacobs had let me choose my team, and Gale had been an automatic selection. I asked Finnick, but he was busy with his own squad. I considered calling Furman or Johanna, but when Jacobs suggested Vanessa, I took him up on it.

It would be a good idea to keep her close. Maybe I could even win her over and use her to spy on Kane. She owed me one because I saved her life, so I knew she would obey me unconditionally. That was what I needed. Drones who would do exactly as I said. "There are other trainers here," I turned my attention back to the future soldiers, "you will listen to them, or you will answer to me. We will train everyday. You will wake up early, you will work for hours, then you'll go to sleep late. Prepare yourselves now, because this is no joke. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be the greatest soldiers Panem has ever seen."

As I stood up on the podium, I had an odd moment of déjà vu. It felt so familiar, this situation. The kids who looked scared, the ones who looked determined, the ones who looked proud, and the ones who looked cocky. It was all too familiar. It was exactly like the training room before the games, only this time I was the game maker, and they were the tributes. That's what they were after all. Tributes in some sick, experimental hunger games. Only the strongest would survive, but I prayed that we had more than one winner.

"I guess we should get started," I turned to Gale and smirked, and he winked at me slightly. He pulled his whistle up to his lips and blew.

"Get down on the track, five mile run. Follow my lead! Everyone finishes in under forty mintues." He stood in front of the pack and blew his whistle again, and they were off. Today was an evaluation day. It was supposed to be impossible. It was supposed to push them. I needed some baseline to judge these kids off of, as not all of them were in perfect physical shape. They had been selected for their genes, after all, not their looks or physical prowess.

Some tried to get ahead of Gale. They ran fast, but underestimated the distance. By the third mile they began to fall back, and I could see the joy in Gale's face when he put them in their place. I immediately noted the ones who followed directions, who stayed behind Gale. They were the smart ones. Then there were some poor kids who could barely get through the second mile. It was a struggle for them, but the other trainers pushed them and forced them to move on, and they couldn't slow down or walk.

Eventually the ones in the back started to get sick. Some threw up, some nearly fainted, but they never stopped going. There was also one girl, way in the front of the pack, who ran right next to Gale. The obnoxious grin on her face as she ran told me she was going to be difficult. When she rounded the corner to run the fourth mile, she barely seemed winded. I looked down at my sheet and noted her name: Brooke Anderson.

When I gazed back at the crowd of kids, I rolled my eyes. She had started to speed up, taking off ahead of everyone else. Gale had turned the last lap into a full out sprint, and everyone quickly fell behind him, but Brooke was right there next to him, legs moving back and forth like lightning. The clock was ticking down, and they only had about forty five seconds. Gale and Brooke crossed the finish line in the next few seconds, but I knew the rest of them wouldn't make it. A few picked it up and managed to cross, but forty of the fifty kids finished after forty five mintues. We had a long way to go.

Fifty-five minutes passed and they all got across. A young boy fell to his knees and groaned as he threw up everything he had in his stomach. Another girl who looked like she hadn't eaten in weeks was bent over with her hands on her knees. She was one of the ones who had managed to finish, but it looked like it almost killed her. A quick name check told me Autumn Collie was the fighter. I could recognize it almost instantly.

I shook my head, back to business. "Forty five minutes. That's what it was supposed to be." They raised their heads to look at me. "You didn't finish in that time. So I'm going to do you a favor. I'm going to have you run two more, and maybe by the time you're done, you'll realize to listen to my orders next time." Gale blew the whistle again and they groaned as they lined up. I saw Brooke Anderson standing still, arms crossed and a cocky grin on her face.

"I'm sorry Ms. Anderson, are you injured?" I already knew the answer.

"No, I just finished in time, so I'm going to sit this one out."

A grin spread across my face. I was going to enjoy breaking this girl. "Did you see your teammates finish?" I asked.

"Some of them." She answered hesistantly. "But it doesn't really matter. I finished, so I shouldn't have to be punished."

I walked over from where I had been standing and stood right in front of her, staring into her eyes. I could see greed, defiance, and confidence. "You are going to be living with these people for the next five months. You will sleep next to them, eat with them, train with them, and learn with them. If one of you fails, you will all fail. If one of you falls behind, you've all fallen behind. Every punishment will be served by everyone. Every time. So get back on that line, and run the next two miles with your squad."

"But I—" She tried to interrupt.

"When you're in the field, these are the people that will have your back. Do you want them to be weak? Or do you want them to be fighters?" She looked at the ground for a second, then nodded sullenly, passing me on her way to the line. Gale blew his whistle and they started jogging again. I could hear the groans and the complaints, and I knew it was going to be a long couple of months.

It went on like this for a while. We would run, do agility exercises, lift weights, then they would break to learn about combat and strategy. In the afternoon, they would have combat and simulator training in a similar machine to the one that my squad had used. It was interesting and challenging to get them to develop, but it was fun to watch them grow. I could see alliances and friendships forming, and it warmed my heart when they helped each other complete an obstacle course or a challenge in the simulator.

Some of them instantly emerged as leaders. A young boy with sandy blonde hair and sharp green eyes named Chase was one of the strongest fighters, and he always made sure to help his sparring partner learn the moves correctly. Another girl with jet black hair and olive skin quickly stood out as the brain of the group, acing every test the instructors threw at her. To my dismay, Brooke Anderson stood out in my favorite activity: the combat simulator.

I had never seen someone move so naturally through the course. It was like the knew what was coming and could react instantaneously, without a second thought as to whether her actions were right or wrong. Every person was ecstatic to get matched up with her, as it meant less punishment laps for their group when they got done. Every person except for Autumn Collie.

I found out the girl was from the remnants of what had been district twelve. She had been on the run after they bombed the place, and only recently found her way to district thirteen. Her mother and father and little brother had perished on the road out of twelve, and she had been left alone to fight her way out of the wilderness. The same ferocity showed through in her training. She took every task head on, and excelled at most activities, but it was obvious she had to work harder than most people to get good at something. She would often stay after hours and work on combat or run extra laps to try and get stronger. Naturally, this contrasted with Brooke's unbelievable natural talent, and the two quickly became bitter enemies.

Part of me wanted to laugh at them, but another part knew that they had to get along. "They're two amazing talents." I told Gale one night as we discussed the days activities. "If I could get them to cooperate, there would be no limit to what they could do."

He laughed. "Some people just aren't meant to be friends, Syd." He kissed my forehead. "Although I have witnessed a remarkable turn around from enemies to best friends when put under dire circumstances."

I wrinkled my forehead. "So you're saying I should put them in a prison and torture one of them to near death to get them to be friends? That sounds logical."

Gale shrugged. "It worked for you and Katniss."

I thought it over, and Gale had a point. After the first month of training, I decided to put the trainees through their first real test. We were going to fly them into the mountains outside of district twelve and give them a map and a few supplies, and they had to make their way back to a checkpoint where we would pick them up and take them back to thirteen. They had three days to find their way out of the forest, and anyone who didn't make it to the extraction point in the time limit would be eliminated from the program.

It was tough love, but I knew it would work. The trick was that the maps and supplies were split in two and they had to find another competitor and work with them in order to make their way out. I purposely gave Brooke and Autumn opposite sides of the map, and was going to put them near each other to start out with. Hopefully they would figure it out, but I just had to wait.

The night before, I was restless. I worried about my trainees, and I didn't want to lose any of them. I had come to love and respect each one of them, and hoped that they would all make it out in time. God only knew how I would feel when they went in for their experiments. I tried to sleep next to Gale, but I tossed and turned and couldn't keep my eyes shut. I got up and threw on a shirt and a pair of exercise shorts and headed to the trainee gym to work out a little. It always helped with the stress.

I got down to the ground floor and heard the soft thump of hands on a boxing bag. It was almost two o'clock, and I couldn't imagine who would be up at this hour. I made my way past the treadmills to the combat zone, and to my surprise, Autumn Collie was mercilessly punching a bag. She didn't see me approach, and I smiled at the effort she was putting in. "A little late isn't it?" I said, smirking and leaning against a bag to her left.

She whirled around, startled, and shook her head. "I…I was just…I…"

I held up both of my hands. "It's ok. I don't know how good of a decision it is to be up this early when you have your first big test tomorrow, but to each his own I guess. And I really have no room to talk. I'm here too after all."

She laughed nervously. "It just helps with the nerves." Her voice was quiet but strong. This girl had been through so much, and I admired her courage.

"I'll leave you alone." I said, turning towards the treadmills. "But you should get some sleep."

"Lieutenant?" I heard her call from behind me. I turned around and raised my eyebrows. "I was just wondering…do you have any tips? For tomorrow? I don't want special treatment, but any advice would be nice."

I paused for a moment, thinking it over. "I was never really good with the survival stuff. I grew up here after all. I learned everything I knew from Katniss."

"Everdeen?" Her voice perked up and a smile spread across her face. "I forgot you guys were such good friends. You're really lucky."

"You know her?" I asked, surprised.

Autumn shook her head. "No, not really. She was way ahead of me in school, but I always looked up to her. We were both from the seam, and when she won the games…it gave me hope. Hope that I could be better than the seam. That one day I would do something that mattered."

"Well you're in luck." I answered. "You're doing just that. The soldier you become and the work you will do will be unlike anything you've ever seen."

"If I live through tomorrow." She widened her eyes.

I sighed. "I'm trying to think of what Katniss would say. Probably something about finding shelter or making sure you purify water, but that's all stuff you already know." I ran my hand through my hair. "My advice? Take all the help you can get." The subtle hint. "You can't get through this alone." Just then, the door opened and Brooke walked in, noticed us and stopped.

"Sorry, I didn't realize it would be so crowded." She said sarcastically. She raised her hand and saluted me. "Lieutenant. Not giving unfair advantage are you? I want to hear your tips too."

I shook my head. Some part of me hated this girl, while another part simply admired her guts. "I'll tell you the same thing. You can't get through life alone. That goes for both of you. So stop trying to." I turned around and decided to go back to my room. "I'll leave you two alone."

Peeta's POV (_five days later.)_

I rolled over on my side and opened my eyes, my vague, colorful dream fading into the background. I could've painted it if I wanted to, the colors were to real and vivid and incredible, but the scene in front of me when I opened my eyes was so more beautiful, I forgot all about ridiculous colors and the view of the ocean. Katniss was still asleep, her head resting on the pillow next to mine. I watched her chest rise and fall, and felt peace. I was happy we got to feel that. I was happy the hard times hadn't come yet. I could sit here and stare at Katniss forever, and pretend like our imminent doom would never come.

Eventually she woke up, eyes blinking furiously. A smile spread across her beautiful lips as she saw that I was awake, and her dark brown eyes shimmered in the early morning sunlight streaming through our window. Yeah, this was the definition of beauty.

"Good morning." I said, kissing the tip of her nose.

She laughed and yawned. "Good morning to you." She snuggled her head into the space between my neck and chest. "I don't want to get up." She groaned.

"We have to, Kat. There's a lot to do today." She shook her head into my chest furiously. "Yes we do." She shook her head again. "Yes." I reached down and tickled her sides. She was only just beginning to show, and I could tell she was going to maintain her slim figure throughout her pregnancy. The reminder of my future child made me smile even wider, and Katniss giggling sent me over the edge. I had the perfect life.

"Ok, ok." She said, breathlessly. "I'll get up." She rolled out of bed carefully and stood up, headed for the bathroom. I waited until she was done, then showered quickly and ran a comb through my hair. When I was done, I went downstairs and to my surprise, Prim was there cooking breakfast.

They had given her a prosthetic, so she could walk now. She was still weak and burned, but I could see her spirits improving every day. Katniss sat at the table sorting through mail, and Prim smiled at me. "I was thinking eggs." She limped over to the fridge and pulled out orange juice. "It's just a classic." I laughed and sat next to Katniss. Prim was an amazing sister-in-law, and her cooking was excellent.

We talked about Greasy Sae and the happenings around town, and I told them the errands I had to run today. Katniss would normally go with me, but she and Prim had decided to have a sister day and spend the afternoon walking around the village and talking and making cookies or something like that. I was just happy they were excited about it. Katniss worried about Prim constantly, and it was good that they could have a normal day together.

I wolfed down my breakfast and kissed Katniss forehead. They waved me off and I headed into the district center, deciding to stop by Gale's parents first. We talked about how Gale was doing and his new project with Sydney, and I asked when I could drop off some laundry. Then I headed over to eat lunch at Sae's restaurant and ran into Delly. She asked me about my life and Katniss' pregnancy, and I nodded my head politely as she rambled on about her life. Delly had a tendency to talk a lot, and it was nice to not have to answer. I just ate my lunch in silence and enjoyed the noise. I realized I had forgotten my phone at the house, and hoped Katniss didn't need to contact me. My thoughts always went back to her, no matter who else was there.

I waved goodbye to Delly and headed to the market to buy some food. I was talking to the man who ran the fresh vegetable stand when an ambulance whirred by on its way to the hospital. I hated seeing them and always wondered what was happening. It was a weird notion, but I always felt for the families of the injured person, and prayed that they would survive.

I shook my head and waved off the depressing thoughts. I didn't know what was wrong with my brain sometimes. As I turned back to the fruit stand, I saw a man running towards the market. It was the mayor's son, who was the only other inhabitant of the victor's village besides the Everdeens and myself. He looked panicked, and I realized he was yelling out my name. In that instant, everything slowed down, and I got a strange, apprehensive anxiousness. It spread through my body and I shivered. This couldn't be good.

He finally reached me and I went to meet him. He put his hands on his knees and gulped for air. "Mr. Mellark." He gasped out. "Mr. Mellark it's your wife." Panic set into my mind. "Something happened. Something awful. The ambulance came. They went…to the hospital. I don't know—" I would never know the end of his sentence, because I was already off and running towards the hospital.


	11. Chapter 11

Sydney's POV

I had never been prouder than I was standing in front of my trainees. Fifty out of fifty had completed the training exercise in under three days. It was an odd sense of success to watch the smiles on their faces in spite of what they had just gone through. I could tell they were proud of themselves, and that only made me prouder. "Congratulations." I said, smiling widely. "You made it." They patted each other on the back and gave congratulatory high fives. "I don't know how, but you did."

"Because of your amazing training of course." Chase said, winking at me.

"Yeah!" Brooke yelled, taking her hands off her crutches and beginning to clap. The rest of them followed suit, and I held my hands up, trying to shake off the applause. It felt good, but this was more about them. Brooke slipped slightly, but Autumn was there to hold her up. My plan had worked, and the two were now inseperable.

It started shortly after the drop. Brooke had been chased by a grizzly bear and fell over a rock, shattering her ankle and her chances at making it out alone. I had been panicking watching the screen because the bear was on her, but low and behold Autumn had showed up and rescued her, shooting the bear with a small pistol we had given them. She had bandaged up Brookes ankle as best as she could, and even when the time ticked close to zero, she didn't leave her behind for a second to try and finish. I remember her saying that if Brooke didn't finish, she didn't want to either.

I sighed running my hands through my hair. Despite everything, my life was working out pretty well right now. I had accomplished something, and seeing these kids succeed showed me that. If I could keep them safe, if I could keep them alive, maybe my life could mean something. Maybe there was a chance for us all to make it through. That's why it was so important for them to become a team. They needed to realize how important it was to have people to watch your back and care for you. People like Peeta, Katniss, Gale, Finnick, and the rest of my team. Even Vanessa had my back these days.

"Ms. Harper?" I heard a strained voice call out from the doorway. I turned around and tried to make out who it was. The receptionist from my "office" which I barely ever used and had an assistant to run, was calling my name. "Ms. Harper, there's a call for you."

"I'm a little busy," I said, gesturing to the people around me, "tell them I'll call back tonight."

"It's urgent." I saw a strange sense of panic in her eyes.

"What could be so urgent and important that it would interrupt the first meeting with my team since the successful completion of their mission test?" I was starting to get impatient. We had a lot to do today, and I hadn't even begun the debriefing.

"It's a Ms. Everdeen? She says she needs to speak with you right away. She sounded upset."

I looked at Gale skeptically, probably some over-exaggerated worry she had about her baby or what she was eating or a complaint about her mother nagging her. I walked towards my receptionist. "Katniss would say it was urgent. I'm sure she's just paranoid. She'll understand if I wait to call back."

"It's not Katniss." She whispered. "She said her name was Primrose. Primrose Everdeen. Something is terribly wrong. I didn't want to say it in front of all of them, but she was crying hysterically. I didn't know what to say. She just wanted to talk to you, and she said she needed your help."

I frowned and turned back to my trainees. My heart started to pound. What could be wrong with Prim? I pushed back the messenger and half-ran to my office, anticipation pulsing through my veins. The phone was off the receiver, the button for line one blinking furiously. I held down the button and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Sy-Sydney?" I heard a tearful voice on the other end of the line. I could hear vague noises shuffling around in the background, and Prim's voice was muffled, like the phone had a bad connection. "Are you there?"

"Yeah, it's me Prim." I answered, my concern rising. "What's up, what's wrong?"

"I just don't know what to do. Peeta ran in here and now he's gone. I can't find him. I'm all alone and scared and they won't tell me anything and they say I have to go home and, and…and" I could hear her hyperventilating into the phone.

"Calm down, calm down Prim." I had no idea what she was talking about, and this hysterical state wasn't helping. "What happened?"

"It all happened so fast." We were walking down the street, just towards the market from the victor's village, when this car whirred by. It was headed for the mayor's house, a friend of his son's. I saw it coming before she did, and I tried to yell and warn her, but she didn't realize what was going on, and he must've been looking down. He slammed right into her and there was blood everywhere and the ambulance came and took her away."

"Who Prim?" I asked, though I already knew. "Who did the ambulance take?" _Say your mother. Say Delly. Say anyone else._ I prayed.

"Katniss." She broke out into sobs again. "The car hit Katniss." My jaw dropped open and I braced myself against the table, falling into the cushiony desk chair that had never been used before. The world around me started ringing, and even though I knew Prim's sobs were there, I couldn't really hear them. I tried to force myself to breath, but it was like I had just been kicked in the ribs.

"Help me." Prim's voice came back into focus. I realized she was even more scared than I was, and being there for her would help me focus.

"Where's your mother Prim?"

"Gone. She left for district six a few days ago to do some missionary health work. I don't know when she'll be back and there's no way to reach her. I have no idea where Peeta went and I'm all alone." I started to write a note to Haymitch before she even finished talking.

"I'll be there in a few hours. Just stay calm Prim, ok? Read a book, try to keep your mind off of it. I'll be right there, I promise." A few more assurances later and I slammed the phone down on the receiver, disbelief still running through me. It was a state in between shock and fear. I didn't want to think about the possibilities.

I ran back out into the training area, making my way to Gale as quickly as I could. He and Vanessa were still talking and laughing with the trainees. I held back the tears and the panic, and grabbed his shoulder violently. I knew he could sense something was wrong. "What did she want?"

"There's been an accident. It's Katniss. She got hit-" I realized that they were all listening to me, so I shot Vanessa a look, and she stood up and got them going on a drill. "She got hit by a car. Prim wasn't sure what was going on, but their mother isn't there, and Peeta ran into the hospital and hasn't been seen."

"What are we going to do?" He asked, his face serious. "Is she going to be ok? Is she going to live?"

"I don't know any of that. As far as what we're going to do, I need you to stay here with the trainees. I'm going to twelve right now. I'll find a hovercraft or something."

"I'm going with you."

"No." I shook my head. "I need someone to stay here and run this program. It can't be stopped for this."

"So you stay and I'll go." I looked at him in disbelief, but his eyes had that angry, fiery look in them.

"She's my best friend, Gale. I'm going." I narrowed my eyes. I had never seen Gale so passionate about something like this.

"I need to know if she's going to be ok." His voice started to rise. "She can't be hurt. The baby. She has to be ok."

"I'll call you from the hospital." I said, my patience running out. I could tell he was angry with me, but he would stay. "I promise." I kissed his cheek and ran out of the training area.

I didn't stop at my apartment. I didn't have time. I needed to get to twelve now. At the hangar, there were hovercrafts all around, but none scheduled to leave for twelve until tomorrow. I saw the pilot who had taken us across the sea standing by a commercial craft, talking with another engineer. He saw me coming and waved. "Hello, Ms. Harper!" He said happily. "So glad to see you again."

"I need your help." His smile faded. I guess my dire need was apparent on my face. "I need to get to district twelve. Now."

He rubbed his chin. "There are no crafts set to leave until tomorrow…"

"My friend was in an accident. They don't know if she'll make it. I have no idea how serious her injuries are. Please," I could feel the tears brimming on my eyes. Maybe it was time to use them. "Please."

I could see that persuade him, and he nodded. "I don't see what harm it could do. I've got the day off today anyway, may as well do some flying." He put a hand on my shoulder. "Let's not waste anymore time."

The entire ride there was one stressful session of me trying to convince myself this was a dream, or that Katniss was going to be ok. The vague details Prim had given me left much to the imagination, so I imagined situations where Katniss had cuts and bruises, and ones where she had cracked her skull open. The ambulances and panic and lack of Peeta hinted at the second one, and that made me sick to my stomach. I threw up from the panic and anxiety, and tried to drink as much water as I could. This was worse than any flight I had ever been on, because I knew that no outcome on the other side was favorable for me.

If Katniss wasn't already dead, there was a very good chance her unborn child was. That made me even more afraid. What would happen to her, to Peeta? They would be a mess. The doctors were advanced. They could save them both. My confidence in Panem's medical system had increased ten-fold since they had saved Gale, so I hoped they were as good to Katniss. The pilot tried talking to me a few times, but after I got sick he could tell I wasn't in the mood. I felt him begin to fly a little faster, and I smiled a little to myself. He was a good one.

After what seemed like days of endless anxiety and worry, we finally got to district twelve. I didn't even wait for the platform to finish dropping before I thanked him and promised I would get him back. I was off to the ground transportation, begging for a ride to the hospital. No one was offering, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I grabbed a motorcycle from the pegs beside the security station and flashed my official army badge. It didn't really give me permission to steal government property, but the lieutenant symbol on the top made the suspicious looks go away, so I went with it.

I didn't really know my way around thirteen, but the guidance system linked up with the helmet was handy, and after a few wrong turns and some over the limit driving, I made it to the hospital. I dumped the bike hastily against the wall, throwing the keys to some random valet. It may not have even been a valet, I didn't really care. Now that I was actually here, the panic had fully set in. I had to control my breathing and keep myself from freaking out.

I walked up to the desk. "I'm..I'm here for Katniss. Katniss Everdeen." She frowned at me like a woman who had worked one too many hours on one too many days, and who had seen too many frantic people like me to care about my situation. She lazily leafed through her pamphlets and I felt the frustration rising in my throat. The noises of the hospital buzzed around my head, and the lack of sleep started to sink in. My head pounded behind my temples, and I closed my eyes to try and stop myself from letting this lady have it. "Ma'am?" I heard her grittingly whiny voice and my eyes snapped open. She could sense my displeasure, and I think it just fueled her terrible customer service. "She's in surgery. Only family members are allowed to stay on the surgical floor, so I'm going to need to see your identification, and your proof of relation."

I handed her my I.D., and she frowned, shaking her head. I stammered out some frustrated sounds, but they made no sense. What was I supposed to do, go home? Turn around and wait in the cold outside the hospital? "Listen, I need to be there, I can't…I have nowhere to go. Don't you know me? Sydney Harper, war hero and former presidential candidate?" I hated doing that, but most of the time people had enough respect for me to let me in.

"I don't really care who you are," she answered, sass rising in her tone, "rules are rules and no one is above them." She handed my identification back. "You don't have the same last name, so please prove to me that you're related. I'd love to hear this story."

My hands balled into fists at my side. I didn't have time for this. Prim needed me. Peeta was probably going crazy. I was going crazy. "She's my sister. Our sister." I heard a small, but strong voice behind me, and I let out a sigh of relief. I turned on my heel and saw Prim standing there, hair disheveled and eyes red from hours of crying. I saw tears brimming on her eyelids again, and I ran over and wrapped my arms around her. Her sobs racked her small frame.

"Shhh. Prim, it's going to be ok. It's all going to be ok."

"Please don't leave, Sydney. Please. I need you. I'm so scared—"

I turned back to the nurse. Skepticism flashed across her face, but Prim's emotional state seemed to break her. I mouthed a rigid thank you to the nurse after she waved us through. I put an arm around her shoulders and she led me onto the surgical floor. I forced her to sit down and relax, going to a nearby cooler to get us some water. Being here and supporting her focused me. It kept my mind off of my own panic, but I still didn't know what was happening with Katniss. I gave her a moment to calm down. "Prim, what's happening? Where's Peeta? Have they said anything about Katniss?"

She shook her head at the floor. "No one's told me anything. 'Wait for your mother dear'. That's what they tell me, but we don't even know where she is or how to get in contact with her, so I've been sitting out here, panicking and letting my mind wander through all the terrible possibilities. It just all happened so fast. One second she was standing right next to me, and the next she was on the ground. My sister is going to die."

"No." I almost yelled, and Prim looked up, but I wasn't talking to her. I was talking to my self, trying to tell myself. "No. She won't. She can't." The strength started to leave me, and this time it was Prim who put her arm on my shoulder. I put my head in my hands and ran them through my hair, grabbing the back of my neck and trying not to scream. After all that we had been through, after everything, this wouldn't kill her.

We stayed like that for a long time. My neck started to cramp and I laid my head back against the wall, but we just continued to sit in silence, each of us wrapped up in the painful reality. The lines in the hospital started to distort and change, running through all of the faces of people I had lost. After Lexie and Emanuel, Katniss' face showed up, all too real in those horrible wrinkly lines. A smile flew across her face, and I sat up suddenly, shaking my head. I had to move, to do something. I would go insane if I didn't. "Where's Peeta?" I asked Prim.

She looked at me like I was a little crazy, but shook it off. "I think he's in the room that over looks the surgical station. It's where doctors usually go, but I think he managed to get in, and he hasn't come out. It's been hours."

"I'm going to go see him, ok?" I said, letting go of her hand. She nodded reassuringly and picked up a magazine and waved it lazily. One calmed down, one to go. I ruffled her hair and turned around, searching for the surgery door. I thought about asking the nurse, but didn't want to push my luck, so I tried a few do not enter signs, and eventually ran into a kind doctor who pointed me in the right direction. The sign on the door said "Overlook" so I assumed I was in the right place.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. I expected him to be a mess, but it was worse than that. He was standing with his nose inches from the glass, eyes open and unmoving. His hair was unkempt, and it looked like he hadn't moved for hours. My eyes couldn't help but wonder towards the windows, and I turned my head and tried to hold in the sickness rising in my throat. _Be strong, Syd._ I told myself. I closed the door behind me and watched Peeta's face flinch, like he had never heard a noise before. His head whipped to the side. The whites of his eyes were the color of the red training uniform I hadn't bothered to take off, and dried tear streaks were vivid on his cheeks. "Tell me I'm hallucinating." He choked out. "Tell me it's a dream. That you're couldn't really be here and it's a dream and I'll wake up next to her in bed, and you'll be back in district thirteen. I'll wake up and call you and tell you about this nightmare we were in."

My heart ached for this boy who I had grown to love like a brother. I just stared at him and gritted my death, not knowing how to answer. "Please, Sydney. Please. It can't be real." I made my way over to him slowly, shaking my head.

"Peeta," I reached him and put my arms on his shoulders. I could feel his strong muscles shaking under his shirt. It looked like he was about to collapse. "I wish it was. I wish it was a dream, but it's not." He ripped himself from my grip and walked towards the wall. A grunt ripped from his throat and his hand lashed out, striking the hard metal in front of him. The sound startled me and I took a step towards him. "Peeta—" My voice was cut short by another crack as his hand hit the wall again. It was like a wall had been broken in Peeta's mind, and he hit the one in front of him again and again, yelling with each one.

I grabbed his arm as he reared back again. He turned towards me and I thought he was lost, but I saw the tears streaming down his face, and pulled him in close to me. It was just like holding Prim, but this was worse. This was a man broken, destroyed, ripped up from the inside out. This was killing him. I rubbed his back softly, not saying anything. There was nothing that needed to be said. "What am I going to do, Sydney? What am I going to do without her?"

"Hey," I pushed him away and held him at arms length, "She's still alive Peeta. Don't give up on her. She's a fighter, more than any of us." He gave me a reluctant nod. "You shouldn't be here, Peeta." I looked him up and down. "It's killing you."

"I won't leave her." He went back to the window and looked out to the surgery floor. I stood next to him and swallowed hard. All I could make out was a lot of blood and a bunch of doctors. Her face was covered by some sheet along with most of her body, but her legs were sticking out of the end of the table. I knew Peeta wasn't just thinking about her. He was thinking about his son or daughter, but I avoided the thought. There was only one realistic outcome. _Don't think about it._ I told myself. It's easier that way.

"You're not leaving her." I tried to pull him away but he shrugged me off. "You'll be right there." I gestured towards the hall. "This isn't good for you."

"I won't leave her." He repeated stubbornly.

"You're not." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Please, just come with me outside, at least to get some water. You need a break. You'll go insane."

He turned towards me, eyes raving. "I'm well past that I think."

"Please." I pleaded. The emotions and lack of sleep were taking their toll. "She wouldn't want you here." It was my last desperate attempt. "She wouldn't want to see you like this."

"You think she wouldn't be right here if it was me?"

"And you think I wouldn't be doing the same thing?" I said with an exhausted laugh. "And she would break down and listen to me?" My hand reached out and opened the door behind me for him. A long, deciding stare later and he was following me down the hallway to the waiting room.

Prim looked surprised to see him, but I saw her heart break just like mine had. He didn't even nod at her. A lazy raise of the eyebrows was all he managed before he collapsed into a chair and rested his face in his palms. I took my cue and got him a cup of water, forcing him to drink it. As I sat next to him and across from Prim, I prayed that we weren't here long. I couldn't stand it. For once, God smiled on me, and fifteen minutes later a doctor appeared in the waiting room.

"For Mrs…Mellark?" He said quietly. The stress and exhaustion were apparent in his eyes, and I guessed he was in the operating room the whole time. Depending on the next few sentences out of his mouth, I may have to thank him. Peeta's head shot up, but he didn't say anything, so I took the lead.

"We're her family." I answered him. I got that strange panicky feeling again where my stomach rose to my throat and my heart pounded at the same time. It was worse than any pre-mission jitters I had ever had, and it was like I could see his mouth moving before I heard the words.

He let out a sigh first, then licked his lips lightly. There was no good news bad news indication. "The surgery was extensive, we did what we could," No. No no no. Don't say it. Please don't say it those are no the words I want to hear. "She's extremely lucky." I felt my stomach drop and I fell back into my chair. "A few more minutes and she would've been a goner. She's lucky to have you." He pointed to Prim.

I smiled and saw Prim do the same. I looked to Peeta, but saw his expression hadn't changed. He was waiting for the other news. I looked back at the doctor, and he was staring warily at Peeta. I didn't want to ask, because I already knew the answer. My rudimentary medical knowledge was enough to tell me what he was about to say.

"I'm sorry, but we weren't able to save your child. It was just impossible to save them both, and if we had chosen him, your wife would have definitely passed, and the child may not have made it either." I looked at the ground, unsure of how to feel. I was happy Katniss was alive of course, but I knew what this would do to her, and to Peeta. It was necessary, but it was one hell of a cost.

Peeta's eyes didn't move, but a single tear rolled down his cheek. He didn't blink. I wasn't even sure he was breathing.

"I'm sorry for your loss." He turned towards Prim and I. "Mrs. Mellark is being moved to the ICU. Floor three. You can move up there as soon as you like, but I'm not sure when she'll be ready to be seen. There won't be any permanent brain damage, and with our rapid therapies and bone regrowth, she should be back to normal in a matter of weeks. The nurses will tell you all about that." He gave us all a weak smile. "Good luck."

"Thank you." I smiled back at him, speaking for Peeta and myself. When the shock wore off, I was sure Peeta would be thankful. This was a lot for him to handle, after all. I turned back towards him, unsure of what to do.

His stare broke from the ground and he stared at me with his deep, sky blue eyes. "It was a boy." He said, unblinking and broken. "My son."


	12. Chapter 12

The cold morning air bit into my skin as I stepped outside onto the front porch. It stung, but the pain felt good. For the past two weeks, emotional degradation was all I had felt, so the physical pain was welcome. That was why I went running at all. It cleared my head and when I felt the pain coursing through my legs, when I struggled to breath and pushed myself to my physical limit, I could forget all about my problems and issues. I could spend just an hour or so focusing on this and only this. After I stretched my legs back and jumped up and down a few times, I stepped off the porch and started to move, making my way down the long path that lead out of the Victor's Village.

She was only in the hospital for a few days because her internal injuries were quick to heal, and the broken bones could mend themselves at home. All of the doctors believed that the sooner she got out the better her mental state would be. I don't remember the exact moment she came out of her drug induced sleep, but I knew the realizations were almost instant. She had become so hysteric that the doctors had put her back under, forcing her to calm down.

Eating was another issue. At first I though she wanted to die, and I think I was right. "You have to eat something." I said, resting my elbows on the bed and forcing the tray towards her. Her head didn't turn towards me, she didn't say anything. "Katniss." I said it louder, even though I knew it didn't matter. "Eat something."

In another time, I would've just called Peeta in and he would've held her hand and sweet talked her into eating, but their relationship was strange now. It was like some invisible barrier had been put up between them. They didn't really speak, and when they did it was tense. He was always attentive, loving, caring. Once the shock of death wore off, he was grateful for her to be alive, just as I predicted, but it was different. He never left her side, but it was like she didn't know he was there, and his mind was always somewhere else. Somewhere deep in the past where this trouble didn't exist. She would answer his questions and he would ask them, but there was no tenderness, no happiness, no I love yous. The thought made me sick.

I pushed the food another inch towards her, and this time she moved, shoving it back to where it had started lazily. "Come on, just—" I tried to say it again and this time she looked at me. I could see the pain in her eyes, and I just sighed. "You're lucky to be alive, Kat." I said finally. "Don't forget that. Don't let that slip away. Don't forget what was lost to keep you here." I stood up, and when I eventually came back to the room, her plate was clear. Tough love was my specialty, but that's all that seemed to work on her.

I knew that right now, as my feet pounded the rough pavement, she was probably sitting in bed. It was unlikely that she was asleep. She usually just laid there with her eyes open, staring at some space in front of her. Peeta would've gone to the market. We took shifts watching her, Prim, Peeta and I. It was almost like she was a child who needed constant care, unable to stand up by herself and unwillingly to feed herself. Seeing such a strong, unbending person like this just wither before my eyes was hard, but I didn't really know what to do.

She was probably healed for the most part by now, so I wondered if she would ever actually stand up and move. Her stitches had disappeared and her bruises were yellowing, so that was a good sign. We stopped the IV three days ago, and her body had responded well. I saw that dead look in her eyes flash through my head, and I forced myself to run faster. I didn't want to think about that. I didn't want to think at all. My head clouded as the air got harder and harder to suck in. My mind flew away from my body, and I forced myself to go faster. Run harder. Forget.

"Sydney!" I heard my name called out from behind me. I turned and almost tripped over a rock trying to slow myself down, but I felt a hand on my arm. "Slow down there. Before you know it you'll be back in thirteen." I shook my head and put my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath. Peeta offered me some water from a bottle he was holding, and I took it gratefully.

When I gained my breath back, I stood up straight. "Speaking of thirteen, remind me to call Gale." I missed him, that was certain, but I couldn't help but feel the pangs of jealousy when that sprang up when I thought of frantic he had been calling about Katniss. He had almost insisted on coming to twelve before I reminded him that he had promised to look after the squad in my absence. He had managed to calm down a little since those first few days when he called every half an hour to check on her. I tried to get her to talk on the phone to him, but she was unresponsive as always, grumbling out a few meager answers to his questions. This only seemed to make him more concerned, but he backed off when I snapped at him.

"Will do, will do." The solemnness was there in his smile, but he tried to hide it from me. Peeta and I had grown closer and closer these past few weeks as we took care of Katniss together. I had come here for Katniss, but part of me was staying for Peeta. He was getting better, but if I left now he would have no one to share the burden with. We started to walk back to the Victor's Village together in silence.

"So what did you buy?" I tried to talk about other things, because I knew his mind would wander back to his unborn son and his withering wife if I let it, so I tried as hard as I could to distract him. Small talk had always been a specialty of mine, and I was good at carrying on conversations about nothing.

The bags in his arms were full, and he looked through them, trying to remember. "Some flour, eggs, wheat, stuff like that."

"Are you going to bake?!" I asked, stopping and punching him on the arm. Such a small thing, but it was revolutionary to me.

"Ow!" He said, moving away from me a little, but a smile was spread across his face and he was laughing. "Yeah, yeah I'm going to bake something. A cake or bread or something, I don't know. I'm just sick of sitting around."

"That's great!" He flinched away, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Don't hit me again." He said. "You're too strong for me."

I rolled my eyes and took another sip from the water bottle. I expected the forlorn look to return to his face, but the smile stayed. Taking this as encouragement, I asked him about his baking, and he launched into an animated detail of how to bake cakes. I didn't really care, but I nodded my head and laughed, happy that he was returning to the old Peeta. We reached the house in no time, and I opened the door for him. "So I'm not totally sure where I'm going to go with this, to be honest. I just got the urge to make something." He finished as we stepped through the doorway and into the house.

As I shook the dirt from my running shoes and slipped them off my feet, I heard noise coming from the kitchen. I turned my head to Peeta and raised my eyebrows warily, wondering who could possibly be up and moving in there. Prim had no cooking abilities that I knew of, so it had to be someone else. I stepped into the kitchen and there was Mrs. Everdeen, bent over the stove with her blonde hair pulled into a bun, a tight look on her face. When she heard us coming she turned and let out a sigh, shaking her head. It looked like she was on the verge of tears, and Peeta rushed over and gave her a hug. He was good with stuff like that, social cues or what have you.

"Hello, Mrs. Everdeen." I said, taking my jacket off over my head and setting it on a hook outside the kitchen door. She looked up and gave me a small smile. "It's nice to see you, but if you don't mind my asking, how are you here? I mean…we tried to contact you but nobody knew where you were. They said you had gone off to some field or something and wouldn't be back for weeks."

"I just got this feeling. An overwhelming sense of dread. I guess it was a mother's instincts. I went back to the city center of the district I was working with, and found out that I had dozens of missed messages from the both of you and Primrose." The tears welled in her eyes. "I got on a train as soon as I could, then came straight to the house. Prim says she…she's been…"

"Comatose?" I asked, pouring myself a cup of coffee that I had set to brew while I was gone. I usually didn't like the bitter black liquid, but ever since my trip over seas, I had come to need it to make up for my lack of sleep. My temples began to pulse, and I knew the stress headache was coming on. "Yeah, basically."

"Well thank you kids for taking care of her. I know how hard this must be for you, Peeta. You're going through something too, but I owe you everything for being there for my daughter." He just nodded and sat down at the kitchen table. The smile was wiped clean from his face, and he stared hard at a knot in the wood. Mrs. Everdeen gave him a pitied look, then turned back to me. "So do you know what medications they have her on?"

I shrugged. "They didn't tell me. They just gave us the IV and told us when to take it off. There are pills, I don't really know anything about them to be honest." I sank back into the countertop. I didn't realize how glad I was to have her here. A nurse was exactly what we needed, but a mother was what she needed. "I have no idea about any of this. Prim, Peeta and I have been trying to take care of her, but Prim's the only one with even rudimentary knowledge of medical care, and we aren't sure if she has brain damage or something. The doctor's said she didn't and she would be fine, but she barely moves or speaks, so I worry that-"

"That what?" The voice rang out from the dining room doorway. I nearly spat back the burning hot coffee, and coughed it out, setting the cup down on the counter. "That I'm a mental patient? That I'll slip into a coma?" The edge in her tone was more apparent than I expected.

"Uh…no, I didn't mean it like that." Katniss just stared at me, her icy brown eyes cutting through my skin. "I just—"

"You're up." I thanked Peeta for the interruption. He stood from his chair. A small smile had returned to his lips, but I sensed an odd discomfort in the air.

"I got hit by a car, sorry if I was slow to recover." Another slash of sarcasm. This wasn't the depression that I was expecting. She was bitter, angry, even, and she was directing it at all of us. Slowly and painfully she made her way to the table, refusing Peeta's help. The bruises around her face and neck had yellowed completely, but the boot on her ankle weighed her down and I could tell her back still bothered her a lot. It had only been two weeks. She was right, we couldn't expect her to be perfect.

We ate in silence at first, but I decided that maybe acting like things were normal would help. "So I ran into Delly Cartwright last night." I said to Peeta between bites of eggs. We ususally had breakfast together, so maybe talking like we used to would defuse the tension. "She asked if we were going to come over and eat dinner with her any time soon at Sae's place." I said, emphasizing the we with air quotes. Delly had practically thrown herself at Peeta like Katniss had died or something. It made me upset, but I couldn't help but laugh at how careless it was.

He let out a small laugh. "Every day. I've actually avoided walking down that road ever since we saw her the first time on the way to the laundry."

"I just wish she would stop inviting me. Like she actually wants me to show up. Maybe I'll go by myself and see what she has to say. I could see that being entertaining."

"She'd probably find some excuse to not eat with you." He joked back. "Like the time you asked her to help you clean up the house. 'O sorry, Sydney, I know I said I'd come over, but I forgot I had to brush my hair. Next time I promise.'"

"I just love messing with her, it's like she has no idea that I make it a huge jo—"

"Good to know." Katniss said suddenly, speaking up. "So you guys just hang out around town every day, chatting it up with all our old friends?" My fork froze halfway to my mouth. "Life goes on, is that it?"

"Don't be like this, Katniss. You know that's not it. But the sooner we get back to how things were, the easier it will be."

"Don't be so naïve." Her gaze shifted between us and she pushed her plate away, standing up. "Things are never going to go back to how they were."

She was right. Over the next week or so, things just got worse. If I thought Katniss' mood would improve with time, I was wrong. The more the days wore on the more bitter she got. She moved around the house and ate things and sarcastically quipped at things we said. It grated on my nerves, but I forced the anger down and tried to continue to be as kind as possible. Over time, she started to talk to me normally on occasion, and some of our old comradery returned, but it could disappear in an instant, so I was always on the look out.

To have your best friend be upset with you for no reason was hard, but the most difficult part about the whole thing was watching Katniss and Peeta fight. They didn't even have a relationship anymore. He tried to help her, but she always refused. They talked in angry comments and harsh tones. Maybe if they had been yelling it would have been ok, because at least that was passionate. This was just nothing.

One day, I got back from my morning run, and there were bags littering the floor of the living room. Just as I started to call out for someone, I heard voices descending the staircase. "If you think this is what's best for you, then I guess you should go." Peeta's voice sounded strained. "But maybe you should just stay. I don't want to live here without you."

"It's only temporary." Katniss answered. By then they had reached the bottom landing. "My mother knows how to treat me, to make sure my wounds heal and help the headaches go away. If I stay with her, I'll get better faster."

"What's going on?" I asked.

Peeta looked at Katniss as she rearranged the bags, waiting for her to answer me. "I'm moving in with Prim and my mom." She picked on up and slung it over her shoulder, wincing slightly. "To finish healing."

I looked at Peeta again, watching the pained expression on his face. "You seem to be fine here. Your mom is right next door."

"It'll be easier in the same house, and it's getting colder and harder for Prim to travel over here."

"It's literally twenty yards away." I tried to keep the disbelief out of my tone. How could she be doing this to Peeta?

"Its too far." Another icy brown stare and I knew better than to argue in front of him. He picked up a few bags.

"Anything you want, I'll do." Pushing past me and out the door, I heard him hold in a silent sob.

When the door closed behind him, I shook my head. "Are you insane?" The anger rose in my throat. "You're going to kill him. He'd do anything for you, and there's no way that excuse about Prim and your mom is going to fly with me. I know things have been tense between you two, but you can't leave. He's your husband, you guys love each other."

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do with my relationships." She spat back. "I can't stay here Sydney." She paused for a moment. "I just can't. The memories are too hard, and I know I'll never get that life back, that happiness. It's impossible. It'll be best for both of us to live apart for a while."

"No, it won't. Please don't do this to him. He's never been anything but good to you. He loves you more than anything, and he would never leave you. Don't do it to him. He deserves better than that."

"I know your upstanding opinion of Peeta, trust me. If he deserves better, then he'll find it."

"I don't mean it like that. You still love him, I know it."

"Of course I do. I'll always love him, but you're right. I'm killing him. I'm no good for him. Time apart will heal me, and then maybe we can fix things, but right now…I just can't." She pushed past me and walked towards her mother's house, awkwardly passing Peeta on the way back. I sighed and left after her, shaking my head.

When we had finished moving back into the house, Peeta and I walked down the road in silence. I could tell me was just waiting to be out of my sight, then he would break down. Offering to console him wouldn't help. Sometimes, you just needed to cry when your life was falling apart. "She'll come around." I said anyway, putting a hand on his shoulder. "And if you need to talk, I'm here. I promise."

"I know you are." He smiled through the tears flowing over his eyelids. "Thanks, Syd." Then he walked up the stairs and into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

I tried to call Gale, like I had every day for the past week, but it went unanswered. For some reason, he hadn't been returning my calls recently, and I wasn't worried, but I missed him. He must have just been busy with the team. I cleaned the entire downstairs to try and keep myself busy. All afternoon I labored over the kitchen and bathroom and living room, trying to take out my anger on the dust and the grime. Peeta had done an ok job, but I could tell it had been Katniss who cleaned things.

The accident had drawn my mind away from all of my other problems, but only briefly. While I was doing this busy work, it managed to wander back to my treacherous father, the upcoming operations on my squad, the fact that we were all pretty much doomed, on top of the stress of taking care of Katniss. It was overwhelming, but I manage to grit my teeth and gulp it down. One more thing would probably send me over the edge, and I prayed that it wouldn't come. I didn't know if I could handle one more thing being thrown onto my plate.

Apparently prayers weren't meant to be answered. Later that night, I cooked dinner for myself and made a portion for Peeta, setting it outside his door and making sure to knock, but leave right away. If he wanted to talk, he would talk. Just as I finished the last of the eggs and toast that was my only cooking knowledge, the phone rang. I jumped at the noise, not realizing that I had been in total silence for hours now, with only sounds of scrubbing and cooking and my own thoughts surrounding me.

Putting my fork down, I picked up the phone as it nearly rang off the hook. "Hello?" I asked, mouth still slightly full.

"Hey, Sydney." I heard Gale's voice over the line. Relief flooded through me, but he sounded off.

I smiled anyway, and tried to sound happy. It was nice to hear from him, and I was sure he just had a long day. "I see you finally decided to call me back." I joked.

"Yeah..I uhm…I'm sorry." Something was wrong. "How are you?"

There was something hanging in the air. Something that needed to be said. Small talk wasn't what he called for. "What's wrong Gale?"

"Nothin—" He started to answer, but I interrupted.

"Don't' lie to me." The anger and anxiety were there, hanging on to his every word. My heart pounded in my chest. Not good news. Of course it wasn't. It never was. "Why haven't you been answering me? I thought maybe you were just busy, but I know you too well after hearing your voice."

He sighed into the receiver, and I could picture him leaning against the wall, running his hand through his hair and deciding the best way to tell me whatever he had to say. "It's been a rough couple of weeks." He said, strain entering his tone. "I've been stressed. Something…something happened. I didn't mean for it to happen, and I'm so sorry. It was a mistake, a stupid mistake."

Words were entering my head, but it was like I barely heard them. Some part of my brain was trying to block this out, to protect itself from the pain. "Just tell me." I said through the silence. Nothing. "Gale. Tell me."

"You just…weren't there. And they said that the recruits have to be experimented on earlier, and my little brother is sick, and I can't handle this by myself. Vanessa was, she was just there. And I missed you and I was alone and she came on to me. I'm so sorry. I should've stopped it. I love you, Sydney. I lo-"

I clicked the receiver down onto the small holder in the wall. Disbelief and dread and anger and shock flashed through my head one after the other. I heard the phone ringing again, but I ignored it. The overwhelming need to leave this place overcame me. Without putting on a jacket, I stepped out into the bitter winter air and just walked. I wandered around the Victor's Village, hoping the combination of the wind and cold would knock this news out of my head. That maybe I was hallucinating, or the past three weeks had been some awful nightmare. The past three months had. The past six.

The snow was freezing on my feet. I hadn't thought to change out of slippers. I hadn't thought of anything. I could barely feel my hands, and maybe the reason I wasn't crying was that the tears were frozen in my face. How could he do this to me? The betrayal kept hitting my stomach, blow after blow like I was in a boxing match with some giant. I ended up at Mrs. Everdeen's front door. I knocked hard, hoping that someone would hear. It wasn't that late, at least I didn't think so. Night had fallen, but I hadn't been walking around for too long, at least I didn't think so. I had lost all touch with reality, so I wasn't even sure if I was really here.

Prim answered the door, and her eyebrows raised. "Is Katniss here?" I asked, my own voice sounding so far away.

She nodded, not questioning my appearance, clearly knowing that something was wrong. I just needed someone to talk to. Someone to tell me that the bad things were over. That it was ok to just sob. Prim disappeared and a few seconds later, she was back. "Katniss is about to sleep. She doesn't really wanna be bothered right now."

"Please, Prim." I choked out, knowing that the pain was seeping into my voice now. "I need to talk to her." She left again, and this time I heard voices coming from the other room. I looked up at the sky and shifted my weight back and forth, taking deep breaths to try and keep the panic away. I had been so strong for so many people, but I was about to break. I could sense it, and it scared me. I didn't want to be alone right now, afraid of what I would do.

A frown was written across her scared face when she came back. She shook her head slowly. "I'm really sorry, Sydney. She just wants to sleep. It hasn't been a good day." All of the times I was there for her. Everything I had done for her over the past three weeks, and she was tired? She wouldn't see me when I needed her most? My anger boiled over, and I turned on my heel, stumbling back through the snow towards the house. No one cared. It wasn't just Gale, it was everyone.

I was inside before I knew it, sitting on the couch, head in my hands, breath coming in wheezing gasps. Spots appeared before my eyes, and it sounded like a thousand people were screaming in my head. Gale's face flashed there first, then my father's, then Brooke Andersons. The phone was still ringing, and I walked over to where it was on the wall, noticing that it was Gale's image that appeared on the holograph. I tore it off the wall and threw it across the room. An explosion of glass filled the air, and I leaned back against the counter, tears now streaming down my face.

Out of nowhere, someone's hands were on my shoulders, shaking me. "Hey, Sydney. Hey!" The voice grew louder, breaking the cloud of confusion and panic that crowded my head. "What's going on?" Peeta asked, eyes full of concern.

I didn't know what to say, so I just shook my head. Shook it back and forth like the bad things that were happening to me would just fall out one side. If I tried hard enough I would give myself brain damage and I would forget. Forget everything bad that was happening to me. Instead. Peeta's hands moved to my head. He grabbed the sides of my face and forced me to stop shaking my head. This only made the tears come down harder, and before I knew it, his arms were wrapped around me, pushing my head into his shoulder. I beat my fists against his back, trying to get out, trying to hide away again and go back to pretending to be strong, but he wouldn't let go. He was making me feel. "It's going to be ok." He said. "It's ok to let go. It's ok to feel." The words broke me, and I just fell into his chest, sobbing harder than I had in years.


	13. Chapter 13

The combination of delicious smells and sunlight streaming through the living room window woke me up. My eyes opened slowly, stymied by the dried tears that coated my lashes. Disoriented, I sat up suddenly before realizing I was on the couch, and the events from yesterday flooded back into my mind. After I had my mental breakdown, Peeta had gotten me water and sat me down on the couch. I just stared at the ground at first, but before I knew what was really happening, I had told Peeta everything. Every painstakingly boring detail starting from the moment I had joined squad 451 what seemed like years ago. I went through the whole story with my dad, from my childhood nightmares to Coin to him being an evil maniac. I wasn't supposed to, and I was surprised when it helped to let it out. Bottling it in just seemed easier, but for some reason, when Peeta just sat there and stared at me, I kept talking. He had that effect on people, I had been told so many months earlier in a cold dark cell below some Capitol prison.

He just listened. For hours and hours he listened, until I had to break because my voice had become hoarse from the crying and the talking. After that, he talked. About Katniss and his lost son and his life in district twelve. He talked about his regret not being able to save Gale, and when I flinched at the name, he avoided the topic at all costs. I guess I had fallen asleep somewhere in there, but I didn't really remember it. The overwhelming flow of emotions made last night kind of a blur. I got up and stretched my legs out.

The first thing I saw when I got into the kitchen was a small bag full of glass and plastic sitting next to the trash can, and a hole in the wall above it. The phone of course. I blushed at the thought, reminding myself to pay him back. Peeta stood at the stove, cooking something that was no doubt better than whatever I had made for dinner last night. "I see you decided to wake up." He grinned, but it was unsure. He didn't know how I was feeling. "I made you some food, just in case. I would've woken you, but I remembered the phone, and I didn't want to end up like it."

I thought about letting the depression overcome me. About glaring at him like this until the smile disappeared and he was just as sad as I was. Shouldn't he be? His life was just as bad as mine, wasn't it? So why wasn't he crying 24/7, or angry at the world? Then I realized it, and remembered something he had said to me a long time ago. _If you don't laugh, you'll cry, and no one wants that._ So instead of breaking down, I started to laugh, and sat down at the table with an ironic smile on my face.

"Wow, I really did not expect you to laugh like that." The impression showed on his face.

I shrugged my shoulders. "My life is horrible. Everything that could go wrong has, so why waste a good joke? Or a bad one, like that. I have to take every laugh that's thrown my way."

He frowned. "You think my joke was bad?" He asked after a moment of silence.

That only made me laugh more, and I managed to force down the breakfast, admitting that it was much better than anything I could make. I sighed as I got up from the table, heading up to my room. I thought about sleeping more, but the risk of nightmares was too high, so I put on a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt and tied my running shoes on. As I stretched out my calves and legs, Peeta stood in the doorway, studying me.

"Does it help?" He asked. "Does it help make the pain go away?"

Confused, I was about to ask what he meant, but I realized that he was referring to running. I didn't know how to answer. "In the beginning, yeah. When I take off and the cold gets to me and my heart is pounding and my lungs are screaming, I can forget everything, but when I come down from the high, it almost makes things worse. And I worry. I worry that one day I'm going to try so hard to forget, that I'll never be able to remember who I am, or why I started running in the first place."

His face was stoic, but I could tell he didn't like my answer. It was obvious that all Peeta wanted was the make his pain go away. "But yeah." I finished. "I guess it does help." He nodded slowly. "Do you wanna come?"

"I'm a little out of shape." A small chuckle softened the shame in his voice.

I shrugged. "That makes it better. It takes less time to get the pain to go away." This seemed to convince him, and I waited at the bottom of the steps for him to change.

It became a routine for us. Wake up, run, eat, spend time apart, eat again, check on Katniss periodically, worry about her, talk to Prim, maybe bake something, sit around a fire and talk, then go to sleep and do it all over again. There was something comforting about those few days. Katniss was still out of it. We would make small talk, but it was like everything that had happened between us was gone, and I was a stranger to her. There were moments, brief glimmers of hope where she would laugh at a joke I told or recount a memory that we had, but then old Katniss would fade away, and the new girl was back, eyes looking off into the distance painfully.

I noticed myself growing closer to him. It was hard to stop it, the pull we had towards each other. Spending hours and hours a day with each other did that to you, but it was just our friendship growing. I needed Peeta and he needed me. We traded each other's pain, and it was the only thing keeping me sane right now. I didn't think anything of it, but then one night we went to the Everdeen's for dinner.

Prim and I had been washing dishes from dinner, with everyone else in the other room. Peeta dropped off a coffee cup and we exchanged smiles. I noticed Prim eyeing me, so my natural response was, "What?"

She shook her head. "You and Peeta have become close." It was condescending, suspicious, and accusatory, not what I was used to hearing from Prim.

"I'm just trying to help him feel better. He's going through something too, despite the fact that you all seem to forget that and expect him to be perfectly fine."

"I know that, trust me." Prim answered. "And I'm glad you're helping him, but just…don't get too comfortable Sydney."

I stopped washing the dish in my hands and turned to her. "These things you're saying sound like you're accusing me of something Prim."

"I'm just reminding you of something. My sister isn't dead, you know. She may be a little lost right now, but she's still Peeta's wife. And you may be living here and taking care of the house and helping him out, but that doesn't change the fact that Katniss is still here, that he's still married to her, not you." She shut the water off and turned to the living room to join the others. "Just don't forget that."

The conversation ran through my head for the remainder of our time there, and the walk back to the house after dinner. Katniss' lingering looks at us and the fact that Peeta got my coat for me suddenly seemed strange. _It was nothing._ I tried to convince myself. _You're being crazy. Just friends._ He could tell something was bothering me, as always. That was one of those unique Peeta traits. The ability to pick up on the moods of the people around you.

"Everything ok?" He asked when we got in the house. I nodded, even though it wasn't. Lying to him was hard. I was so good at keeping a straight face with strangers, but with friends I was an open book. "Are you sure?" I hung up my coat and sighed, turning to face him. All of a sudden I became hyper aware of everything I was doing and everything happening around me. His face was closer to mine than I remembered, but I was oddly ok with it, like this was how we always were, it was just that I hadn't noticed it.

"What are we doing Peeta?" I asked, not really sure what it was supposed to mean.

He looked at me quizzically. "Well right now, I think we're about to sit down and relax for a little. But we could play a game or something if you want…" His voice trailed off skeptically.

"That's not what I mean." Another sigh, they were becoming a part of my vocabulary by now. "We've become really close in the past few weeks, and that's great. You've become my rock, and I appreciate everything you've done for me. Really I do." I was scooting around the subject, trying to avoid the awkwardness.

"Me too." His icy blue eyes cut through mine, his stare more intense than usual. "I've been meaning to talk to you about that." He took my hand in his softly. It wasn't anything odd. I was just being crazy. "I can't thank you enough. I know you're going through a lot, but what you've done for me…I'll never be able to repay you. You're the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for. Katniss is lucky to have you. I'm…I'm lucky to have you. Without you, I wouldn't be standing here." He took a step closer to me, so our faces were only inches apart. "You're an amazing person, Sydney Harper, and Gale is the biggest idiot in the world."

I pulled away from him, shaking my head. "Yeah I guess so." I didn't want to be close to him right now, not with how I was feeling. The emotions in my head were so confused, and I didn't really know which way was up or what these odd feelings were. "He hasn't called in a while…I guess he gave up."

"He called one last time, yesterday afternoon. You were out somewhere." Peeta stared at the ground, eyes boring a hole in the wood. "I picked up the phone. That's why he hasn't called back." My look of utter confusion must have been obvious. "I told him to never call back, and that if he knew what was good for him, for you, he would just back off. That what he did was wrong and that he deserves the pain he's feeling."

"He's your best friend—"

"And that's why he deserves the truth." His eyes shifted back to mine. I didn't know what to say. "I doubt we'll speak anytime soon." He laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head, running a hand through his hair. Moving back towards me hesitantly, he shrugged his shoulders. "I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted…I just know how upset you were." I didn't pull away from him anymore. I resigned to the closeness. The friendship was comforting, and I shouldn't push him away.

"Thank you." I let myself smile. Thinking he would to, I reached out and touched his chest, pushing him away playfully. "My hero." I joked, but his face was serious, eyes flickering across my face. Before I registered what was happening, Peeta's lips were on mine. I could feel the pain there. The brokenness. He was searching for something in this kiss, I could sense it. After the shock wore off, I pulled my face away from his and pushed him away.

My jaw clenched and unclenched a few times while I shook my head involuntarily, still feeling the tingle on my lips. "No." I looked up at him. "This is not happening." I held my hands up in front of me. "It's not. It's not." The friendship was over. I took deep breaths, trying to get the sick feeling out of my stomach. I walked past him up the stairs.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Syd—"His words faded when I shut the door. I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes while a tear dripped down my cheek. What was I doing? My life was in ruins, and I was digging the hole even deeper. Peeta knocked on the door and tried to apologize, but I didn't answer. I didn't want to talk to him. I turned over and tried to sleep. Waking up from this dream would be nice.

Of course sleep didn't come. I tossed and turned, thinking about Katniss and Peeta and Gale and how awful of a person I was. Prim's words rung in my head, over an over again. _Just don't forget that. She's still here._ Prim had been right. She had seen what I had been pushing away for days. I didn't know what was going on with Peeta, but I didn't want this to be happening. Katniss and Peeta belonged together, and I was their best friend, maid of honor at their wedding. I felt like screaming, so I just held a pillow around my head. Finally, I got up out of bed at what must have been five a.m. I would run. It's what I always did.

I peeked into Peeta's room, and he was fast asleep on the bed in the clothes he wore last night. I put my shoes on quietly and headed out into the brisk air, praying I would get hypothermia and die out here. I ran for hours. The sun came up over the horizon on my fifth lap around the city center when I decided to take the scenic route and go past the seam. I ran all the way to the remnants of the electric fence that separated district twelve from the woods. The bombs that had essentially destroyed the district were less prevalent here. Most of the buildings were destroyed, but they looked like that in the first place it seemed.

I realized then that I had never been to the Seam before. I had visited twelve a few times, but never before had I thought to go to Katniss' old home. Prim had told me some time ago that it was one of the few buildings that hadn't been decimated by the bombs, so I walked around the rough dirt path that was their excuse for a road until I managed to locate the only house left standing, way at the end of the block. The door was unlocked, and when I stepped inside, I got the weirdest chills. It was a small house with only a few rooms and one level, very different from the one Katniss lived in now. There was a metal basin off to one side of the smallest room, and I wondered if this was how the Everdeens used to bathe.

It was odd to see something like this. The thought never occurred to me that people lived in poverty like this. I had seen desolate conditions before, but this was someone I knew, someone I was close to. Running my hand over the table, I realized that it wasn't the life of someone I knew. The thick layer of dust that set on my fingers reminded me of that. The Katniss Everdeen who had lived here had been different, I imagined. Similar, but different at the same time. Just then, I heard a rustling behind me, then a high pitched hiss that chilled my bones. I whirled around to see a rather large cat with its hair raised, looking like it was poised to jump at me. I just stared at it, unsure of how to react. Kick it, try to run it out, just stand still?

"Buttercup, get out of here." A voice said from the doorway behind me. I realized that I had left it open, and was surprised to see Katniss standing there, arms crossed, glaring at the cat as if it understood what she was saying. The animal hissed again, this time at her. She responded with a roll of her eyes. "Get out." She moved like she was going to chase him, and he took flight, making his way back through the door and out into the cold. My heart sunk in my chest, and I tried to keep the obvious guilt out of my voice.

"Thanks for rescuing me. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle that beast." I said sarcastically.

She gave a fake chuckle. "It's Prim's cat. Knows we live in the Victor's Village but still comes here like eventually we'll move back. He's the only one besides me that prefers this danky shack to our new accomidations." I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just stood leaned back against the table. "Gale called this morning." She spoke up, finally diverting her eyes from a particularly interesting spot on the ground.

It had been six days since I had ripped the phone out of the wall. I don't think Peeta really cared, or maybe he was just biting the bullet so I wouldn't have to deal with it. "O really." Was all I said back.

"So I wondered why, why would Gale call my mother's house? To look for me? But he doesn't know I'm here, why wouldn't he just call Peeta? To get some nursing advice? Well why wouldn't he ask a doctor in thirteen." Her eyes narrowed, and I could feel her gaze on me. "Desperation. That was the answer. So I asked him why, and he told me everything. Weird that I had to hear it from him."

I set the book down. "I tried to tell you. I came to the door and asked to talk to you, but Prim said you didn't want to see anyone."

"I would've seen you."

"That's a lie. I heard her trying to convince you, but you were having none of it." I sighed. "I know you're going through a lot, and I didn't want to burden you with my problems."

She clenched her jaw. "You're supposed to come to me with your problems. We're friends, that's what we do."

"Are we?" I asked darkly. "Friends, I mean?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"We never talk Katniss. Occasionally I get you to smile, but it fades so quickly sometimes I think I'm imagining it. I'm lucky if you say three words to me, and anytime I try to talk to you about something, you shut me out. I'm trying to help you, but it's like you don't want to deal with the problems right in front of you. You've put up this impenetrable wall, and you're determined to do whatever you can to keep people out." I didn't want to be yelling at her, not after last night.

Ignoring my question, she kept talking about Gale. "Who did you talk to?" I let out a disgusted sigh. "Or did you just go back to your room and do exactly what you just scorned me for?"

I thought for a second, unsure of how to respond to this. All of a sudden, the moments I shared with Peeta that night seemed odd. We were friends, but it had been closer than that. I thought back to a moment last week, before the Gale thing had even started.

At the time, it didn't make sense. I was just helping Peeta recuperate. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that her accusations had substance. From the outside, it looked like I was moving in on him, trying to be with him. Now that Gale was gone, I could see that even more, but I wasn't trying to. I was just being a friend, and he didn't have anyone else right now. "Well?" Her voice brought me back to the present.

"No, I didn't." I answered, remembering her question. "When I got back, I sort of went ballistic. I broke down, and I don't remember most of it, but I know Peeta was there, and I talked to him." Her eyes narrowed, and I wasn't sure how she was processing it. I needed to tell her. I tried to gather the courage, knowing that our friendship was likely over. Maybe she would understand, maybe.

"He told me Peeta told him off." The edge crept into her voice. "That's why he was calling, to see if I could talk to you. He said Peeta told him that he was a selfish asshole who didn't deserve you. They were 'strong words' as Gale put it, and he wanted to know why Peeta was so angry. I guess because his friend was hurting right?"

The guilt was written right in my eyes. We had been through too much to hide it. "I…I need to tell you something Katniss." I could see tears well up in her eyes, the first real emotion that wasn't anger that I had seen in weeks. My throat started closing, and pain crept into my heart. I could physically feel the guilt weighing me down. "Last night, when we got back from your house, I confronted Peeta about how he had been acting towards me. I just didn't know…I didn't know what was going on with him. I still don't. And…well…he kissed me. I don't think it meant anything. He's confused right now, missing you and lost and hurt."

She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. The tense stare between us was about to make me explode. I wanted her to yell, scream, fight. Anything besides the look of betrayal she was giving me now. "I'm really sorry. It wasn't anything. I stopped it—"

"Get out." She said finally. There was the anger and pain all rolled into one. I knew what she meant. Not of this house. Get out of district twelve. I didn't argue. I just nodded, walking past her and taking off again, sprinting all the way back to the Victor's Village. Once I got there, I could feel the gasps in my chest. The mixture of emotion and physical exhaustion weighed down on me, and I burst through the door in a fury.

I threw everything in the suitcase Gale had sent me from thirteen. I felt a presence at the door but I didn't want to turn and face him. "We need to talk about what happened last night Sydney." Then he seemed to realize I was packing. "Where are you going?" He asked.

"It's time for me to leave." I said, zippering the bag and throwing it over one shoulder, pushing out the doorway past him and wiping away the last of my tears. I set my bag down and started putting my coat on.

"Where are you going?" He asked, panicked. "You can't leave. I need you here. I'm sorry about last night, I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just so confused right now. I don't know what to do without you."

"No." I said, stopping and turning towards him. "You don't know what to do without her." It was the truth. I was just an embodiment of the Katniss he had lost. "And I'm not her Peeta. No matter how hard you try to make me, I will never be Katniss." The tears were back, and I walked over and put my hand on his cheek. I didn't want our friendship to be over, but I had to get out of here. He had to fix things with her, even if it meant me losing them both. "Fix things, Peeta. You need her and she needs you."

"You saw her."

"This morning." I answered truthfully. "I told her, and she was angry, but she'll get over it. Forget about me. Forget about whatever happened here and focus on her. You two are perfect. I'm nothing Peeta."

"Don't say that." He reached out for my hand, but I backed away. Picking up my bag and slinging it over my shoulder. I shook my head, the tears now falling freely. Where was I going to go? Thirteen I guess, but it wasn't home. I was going back to my trainees. And Gale. And Vanessa. The truth was, I had no one. I lost my father, Gale, Katniss, and now Peeta. But it had to be like that. They were better off without me. "Please don't go." His pleas fell on deaf ears as I opened the door.

"Fix it." I said, finally, smiling at him one last time. Katniss was standing outside the patio, an angry look in her eyes. I walked down the steps and looked back at Peeta. "Please." Then I took off threw the drifts of snow, for the first time in my life, having nowhere to go.


	14. Chapter 14

SYDNEY'S POV

My room had never felt so empty. When I opened the door and walked in, I half expected Gale to be there, waiting for me with flowers and that adorable grin, but then I remembered that the happiness was over. If he was there, I would've kicked him out. Sighing, I set my suitcase down in my room and sat on my bed. The train ride back had almost been worse than the hovercraft ride there. I didn't really think about anything, just kept myself from crying and tried to harden my heart against the realities I was about to face.

I heard the phone ring and nearly jumped out of my skin. I hadn't realized just how quiet it was in here, and the sudden noise was alarming. Walking over to the kitchen, I glanced at the caller I.D., and when I saw Peeta's face show up on the screen, I pulled my hand away from the receiver. I had to forget about them. The only way they were going to heal was if I went away. So I walked out of the apartment before the answering machine picked up, not wanting his voice to convince me to pick up the phone.

I decided to head to the training center first. It was nearly eight o'clock, so they should be in the middle of a session. Better to face the Gale and Vanessa issue head on rather than put it off. Besides, it was my job to be there. A job I had been neglecting for the past month. As I made my way down the long hallways of thirteen, passing by guards and lieutenants and the like, waving mindlessly and trying to force a smile when I saw people I knew, I realized there was no reason to pretend. These people weren't my friends. I had no one, so there was no reason to fake being happy when I wasn't. There was no one for me to answer to, so I was going to embrace that.

When I reached the training doors, I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what was to come. At least my recruits would be there. I meant something to them. The heavy door creaked as I opened it. I walked down the corridor to the elevator and took the long ride below ground to our secretive training center. It had been longer than I thought, and I was glad to be back to the routine. It would take my mind off of things.

The elevator doors opened and I walked up to the top of the overlook where the instructors stood. I couldn't hear the normal noises that indicated training was taking place, so I quickened my pace. I thought they may have had the day off, but I heard vague voices when I got closer. There was nothing I could have done to prepare me for what I saw.

Standing in front of me in the recruit area were two people. Brooke Anderson, and Chase, the strong boy with the piercing green eyes. They looked different, taller and broader, and at first I thought maybe it was just that I hadn't seen them in a while, but a closer look made me realize that wasn't it. Chase's eyes were no longer that piercing green. They were a pale blue color, so pale it almost looked white. The way they were holding themselves made it seem like they could barely stand, or that they felt awkward in their own bodies. Where were the rest of them? Where was Autumn?

"Sydney?" Gale's voice pulled me out of my trance. I didn't understand what was happening.

"Where is everyone?" I snapped at him, refusing to look his way. I could hear the astonishment in his voice, and knew Vanessa was standing there next to him. I didn't want to face them. "What's going on Gale?"

There was no answer, so I turned to him and glared. His eyes were trained on me, but there was a sad look in them. It was more than guilt, though I saw that there too. "I tried to tell you…" He said, his gaze averting away from our trainees. "You didn't pick up my calls." I shot him an angry look and almost started to speak, but he held up his hands, "Which is understandable. But the administration called. They sped up the experimental process. They said we needed them to be augmented now, that we couldn't wait another month. So they did it, despite my best protests. I'm not the head of the program, so I really don't have any say. The doctors said they were ready. They said that they had the serum and the necessary boosters."

"Where are they, Gale?" I asked, my voice trembling.

"They're…they were—"

"Weeded out." Brooke said, interrupting him. I turned back towards her. The look on her face said it all. Pain and shock and anger racked her features. I knew what that meant. Fifty recruits had been sent to me. Two survived. I should've trained them harder. I should've been here to tell the doctors they weren't ready, or to hold their hands through the pain. There must have been something I could have done. Some way to get them through it, but it was too late now. Fourty eight of my recruits were dead. I had failed. There was no other way to put it.

Trying not to let the emotions show on my face, I let the news sink in. I was their leader, their mentor. I couldn't let them lose hope. Not now. There were two options. We could scrap the program and send them off to finish healing and just try to assimilate into society. That would be the easy way. The least painful way. But then what was the sacrifice for? Why did all of those kids have to die? No. That couldn't be done. I made a choice, to be stronger. This was all I had. This program was all I had left, and I wasn't going to let anything happen to these kids. I was going to make them stronger. Better. I was going to help them overcome this.

"This is a hard day." I addressed them solemnly. "You'll have a lot of questions. I don't know if I'll have a lot of answers, but I'm going to do everything I can. First thing after I leave here I'll talk to the doctors. We'll see how long before you're fighting fit, and then we'll continue with the post op program." It had all been laid out before we started. "If that isn't what you want, feel free to leave. That's always been the policy. I only want you here if you want to be here. You've become soldiers, but most of all you've become survivors. You're friends died, but it doesn't have to be in vain. The goal of this program was to help us defeat our enemy, and defeat them we will."

They looked exhausted. I wondered how long it took them to just wake up this morning. They had gone to hell and back, and it showed. Gale spoke up. "This is their first day out of the hospital. The doctors haven't told us much of anything, because they didn't expect it to have such a high fail rate. A few deaths were expected, but not this. They're unsure of the side effects of the treatments or when they'll get better."

"Go get some sleep." I said softly. "You need it."

"To be honest," Autumn spoke up, "That's all we've done for the past three days. Slept. I'm tired, but I'm sick of doing nothing but sitting and contemplating why I had to survive when all of my friends had to die. Make us do something. Make us forget." _Does it help you forget?_ Peeta's words echoed in my mind. They wanted me to work them out. To do just what I had done for him.

I clapped my hands together. "Ok, but we'll take it easy." I answered. Autumn smirked slightly and Chase's strong look returned to his eyes. Brooke stood up from her seat on the ground.

"Are you sure?" Gale asked.

"It's what they want. It's what they need." I turned away from him without another word and walked towards my recruits. They needed me right now, but more importantly I needed them. As I turned my back to Gale, I knew I wanted to avoid facing him for as long as possible. If I threw myself into this, maybe that would happen. Maybe I could avoid him forever.

"They're not all dead." He said, chasing after me. "There were more survivors, although I wouldn't exactly call all of them alive. Some are just crippled, others are vegetative, but there's hope." My heart jumped and I thought of Autumn. The strong girl from twelve who reminded me so much of what my former best friend used to be. "They're in the hospital, I can show you if you want—"

"I think I know the way." I said quickly.

I heard him sigh. "Sydney, we need to talk. Please just let me explain to you. Let me apologize." His words faded into nothingness as I rushed to the hospital. I swear half of my life recently was spent in a hospital.

It wasn't hard to find out where they were staying. Apparently there were ten of them. Three were vegetables, just as Gale had said. They would survive, but wouldn't live. Three others had mental disabilities which made them unable to function in normal society. The part of the experimental drugs which altered their thought processes and was supposed to improve reaction times had destroyed their brain cells, and they could barely speak or sit up on their own. One girl who I think was from district two was functional, but she had a terrible stutter and suffered from hourly seizures. Another of the remaining four suffered from delusions and bipolar disorder so severe that he had tried to kill himself twice in the six days since the end of the operation. Yet another of the remaining four was unable to control her muscles, plagued by the drugs that were supposed to increase their mass and make her stronger.

Finally, and to my relief, the last bed in the hospital wing belonged to Autumn Collie. I found out that out of the recruits that had survived, she was the closest to making it all the way through, excluding Brooke and Chase. Her cognitive abilities had been increased ten fold, along with her reaction time, eyesight, and hearing. Her muscle mass had increased, but unfortunately, she had suffered the most painful affliction of all those who were currently bedridden. A serum that was supposed to make their bones more dense and much stronger than average malfunctioned and didn't interact with her body like it was supposed to, resulting in all of the bones below her waist snapping or shattering into pieces.

I pulled back the curtain, and her head was laid back against a pillow, eyes staring off into the ceiling above her. At first I thought they had just failed to mention she had brain damage, until she turned her head to me and gave me a sarcastic smile, "Hey lieutenant Harper. Glad you could make it." I sensed the bitterness in voice, and suddenly, I realized she reminded me more of Katniss than every, but not in a good way. She was going through the transition, and I needed to stop it.

"Hey, Autumn." She struggled to sit up, wimpering in pain at the slight movement of her legs. They were casted completely, and the nurse told me it had taken nearly twenty surgeries to get her legs back into order. The separation of the lowest of the disks in her back had been the worst part, because she had almost been paralyzed. Recovery had to be careful as to not aggravate that injury. "I would ask how you are, but that seems like a silly question."

This got a laugh. "I would say so." Her smile dropped off quickly. The sadness was written across her face. "Where were you?" She asked, looking up at me.

"Taking care of a friend." _Or so I thought._ I didn't repeat the second part to her.

"Katniss?" She asked. I could hear a peak of interest creeping into her tone. "Gale told us that's who it was."

I nodded my head. "Yeah she's going through a rough time."

"I can relate." A frustrated sigh followed. "It's just not fair, you know? Why did Brooke and Chase get to come out of this with nothing more than a bad cold? I'm sitting here crippled, probably unlikely to ever fight again, while they get to walk around like super heroes."

This surprised me. Autumn didn't seem like a jealous person, but I guess anyone in her situation would be. "The doctor's told me there's a chance." I said, hopefully. "They said that you could make a full recovery. The rest of the treatments worked, and if your bones heal, you could possibly fight."

"By when?" She said, disgusted. "Next year when we've already lost whatever battle you were training us for." I must have looked surprised. "You thought we didn't know? It became like a game. Guessing what mission you were prepping us for. I never figured it out, but I guess it doesn't matter. I'm sure two people isn't enough for what you had in mind." _Twenty thousand wouldn't be enough._ I thought, but I just nodded. "Not like it matters. I'm nothing now, no one."

"Wow. Seems like someone has a load of self pity." Her gaze jumped up to mine, looking surprised at the reality of my statement. "Did you really think I was going to baby you Autumn? To tell you that everything was going to be ok? Then you didn't learn anything about your commander in the months we spent together." This drew a dark look, but an acknowledgment. "It's not going to be easy. It's going to be painful, but I don't think anything in your life has been easy. Sometimes the hand we're dealt isn't fair, isn't right, but there comes a point where you have to stop dwelling on what's wrong, and start working to make it right again. The only way to feel better is to move on, because living in the past isn't really living, is it?"

She didn't seem to have a response, so I said a soft goodbye, and left her to dwell on my words. The entire walk back to my room, I wondered about what I had said. I didn't know where that came from, but I wish I could have thought to say it to Katniss. It probably would have helped. Or maybe it would have pushed her away even more, who knows. Stepping into my apartment, I felt an overwhelming sadness. The emptiness hit me again, and I walked towards the phone. I hesitated at the receiver, pulling my hand back when I realized that I didn't have anyone to call.

I decided to make myself some food. I hadn't eaten all day, and it was nearly ten o'clock. Not like you could tell night from day in this underground prison of a district, but the digital clocks told me all I needed to know. My whole life, it had been ok to be alone, but now that I knew what it was like to love people, to have people close to your hear, I knew what it was like to lose them all, and I didn't want to be alone. It was fine when I knew there were other options, that if I wanted to call someone I could, but right now, I had never felt more empty.

I didn't realize how much Gale had hurt me. Giving my heart to someone hadn't been easy, and I had loved him more than anything. Pushing the pain away had been easy, but now it was catching up to me. Part of me wanted to forgive him, but I couldn't lose my dignity like that. It was pathetic. He had hurt me and I didn't want someone like that in my life. _You weren't here._ His words echoed in my head. It was true. I hadn't been. I had been around Peeta, helping him, helping Katniss. I hadn't realized until now just how much I had ignored him. Then the death of the recruits must have crushed him, just like it was crushing me now. The feeling of failure could kill you.

Suddenly, a knock on my door pulled me from my thoughts. I got up to answer it, and was surprised to find Brooke there. She stood in my doorway awkwardly. "Brooke, what are you doing here?" I asked, my voice cracking from stress and lack of use.

"I uh.." she searched around for the right words. "I was just wondering what time we were supposed to be at training tomorrow. You didn't mention it exactly and I just want to know and I uhm…just want to be clear. Get back to training and stuff you know."

"Eight o'clock sharp. I was planning on letting you rest." I looked at her skeptically.

She started to turn away slightly. "Thanks. I'll be there." She didn't leave right away though, and I knew something was wrong.

"You didn't come here to ask me that, did you Brooke? You could've called." Caught in an awkward lie, she started to blush and come up with an excuse. "Don't get me wrong, you're welcome here anytime, but you need to be honest with me. What's going on?"

I sensed the breakdown coming. Tears brimmed on her strangely pale blue eyes. She didn't just look drained, she looked broken. Like every joy in the world had been ripped away from her. I couldn't even imagine what was going on in her head. "Why me?" Voice quivering. "Why…why did they have to die? They didn't deserve it. I deserve it. It's not fair." I reached my arms out for her and she buried her head in my neck. It seemed like fairness wasn't being handed out a lot these days.

I pulled her into my apartment and sat her down on the couch, just like Peeta had done to me those short six days ago. "I just want to go back to before that. I want to say no to all of this."

"Trust me, I think about that sometimes too." What was I talking about though? This mission to train the recruits, my decision to become part of the army, joining squad 451? All of it. Sometimes I regretted all of it. "I visited Autumn today. She seems to be going through the same things you are. Try to focus on what could have been. You could be crippled, or worse. Be thankful."

She rolled her eyes through the tears. "Easy for you to say. I visited Autumn too. She wouldn't even talk to me. I feel bad, because I shouldn't live while she has to suffer."

"Friendships get tested a lot." The irony in the statement amazed me. "But you have to get through it. True friendship can survive much more than you think." Can it? I wasn't so sure I believed my own words.

Her eyes narrowed and she sunk back into my couch. "You sound so sure." The sarcasm dripped from her words, but she ignored my less than confident answer. "I guess I just don't want to go back there."

"Where?"

"The hospital. It's where they're keeping Chase and I. To 'monitor our reactions and side effects.' Really its just depressing. I have to walk past all of these people who are in pain while I got off to live a semi-normal life. It sucks."

"Stay here." I said. She looked at me out of the corner of her, assessing if I was serious. "The couch pulls out. It's relatively comfortable, and I'm alone here, so I could use…" I hesitated. "It would be fine for you to stay." I was supposed to be this girls mentor. I couldn't let her know I was struggling.

She shrugged. "Thanks, that'd be awesome actually. It's been weeks since I've had a good night's sleep. Maybe a soft bed will help." I smiled and got her pillows and blankets to crash on my couch. As I turned off the light to the hallway and walked towards my own room, I realized how glad I was Brooke was here. We weren't friends, it was more of an older sister younger sister relationship, but there was something comforting about another person being here. It was even more comforting in a strange, selfish way, to know that I wasn't the only one suffering. That there was someone there to share the loneliness.

KATNISS' POV

Being in my own mind was unbearable. Every thought I had was either bitter, angry, self-loathing, or hurtful. I couldn't stand being nice to anyone or interacting with people other than my mother and Prim. The accident had been enough. Then the betrayal made it so much worse.

I didn't listen to Peeta's apologies. He had knocked on my door, stood outside on the porch in the freezing cold, talked to my mother and sister when I wouldn't answer, and still I said nothing to him. The pain was still there, but the worst part was admitting that I missed him. That I wanted to forgive him, but it seemed impossible. Why did he have to do that? It didn't make any sense, and he knew it would hurt me. He hurt me.

My days were even more monotonous now than they were before. I barely left my house, and when I did I avoided eye contact with everyone. The loneliness was starting to get to me, but I had to remind myself that I deserved it. That I needed it. There was something wrong with me, there had to be. I was destructive and I hurt everyone around me. The accident had taught me that. It was an awful thing for me to do, getting pregnant. I knew something bad would happen to that child, and I was right. I wish they could have saved him. They should've just let me die, but just like every other time, someone didn't want to just let me die.

I knew my mother was starting to sense it. She would give me strange looks, and she kept trying to overcompensate. The guilt of not being available when the accident happened, and the reality that I could have died, seemed to kick her motherly instinct into overdrive. She waited on me hand and foot, and I had to admit it was starting to annoy me. I knew she was just trying to help, but at this point, I didn't think anything could help me. I was surprised at how understanding she was, and how she truly got what was wrong with me. To be honest, we were closer than ever, even closer than after the first games, but it wasn't right. I wasn't me.

Finally, about ten days after Sydney had left district twelve, something inside of me changed, and it was thanks to my mother. I was cleaning up after lunch, clearing plates and putting things in our dishwasher. Outside the window, Peeta walked by, shooting a longing glance at our door, and even hesitating as if he wanted to stop by, but eventually he shook his head and turned away, walking towards town. If things had happened differently, would I be with him? Would we be walking hand in hand towards the market, with no longing glances at my mother's door? Would Sydney be visiting, happiliy telling us about whatever task she was working on?

"You should talk to him." My mother appeared behind me, setting a bread basket on the counter. "Listen to what he has to say. I understand your angry, but that boy loves you, and you shouldn't just throw that away."

"How am I supposed to forgive him? After everything that happened to me, he went and made it worse. He…he fell in love with someone else."

"I don't think it is what you think it is. He doesn't love Sydney. He never did." She put her hand on my shoulder and I whirled around to face her, cocking an eyebrow. I didn't want to hear her defending him. "But you wouldn't know that, because all you did was push him away. You pushed them both away, honey. No matter how hard they tried to help you, no matter how understanding they were, you were bitter and angry. You moved out of your house and refused to speak more than two sentences to him. He was hurt. He thought you didn't want him anymore. So he tried to replace you, but obviously it didn't work. It never could. I'm not saying it's your fault, but it was like you two weren't even married, the way you treated him."

The realization hit me like a brick wall. She was right. Everything she was saying was one hundred percent true. It wasn't my fault, but I was to blame for some of it. I hadn't been the only one going through something, but I had shut him out. He tried to comfort me, and I should have let him in. I should have been there for him, but I wasn't. Sydney was. "Love like that doesn't come along, ever. That's a love you fight for, a love you survive for. Don't let it slip away. I couldn't bare it. You two give me hope, that maybe there is something to live for in this world."

I looked at her skeptically. "Since when have you started giving wise motherly advice?" I quipped.

"Since you started needing it." She answered, kissing me on the forehead and walking out of the kitchen. I shook my head at the situation. Thinking it over and staring at the spot where Peeta had been just minutes earlier, I knew I had a decision to make. Fifteen minutes later, I was out the door, coat and boots on, headed towards town to save the love worth fighting for.

I found him in Sae's restaurant. He was sitting facing me, but his head was staring down at the food in front of him, politely nodding at the words coming from a girl sitting across from him. Delly Cartwright. I recognized her from behind. Jealously flared up inside of me, but I reeled it in when I remembered the exchange he and Sydney had a while ago about her being in love with Peeta. Instead, I put a smirk on my face and walked over to their table.

I put my hand on the side of the booth. They both turned to look at me suddenly, Delly's face dropping and the words trailing from her mouth. She honestly looked scared, and that made me pity her. Peeta looked ecstatic to see me, but also nervous. "Hey guys." I faked enthusiasm. I wasn't threatened by Delly, but it was time she learned her place. "What are you talking about?"

Stumbling over her words, Delly started to explain, but Peeta cut in. "Delly was just inviting me to a town hall party. She was explaining the theme." His eyes widened, and I smiled at the obviously exaggerated enthusiasm he had that Delly seemed to buy. My smile seemed to encourage him, because his gaze stayed trained on me.

"That sounds…fun. But Delly would you mind if I talked to Peeta alone for like….a long time?" I stepped to the side of the booth so she could get out, clenching my jaw and giving her my best pissed off face. I could be intimidating when I needed to be.

"Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I'll go. See you guys later." Her face was beat red when she left.

I took her place in the booth. "She seems scared of me." I said to Peeta, my head following her out the door and watching her walk down the street.

"Absolutely terrified." He chuckled nervously and I turned back to face him. "Thanks for rescuing me though. She really never shuts up."

"Well I mean, I can only handle so much competition at a time. I'm eliminating them one by one." It was supposed to be a joke, but also a warning. That I acknowledged what happened, and that it still wasn't ok.

He looked at his plate, hurt. "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. It can't begin to describe it. I'm an idiot and I didn't mean anything by it. I missed you so much and I thought you hated me. I thought you were going to ignore me forever, and I just latched on to the first thing around me. I've been trying to tell you this for so long, and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I need you to know that I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I don't deserve you."

I felt bad, listening to him beat himself up, so I grabbed his hands. He seemed so shocked by the contact, and part of me hated myself for that. "Peeta. Don't. What you did was wrong, yeah, but I'm not exactly innocent." Swallowing my pride, I continued, "I was an absolute bitch to you. The way I treated you was wrong, and I'm sorry too. I can't forgive you, not right now, but I understand. And I hope you can forgive me, for how I acted."

"Of course." His eyes quivered with intense emotion. They were so blue. It had been so long since I had looked at them. "You went through something awful."

"That's not an excuse." The frustration showed, but it was aimed at myself, not at him. "I just…I thought it would be easier to push you away. I had hurt you so badly, and I didn't know how to apologize. I didn't know how to make up for it. I could tell that you were devastated, and knowing it was my fault killed me."

"What do you mean your fault?"

"It's my fault. That our child…died. I know how much you loved him, even before he was born, but all your dreams were gone because of me. I was hurt, but the guilt was worse. I never meant to hurt you like that." The tears welled in my eyes, and I let them fall. "I'm sorry."

"Don't. Don't say that. It's not your fault. It was an accident. It was that driver's fault, not yours." He got up to sit in the booth next to me, and I rested my head on his shoulder. He rubbed my arm lovingly, and my heart ached when I realized how much I had missed this. How much I had missed him.

I wiped my eyes. "Why are we so messed up?"

He sighed. "I don't know. But at least we have each other."

"I want to fix this. Us. It won't be easy. We've been through a lot, but I can't lose you. I need you."

"You'll never lose me, Katniss. Never."

"It'll take time…"

"I would wait until the day I died just to hear you tell me you loved me again." His face was serious, and I didn't know how to respond. I did love him, but there was so much to fix. "No pressure, trust me, just know that I'll wait for you forever." I smiled at him, glad to have him back in my life.

PEETA'S POV

We walked back to the village together for the first time in nearly two months. It was the most wonderful feeling, to have her by my side. Katniss looked off into the distance wistfully, the pain of her situation still weighing on her. She smiled at an old friend of ours from school, waving and saying hello. He answered hesitantly, giving her an odd look. "Why was he so surprised?" She said, dismayed. "That I said hello to him?"

I laughed. She really had been out of it. "You haven't exactly been the most friendly person for the past two months. People aren't used to you saying hello." Nodding, she acknowledged the truth.

"Yeah, I guess I need to repair more relationships than I thought." Then, she grabbed my hand. It took me by surprise, but I forced myself not to pull back. That would discourage her, and her hand in mine made me feel better than I had since the last morning before the accident. She played with my fingers, a small smile playing at her lips. It was infectious, and I found myself grinning from ear to ear, and I knew I must have looked like an idiot.

We didn't say much on the way to the village. We didn't need to, oddly enough. It was comfortable, but awkward at the same time. It was like one of us had been on vacation for a long time, and we needed to readjust to being around each other. Katniss mused about her mother and sister's whereabouts when we got closer to her house. She slowed down outside her door, and I decided to just go for it. "Do you want to come over?" I asked. "For tea or coffee or something? Just to talk or not talk to watch TV or something? Warm up?"

She didn't react at first, then the smile returned to her lips. "That's be amazing, actually. I'm freezing." I lead her back to the house. It was an odd feeling. Like I was falling in love with her all over again, and we were back to our first date.

We got inside and I shut the door hurriedly, taking her jacket from her and hanging it and my own. "I'll go get us some tea. Just, make yourself at home." I joked. She rolled her eyes playfully and flopped on the couch, picking up a magazine.

I went into the kitchen and put on a kettle with water. I liked to brew it the old fashioned way. Suddenly, the phone rang, and I went over and answered without even glancing at the caller ID. "Hello?" I said, distracted.

"Peeta?" The voice on the other line was frantic, and not one I expected to hear. There were muffled noises in the background. "No calm down. It's going to be ok, just go back to sleep." I heard her say.

"Sydney?" Suspicious crept into my tone. I hadn't expected her to call, ever. She had been ignoring me since she left, so I figured it was over. This was terrible timing, with Katniss and I just getting back to knowing each other, but she sounded scared, so I didn't hang up. "What's going on?"

"Peeta, it's starting. The attacks."

"What are you saying?"

"Turn your TV on. Go turn it on to the news, or any channel I'm sure they're showing it."

"Syd…I don't know—"

"Do it! We don't have much time."

I went into the living room and grabbed the remote. Katniss looked up from the magazine she was reading, confused. I flicked the TV on and changed to a news channel. To my horror, I saw district seven, burning down like a scene from a terrible movie. The buildings were lit on fire, and people were running around screaming. You could see explosions still happening on the screen, and a government force trying to fight off these bombers and soldiers, only to get annihilated.

The reporter flashed on the screen. "A video has been sent from our attackers." A picture flashed on the screen of a tall man with jet black hair streaked with grey and blazing green eyes. Eyes I had seen before. "The man in this photo talks of how we must surrender to their forces or die trying. We haven't been able to obtain the full footage, but the government and President Kane assure us they are doing everything they can. The man has been identified as former rebellion leader Bruce Harper, father of military lieutenant and former politician Sydney Harper." Sydney's picture appeared on the screen.

"Sydney…what's going on?" The fear spread through my body like the fires in district seven.

"Listen to me. I need you to listen. Pretend like you never heard anything I said about my father. Pretend like you never knew, or they'll take you too."

"Take me? What do you mean?" I heard crashes in the background. "What's going on over there?"

"They think I'm a traitor. Finnick tipped me off, but I won't be here for long. They're going to question you and probably Katniss. Tell her you knew if you want, I don't really care, but both of you need to lie, or you'll be here with me." More bangs and shouts.

"What can I do? How can I help?"

"Don't." The panic rose in her voice. "Don't do anything. Just pretend like you were clueless. Please. You need to protect yourself." Finally, I heard her answering back. "Goodbye Peeta. I don't know if I'll see you again. I'm sorry for everything that happened. Don't believe what they tell you about me. You know who I am. You know." Then the line clicked dead.

"Sydney?!" I shouted at the phone, like that would make a difference. "Hello? Sydney?!" Finally, I let the phone fall. Katniss was staring at me, but I had almost forgot she was there.

She seemed annoyed, but worried. "What was that?" She asked.

"The invasion. It's started."

"And all that stuff, with her? What was that?"

"That man is her father. He's a traitor. He was the whole time. He was a plant for Extasia, and they think Sydney was in on it. They took her. And she told me about it, when she was talking about Gale. So she was warning me."

"What are you going to do?"

I hated this answer more than anything, but I knew that I had to keep Katniss, and that meant ignoring Sydney. She had told me to hadn't she? Told me to just pretend like I knew nothing? But that wasn't who I was. That wasn't what I would normally do. I looked into Katniss' eyes. She was waiting for me to make a decision. I looked at the phone laying on the couch, then back at her. I made a choice. "Nothing." I said, sitting next to her and putting my head in my hands, the picture of district seven burning playing on the TV. "I'm going to do nothing."


	15. Chapter 15

NOTE: Remember this fic is rated M. ;) Just saying. Also make sure you review!

"You have thirty days to surrender." The man on the screen said. "We'll give you time to think it over, but realize that resistance is futile. After the thirty day time period, we will destroy your districts, one by one, until all that's left standing is your underground fortress. Then we'll come for that too, and instead of just ruling you, we will enslave each and every survivor. Take this initial destruction as a warning. We aren't joking. I'll be awaiting your call." A small, cocky smile was the last thing that I saw on screen until the video ended, and my father's face faded to black.

Putting my head in my hands, I instantly regretted not telling Haymitch and the rest of them as soon as I found out. At the time it had seemed like a good decision, but now, sitting in a dark interrogation room with only a TV to show me how much I had screwed up, I was thinking that it wasn't so good. "What are we going to do Haymitch?"

He sighed. "YOU aren't going to do anything."

"What do you mean?"

"I have to take you in, Sydney. That's why the police came for you. This isn't a joke. Kane is calling you a trader, and as soon as the people find out, they'll riot and call for you to be put on trial. It's easier this way."

"Which way?" I asked angrily.

"To keep you in prison. It's all a formality. I don't think you're guilty, hell, I think your're more devastated by this than we are. Your father was your hero." He ran his hands through his hair. "What I don't understand is why you didn't tell us in the first place. You just told me that you've known about it since you got back from your mission to rescue Gale, so why didn't you come forward?"

I waved my hands around and gave an exasperated sigh. "I was afraid of this! Of being accused of being a traitor. You know I didn't do anything Haymitch. I would do whatever it took to save Panem. Just because my father fooled us all doesn't mean I did."

"I know, Sydney. I know. But everyone else doesn't. Just stay here. It'll be safer for you." He tried to put a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off. After everything I had done for this country, for him, for everyone, this is how I was treated. Guilty until proven innocent. Frowning, he walked out the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

The exhaustion was hitting me. I hadn't slept in nearly thirty six hours, and I knew it was just another interrogation technique. I told them everything, but they didn't believe me. They thought because I had been trained by the academy, I could withstand this and continue to lie. While they were right, it wasn't what I was doing now. I took a deep breath, recounting the events in my head to keep track of what was happening to me.

The police had come yesterday afternoon. Was that yesterday? My concept of time was off. Brooke and I had just been milling about in the room, eating dinner while on break from training when I got a phone call from Finnick. He warned me about the attack, and I turned on the TV, horrified to see that what he was saying was true. The generals had all convened, and he happened to be with Jacobs at the time. Kane called for my arrest once the leader of Extasia was identified as my father. The police were going to come for me, and I may as well tell the truth, he said. I quickly called Peeta and was surprised when he picked up. I didn't want him involved in all of this, so I told him to play dumb. I hoped he listened to what I said and just stayed away, but I knew Peeta's chivalry, and there was a chance that he would come here and try to break me out or do something stupid.

After they took me out of the apartment, despite the protests of a panicked Brooke, I had been put in this interrogation room. For twelve hours I sat alone, with the one blaringly fluorescent light shining down on me and preventing me from sleeping. I wasn't given any food, and they only gave me a single glass of water. I knew the techniques well, and was prepared to be interrogated. When I finally reached the point where I couldn't keep my eyes open, a detective came in and questioned me. When I had told him my story in full, and didn't change it no matter how hard he tried to get me too, he had left. Haymitch had come in a few hours later and showed me the video, and now here I was, about to be sent to prison.

A guard led me out of the room and down a hallway, where I showered and was given a prison uniform. It all felt strangely familiar, and I looked down at the numbers engraved on my arm, shuddering at the memories. This time I was alone, with no Katniss to keep me sane, but I also imagined that I wasn't about to be tortured. I didn't know how long I would be here, but I doubted that the situations were comparable. Still, prison brought up awful memories.

Memories of the questions and the whippings still burned into my head. Eventually it all blurred together, and I stopped remembering from the time they told me to undress to when I woke up in the cell with Katniss. The pain was still there though, and it was one of the many things that kept me up at night. When I finally reached my prison cell, my thoughts were still back in some hole underneath the Capitol.

I was relieved to see that the accomidations were nowhere near what they had been there. The walls were all white instead of bleak grey, and the beds looked soft and comfortable, with clean sheets and a pillowcase. There was a desk with paper and a few books, and the cell door wasn't bars or metal, it was a kind of high tech plastic with a large glass window. The entire room was surprisingly sterile and technological, with a call button to reach the guards. "What kind of prison is this?" I asked the man standing in my doorway.

"This is the reserved wing. High status prisoners only. Trust me, compared to what you'd get down there," he gestured below our feet, "you're in heaven." Then he shut the door and I was alone again. Flopping down on my bed, I thought I was going to be alone with my thoughts for a while, but before I could even realize it, I was falling into a deep sleep that was better than I had had in weeks.

I don't know if it was the fact that I had been up for a day and a half straight, or that everything had finally reached a tipping point and my mind was too exhausted to deal with it all, but I slept better and longer than I had in months. No nightmares, no waking up screaming, and no endless thoughts. Just pure, dark, dreamless sleep. I woke up and dim light still streamed through the window in my cell door. Disoriented, I looked around trying to figure out what time it was, then I remembered I was in prison, and probably didn't have a clock.

I paced around my cell for a while, realizing how different it was to be here alone. Last time, I had someone to talk to, someone to keep me company, to keep my mind off of things. Here, I was completely alone. Not just in the way I had been before prison, but in the way that cut into my soul. There was no one around me, and nothing to distract me.

The first thoughts that ran through my head were angry. I was angry at thirteen, at Haymitch, at my father. How could these people throw me in a cell like some criminal? Then I started thinking about the attack on district seven, and all the people that were dead. Then the message they had sent us. We couldn't surrender. That wasn't an option. I wouldn't let us seem so weak, and somehow I knew the life we would have after we surrendered would be worse than if we were annihilated. Did I even want to help? They had thrown me away, locked me up in here. Why should I help them, when they didn't believe a word I had to say?

I tried to turn my mind off of that, resolving to not help Panem. It had betrayed me after all. I tried to read the books on the shelf, but they were boring and my mind kept wondering. _What time was it? When would someone come for me? Would they ever? _I didn't know if they would let me out of here, or if Kane would figure out a way to convince everyone I was guilty, then I would be doomed. No matter how I tried to distract myself, my thoughts went back to district seven, and trying to figure out a plan. That's what I did after all. I saved people.

A knock on the door made me jump. The silence had defeaned me, but when the door slid open, I was grateful. A guard stood there, a bored expression on his face. It was clear that this wing of the prison didn't get much action, so he had to be bored out of his mind. In fact, as he motioned for me to come out of the cell so I could walk around and go eat, I started to think that I was the only prisoner here. Doors were wide open and beds hadn't been slept in. When I got to the cafeteria, my suspicions were confirmed. There were only three other people milling around. One guard, a young man who looked like he was on some sort of medication dressed in a prisoner uniform, and, to my horror, President Snow.

I turned to my guard. "You let him out?"

He shrugged. "There's only one other prisoner, well two, with you here, so it's not like he can gather an army and rebel. He's an old man, destined to die soon enough."

"He doesn't deserve to be free."

"There's no point in keeping him locked up. Besides, he has to eat."

Then he gestured toward the line, suggesting that I go eat as well. I sighed, angry again. As I walked through the food line, my thoughts turned back to a plan to defeat Extasia. Snow had to know about them. He had to know something that could help. But would I ask? And what if he didn't? Could I stoop that low, to ask Snow for help? Then again, it was something I could do that no one upstairs could. A way to show them my intentions were pure. I struggled with my pride and desperation all the way through line. At first I walked away from him, but then I realized that I had no where else to turn, no where else to go, so I doubled back and before I knew it I was putting my tray down, and sitting there across from him. I could feel the guards stares on me, but I ignored them.

He hesitated for a moment, then a smile crossed his thin lips. "Hello, Ms. Harper. It's so lovely to see you again. I had heard you were to be joining me here. Never would I have pegged you as a trader, but I guess even I can be wrong."

Tightening my grip on my fork, I let the anger wash over me. I had to remain calm when talking to this man. I couldn't lose my head. "It's a formality, Snow. Don't get too excited." I smirked at him and took a bite of chicken. It was delicious. High class prison, isn't that what the guard had called it?

"Ah, I see. The guards seem to be conflicted. One," he pointed to the guy standing next to the door, "seems to think that you and your father have been in contact for a long time, and that the image of your stepmother hating you was a ruse. The other," he gestured to the one who had picked me up at my cell, "thinks you're a hero. That you don't deserve to be here. It's amusing, to listen to them argue, but it's also informative. They seem to think I'm deaf. I know everything that's happening above me because of them, and I'm thankful for that." He took a bite of his food. I didn't know what to say, so I just continued to eat. "So that means," he sipped some water, "that I know why you're here, sitting across from me."

"O really? And why is that?"

"Desperation." His icy stare cut through me, and I just looked at my plate. He was evil, but he was good. He read me like a book, so I decided to be frank with him, there was no point in playing this chess match.

"You could say that."

"You want me to help you defeat the enemy. I warned you, didn't I? Right after you came to visit me last time, I warned you of what was to come. That there was a bigger, badder enemy out there. With me at the helm, they wouldn't dare attack. Our government was too firm, too strong, but the collapse and rebellion opened up a golden opportunity for them. I was never afraid anyway, because I knew that I could stop them if it was necessary."

My head snapped up. I clenched my jaw, swallowing hard. "Yes, Ms. Harper. I do indeed know a way to stop them."

"How?"

He paused for moment, eating some more with a smug smile on his face. "Let's be honest with each other. You know that I'm not going to just tell you."

"Why not?" I asked, smiling. "If Panem goes down, you go down. So you're going to die with the rest of us. If you don't care about this country, don't you at least care about your own life enough to save it?"

"Aren't I going to die anyway?" And there he had me. I was the one who had pushed for him to be executed after all. "No matter who wins this war, I'm going to die. As of right now, that is."

"If we're being honest, then just tell me straight up. No more games. What do you want in exchange for that information?"

A wider smile spread across his face. "Freedom."

I shook my head. "Never." That was one thing I couldn't do. I started to stand up.

"Whatever you say. Just know, you're going to die without this information. You and everyone you love. Your friends are doomed without my help. So what's one life in exchange for thousands?" I stopped. He was right, but I couldn't admit it. I couldn't do that. As I walked away, his voice followed, "think about it, Sydney. Is it worth it?"

That night, I didn't sleep. There was no dreamless bliss, only confused rage. I wrestled with Snow's words, playing them over and over again in my head. I didn't want to free him. He deserved to die for what he did to me, to Katniss, to all those kids for generations before me. But if we all died, what was the point? Of the rebellion, of everything that I had done up to this point. Who was I saving if we all died anyway? It all meant nothing if Extasia won. We would be worse off than we ever had been, but I couldn't let him go. Giving him the satisfaction of outsmarting me wouldn't happen. Panem. Snow. Panem. Snow. The fate of the country against my own personal vengeance. But it wasn't just me. It was everyone who had died in the games. I wished I could talk to Katniss. She would help. She would know what to do.

The next day, they got me for breakfast. Snow was sitting there in the same spot, a smug grin on his face. I made my way over to him, knowing the decision I had to make. Setting my tray down, I looked him in the eyes. "This is not for you, and I'm going to hate myself for the rest of my life for doing it."

He nodded. "Sometimes you just have to do what needs to be done. Sacrifices must be made to reach the goal." I gripped the table hard. I wanted to kill him here and now, but I had made my decision. "So. Where do you want to start?"

KATNISS' POV

Living became a lot easier with Peeta in my life. It had started small. We would eat breakfast together or dinner. Watch a movie or TV. He would bake me bread. Sometimes we would just walk. Those were the best times. Walking around the village holding his hand. For brief moments, it was like things were returning to normal, but then I would get sad again, and even Peeta couldn't stop the darkness from closing in.

Every day was better than the last. Today had been particularly amazing. We had gone to Sae's and eaten lunch, then visited Gale's mother and siblings and run errands for my mom. After we dropped groceries off at my house, it was back to the village for dinner, where I laughed for the first time in months. Cracking up at a story Peeta was telling, I felt a tear stream down my cheek that wasn't from sadness. His face lit up and he stopped talking. "What?" I gasped between guffaws. "What's wrong?"

"I just…I forgot how beautiful your laugh was." I calmed my breathing down and just smiled at him. It felt good to laugh. I felt free when I did. Happy. I reached across the table and grabbed his hand. Sitting there, laughing with him and holding his hand, I realized that I wanted more from him. I couldn't stop staring at his lips, missing how they felt against mine. It was like falling in love all over again, and it was the most incredible feeling in the world.

Just as I was about to tell him this, my attention was distracted my someone walking into the restaurant. There weren't many options in twelve, but we were in the nicest restaurant that had been built here. This kid looked rich, like he was important or worth something. He also looked familiar. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew him. Somehow I knew him. It was bothering me, and when he looked over at me and his eyes widened, my curiosity was killing me. The host led him and his date past our table, and I couldn't help but stop him. "Excuse me, I know this is odd, but do I know you? You look so familiar, and it's really bothering me." I let out a small laugh to hide my curiosity.

"Uhm…I don't think so." He turned away nervously, but it was too suspicious.

"Are you sure? I swear I know you from somewhere." I could feel Peeta eyes on me, staring at me curiously. "I've seen you. Your face."

"You must have me mistaken for someone else." He said finally, turning his back on me.

"Craig!" A voice called out for him from behind me. The mayor's son ran over and clapped a hand on the kid's back. "Wait up man, why the rush?" He turned to Peeta and I and his face dropped. "O…hey guys. How's it going?" He gave us a nervous smile. The mayor's son. Suddenly, my eyes widened, and I knew.

"It was you." The fear must have been obvious, because he took a step away from me. "You're the guy who was driving the car. The one that hit me. They said…they said they couldn't find you. They couldn't figure out whose car it was. So I didn't know…but I'm sure it was you."

"I'm…I'm sorry. I think you're mistaken."

"No. Don't tell me I'm wrong. I could never forget your face." The anger set it. "So you just ran away. I almost died and you just ran away."

"I'm sorry. I don't know—"

Peeta stood up. I could tell this wasn't going to end well. "Tell the truth." He said menacingly. "Was it you, driving that car?"

Craig looked back and forth between us and the mayor's son. He shook his head. "Just admit it man." I heard him whisper.

"It was an accident. I panicked. Look, I'm really sorry. I'll pay for anything—" He never got to finish, because Peeta's fist connected with his jaw.

"You think money makes up for that?" Another smack. A shove. The kid didn't fight back. I don't know if its because he knew he was wrong or he was just afraid. He was the same age as we are, but Peeta was stronger and bigger. I put my hand over my mouth. Part of me wanted to stop him, but another part of me couldn't stop thinking about how this kid deserved it.

Before I knew it, Peeta was on top of him, repeatedly punching him in the face. The mayor's son ran to call security or something. Two large men in suits came over and pulled Peeta off of him. They pushed him out, and I followed quickly. As soon as we were out the door, Peeta tried to push back in, but I grabbed his arm. "Let's just go." I whispered. I could see the rage still built up in his face, and he turned away from me.

As we walked through the snow, a trail of blood dripped from his hands. I bit my lip and sighed. I couldn't fight the happy feeling when Peeta had defended me like that. I knew he would, of course, but I loved him so much for it. We walked back to the house in silence while I let him cool off. When we walked through the door, I urged him to sit on the couch. "Just stay here. We have to fix your hand." He nodded begrudgingly.

I got a towel and dampened it. "Hold this on your hand while I get some bandages." Living with my mother had helped a little. I got some white bandages and medicine to fight off infection. Sitting on the couch and wrapping his hand, I couldn't help but smile.

"Why are you smiling?" He asked, wincing as I put the medicine over the lacerations in his knuckles.

"I just….thank you. For defending me."

He looked taken aback. "I would've killed him if they had let me. For what he did to you. I can't believe someone would just run away. You almost died." I finished wrapping his hand. He shook his head as he talked, and I felt my heart swelling. "I almost lost you. I never want to go through that again, and if they had let me, he wouldn't have left there breathing. No one hurts you like that—"

I kissed him. I didn't realize I was doing it, but the way he was talking and how he had fought for me made it a natural response. His lips were so soft and warm, and I realized just how much I had missed them. I could feel his frown turn into a surprised smile as he kissed me back. I moved closer to him and he put his not injured hand on the back of my head, pulling me closer to him. I needed this. I needed him, and I had no idea how I had gone the past two months without him. A single tear of joy rolled down my cheek. No darkness could destroy this moment.

He pulled away, concerned. "What? What's wrong, Kat?"

"I love you." I said as his thumb wiped the tear from my cheek.

"That's wrong?" He joked. I laughed, gasping for air. I hadn't felt this happy in so long, it felt like my chest was caving in. "I'm joking, I'm joking. I love you too." He kissed me again. "So much."

I wanted more. Now that I had kissed him, I knew that wasn't enough. Straddling his lap, I moved my lips to his neck. I felt his breath hitch and his hands tightened on my hips. "Katniss…" he moaned against my ear. I smiled and reached for his jacket, slipping it off over his arms. As I unbuttoned his shirt, I kissed his collarbone and his chest, grinding my hips against his. "That's not fair." He groaned, but I could hear the smile on his lips. He flipped me over so he was laying on top of me, pressing his body into mine. He moved his hand under my dress, slipping his fingers underneath my underwear and inside of me. I exhaled, moaning against his mouth. I had forgotten how good this felt. My hands pulled on his hair and he kissed my neck as I moved my hips against his hand. I couldn't think. I didn't want to. I just wanted to feel this good forever. "Peeta." He moved his thumb against my clit and I gasped, shuddering against him. He pulled back, teasing me. I groaned and pushed against his chest. "Please."

He smirked seductively. "Upstairs?" He whispered into my ear. I nodded and he pushed himself off of me. I followed him up the stairs and grabbed his hand at the top, pushing him against the wall, my hand unzipping his pants feverishly. He quickly kicked them off as I pressed myself against him and reached my hand down, stroking him through his underwear.

His knees buckled and he leaned against the wall, but I pulled away and grabbed his hand, my lips still glued to his. He lifted my dress over my head and unclipped my bra, throwing them both across the room. I sat down on the bed and pulled him on top of me, lifting his shirt off over his head. His bare skin felt so good against mine, and I smiled at him as he kicked his boxers off over the end of the bed.

Without hesitating, he thrust into me. I arched my back and felt my eyes roll back into my head. This was amazing, and I had no idea how I went without it. My hips moved in perfect rhythm with his, and I felt his lips on my neck and chest and cheek and mouth. For this short time, I was lost, and it felt so good.

I don't remember exactly when we fell asleep, but I know we were up for a long time. I slowly opened my eyes and there was Peeta, smiling back at me. "Good morning." He grinned, kissing me softly. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me on top of him. I loved how deep and sexy his voice was in the morning. "How did you sleep?"

I kissed him again. "The best I ever have I think." I answered honestly. Usually I woke up crying. "I think I was so physically exhausted that I passed out. I don't really remember." He laughed and hugged me tigher. I laid my head on his chest. "I missed this."

"I missed you." I propped my chin up. His gaze was trained on the ceiling, the smile gone from his lips. He looked down at me. "I can't live without you Katniss. Please move back here. After tonight, I can't go another night sleeping without you."

I nodded. "I was going to say the same thing." So it was decided. Later that day I was going to get the rest of my stuff, then move back in with Peeta. We headed down to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. It was a bleak day, the sun hidden behind a thick blanket of grey clouds, but that couldn't damper my mood. I sat at the kitchen table and sipped on some orange juice I had poured for myself. The red light blinked on the phone display.

"I think we have a message." I could see the corners of his mouth perk up at my use of we. Raising his eyebrows in fake anticipation, he pressed play. The video feed popped up on the screen.

I simultaneously sighed in frustration and rolled my eyes when Sydney's face appeared on the screen. Peeta almost immediately hit stop. "Wait." I answered. The look in her eyes made me hesitate. I couldn't bring myself to care, but curiosity got the best of me. "Let it play."

She exhaled slowly. "Hey, Peeta. Long time no talk I know. In case you hadn't guessed, they let me out of prison. I wouldn't be contacting you unless it was…necessary. I'm sure you've heard all about district seven and the attacks. The truth is, we're doomed. Or we were. Until two days ago." She ran a hand through her hair. "I need your help. And Katniss', but I'll just leave the message with you because I doubt she would even listen to a message that I left. I'm assembling a team, one last time, to help eliminate the problem. This is going to be the toughest mission of our lives. People are going to die, but I need the best soldiers around me. People I trust. I need my squad. I'm not asking you to do it for me. I'm asking you to do it for Panem. If we don't do this, we're all done for. If you and Katniss accept, meet us in thirteen tomorrow morning. We have little time to train, and we need to make sure everyone is on the same page. I'm begging you to help. We need you, both of you. I hope I'll see you tomorrow, but if not, goodbye, and good luck."

The video feed clicked dead, and my heart dropped into my stomach. She wanted us to go on some suicide mission? Not going to happen. My life was just starting to be stable. Just starting to be normal again. I couldn't risk this. I looked to Peeta, but he was staring intently at the screen where Sydney's face had been. Then he walked out of the kitchen. "Where are you going?" I called after him, chasing him up the stairs.

"To pack, of course. Come on I'll help you with your stuff."

I stood in our bedroom doorway, dumbstruck. "I'm not going."

He stopped. "What do you mean you're not going? You heard what she said. We're the only hope for Panem."

"This isn't about Panem." I spat back as he threw some clothes into a bag. "I'm not Sydney's bitch, although apparently you are. Why should I, why should we, help her with anything?"

He zipped the bag and shook his head. "This isn't about her, Katniss. This is about our future. This isn't a game. We can't win unless we do this. You know she wouldn't have asked if she wasn't desperate."

"I'm not going."

"Please. Just pack your stuff. We can catch the next train."

"No." I answered, exasperated. "I'm not helping her."

He stood there, bag in hand, making a decision. "Come with me. Please."

"No."

"Alright then." He pushed past me again.

I shook my head. "I can't believe you're leaving."

"I can't believe you're not." He walked down the stairs and I followed him.

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"I know you've been through a lot. We all have, but this isn't the Katniss I know. She wouldn't stand here and let everyone else fight. She'd be the first one on the battle field. The Katniss I know would've packed her bags faster than I did. Regardless of whether she was mad at Sydney or not, she would've fought. For all those people that couldn't, for the future of the citizens of this nation. Every time that I wanted to give up, she got me to keep going. You need to find that girl. I know you will."

"You could die out there. You're just going to leave me?"

He shook his head. "That girl is in there somewhere. You'll find her. You'll be there." He kissed me goodbye and left the house. I just stood in the living room as it started raining, mouth agape at how fast things could change.


	16. Chapter 16

I stood at the doorway, unsure of whether or not I wanted to go in. Prim's words repeated themselves in my head, and I put my hand on the handle and pulled, cursing her for being so wise yet so young. It was time to rejoin my team.

After standing there staring at the spot where Peeta had been for an hour, I decided to go to my mother's house. This place felt so empty, and with the memories of last night now painfully far away, I needed to get out. Prim answered the door. "Katniss! Where were you? Peeta's? We were hoping. I mean, mom and I wanted to think, I mean…where were you?"

"I was there. I stayed there." My mind was still on what he had said. I walked past my sister into the living room and sat down on my couch. My mother came into the room.

"Are you ok sweetie?" She asked. I must look disheveled, hair a mess and dressed in thin pajamas despite the chill in the air.

I thought for a second, unsure of how to answer. "Have I changed?" I asked finally.

They exchanged a look, and it was my mother who finally answered. "You've been through more in twenty years than someone should go through in a life time. It's a struggle, each and every day for you to just survive. It would be hard for you not to change."

"No. I meant since the accident. Am I different? Weaker?"

"Not weaker." This time it was Prim. "You're just less…sure. You don't really know who you are anymore, and that's fine. You'll figure it out."

That wasn't the answer I was looking for. Deep down, I knew Peeta was right. I was wrong in not helping Panem, but my personal grudge against Sydney was getting in the way. I let out a sigh and explained to them what was going on. What was being asked of me. "I'm just not sure. I don't want to help Sydney after what she did, but at the same time…I'll never forgive myself if they don't succeed." I finished. I looked towards my mom for answers.

"This is a tough one." She said. "It's a decision you have to make Katniss, but before you do, maybe you should think about what you're giving up if you stay here. Peeta was clearly upset that you didn't jump at the opportunity, and if you're friends sacrifice their lives while you sit here and do nothing, I know you'll be a mess. Is it worth it?"

I looked at the floor, not really knowing what to do. Sydney. Panem. Sydney. Panem. The two wrestled in my head. "This is one of those moments," Prim broke the battle raging in my head, "Where you'll look back and either know you did the right thing, or regret your decision forever. I think you know which choice is which. Sometimes you have to sacrifice personal values for the greater good. It's not always about you and what you want. It doesn't make sense, but sometimes in our lives, the things that are best for us aren't what we think they are. If what you say is true, they'll fail without you. Then we'll all be doomed. I know you're mad at Sydney right now, but you may come to find that what she did or didn't do or intended to do isn't what you think it is. Your anger is clouding your judgment."

My eyes narrowed. There was Prim, forever the eighty year old woman trapped in a fourteen year old's body, with her prosthetic foot and burned skin, yet unbroken spirit. When did it become me who took advice from her? I stood up, my mind made up. "I guess this is goodbye then." I could see the tears in my mother's eyes.

"You have no idea how badly I want to stop you from walking out this door. If you don't come back…" She shook her head, "You'll be back. I'll see you soon." I nodded, feeling my own eyes watering. The fear was starting to hit me, but I had to be brave. I wrapped my arms around her tightly, then walked over to my sister, hugging her.

"You've grown up a lot little duck." She smiled at the nickname.

"So have you." She hugged me tighter, and all of a sudden I wasn't in my living room. I was in the government building on the day of the reaping, telling my sister that I was going to win, for her. Telling my mother to take care, my heart hardened and naïve. There was no Sydney, no Peeta, no thirteen, just my mother, sister and I, saying goodbye for what could be the last time. Only now, I wasn't fighting a rag tag group of teenagers. I was off on a suicide mission to try and save us all from enslavement.

I pulled away from them both and nodded my head. "Déjà vu huh?" I wiped my eyes. "I'll be back soon. I promise, but the last train leaves in an hour and I have to be on it to get to thirteen by tomorrow morning." My mother nodded, arm around my sister. I turned and walked out the door, glancing one more time at the family that I may never see again. The thought was too much to bear, and I quickly went back to our house to change and pack. Fifteen minutes later I was out the door, taking the walk of fate to the train station.

And now here I was, shoes clacking on the pristeen white floor of the thirteen training room our meeting was being called it. It was one of the larger gyms, and as I opened the doors, I saw that the rest of them were already seated in fold out chairs, surrounding Commander Jacob's and a hologram projector. I was happy to see him leading us. It was only fitting.

Their heads all turned when the door opened, and I quickly identified everyone there. Peeta was sitting in the middle, grin spread across his face. Gale sat to the front left, a surprised look on his face. Finnick, Johanna and Furman were all there. Then in the back row there were two younger kids I didn't recognize and a rather muscular and tall guy I didn't know. I averted my gaze from the front row, but I knew Sydney was sitting there next to Finnick, two seats down from Gale. I could feel her eyes on me, all of their eyes on me. "Sorry I'm late." I said finally, taking a seat next to Peeta. "Train schedules. You know."

Commander Jacobs gave a rare smile. "Welcome back." He said. "I was just telling everyone why we're here." He started talking again, and I took the opportunity to whisper to Peeta.

"You look happy considering the fact that I could die now."

"I just like being right." He quipped, eyes staring into mine.

"Congratulations." I sneered, rolling my eyes. He had been right, I admitted it. There was no hiding that shame.

"So," I turned my attention back to what Jacobs was saying, "this mission is going to be the hardest you've ever been on. I'm sure you've heard that people will die. I don't want that to be true, but it's almost inevitable. I'm sorry to say it. Without further adeu, the plan." He gestured to Sydney. "As it's mastermind, I figured you better explain it."

Standing up slowly, Sydney cleared her throat. I didn't notice how really bad she looked, but it was worse than I imagined. Then again she had been in prison for the past couple days, so that could explain the dark circles and even darker look in her normally bright green eyes. My former friend had been through a lot, and it felt strange to not have been there for her, but I didn't owe her that, not after what happened. "So, it's pretty simple really." With the push of a button, a three dimensional map of some strange city appeared before us. "This is, essentially, their capitol. It houses twenty three percent of their population, along with their economic, political, social, and media centers. Their life is here, and without it, they wouldn't survive. They figure we don't have the means or the ideas to harm them, but in reality," another image appeared on the screen, this one a schematic of some strange mechanical device, "we've had it the whole time. They thought it died with the capitol, but it was safe, hidden in a bomb proof shelter miles below the Capitol grounds."

"This isn't just any bomb." Commander Jacobs chimed in. "They were outlawed after the great war. It's what caused the destruction of the rest of the world during said war, and the reason why only three civilizations still exist. It hit our north and south, and would've hit us too if we didn't sign a peace accord first. These super explosives were never to be used again, unless…"

"Someone broke the pact." Sydney finished his sentence. "Which Extasia did when they attacked district seven. So that's our mission. We go into the Capitol, plant the bomb, then get out and set it off. If it works, they will be crippled into surrender, with the majority of their power and resources gone. Four teams will enter the city from its four different corners. Their job is to distract. To create confusion, to pull the enemy away from the real objective." A series of red lines appeared underneath the city. "A fifth team will enter here, below the city, in the sewage pipes."

"Sewage?" A girl I didn't know chimed up. "That could cause some issues. Couldn't we just drop it from a plane or something?"

Sydney shook her head. "The design of the bomb makes that impossible. It's volatile and has to be set off manually. It can't be set off by dropping, only by the timing device, to prevent accidents. As for the sewers, they haven't been used in a long time. They aren't monitored, as far as our intelligence can tell. So we go through the tunnels, clearing blockages and making a path here." She expanded the map to show a bunker of sorts. "It was the main storage room for supplies and controls of the sewage system, but has since been cleared out, according to the images taken by satellites and a given to us by a brave informant. So it's empty. This is where team five will place the bomb, set a time, then high tail it the hell out of there through the tunnels."

She hesitated for a moment. "All parts of this mission are terrifying, but by far the most dangerous is the bomb placement team. We don't really know what's down there to begin with, and there's a chance that whoever's down there won't make it out before the timer goes off if they get lost or the tunnels collapse."

"That's why I'm picking the best team to go in there." Jacobs said. "Maybe not the best soldiers, but the two people out of you ten who show you can work together flawlessly, because hell, teamwork is the only way you're going to survive down there. The other four pairs will be selected similarly, but it's not as vital. Every one of you has to be ready to go below. If you're not, the door is behind you."

No one moved, no one said anything. Looking at the faces sitting next to me, I knew they were ready to die for this. "Wait," I broke the silence, a realization coming over me, "when you set off this bomb, if its as powerful as you say, the entire area will be decimated."

"We'll be safe." Sydney answered. "You have to get to the extraction point, and it'll get us out before the timer goes off."

"What about the people? The citizens of the city? I'm sure all of them don't hate us or want us dead. You said twenty three percent of their population is there. Bombing that city will debilitate them. It will kill hundreds of thousands of people if the blast radius is what you say it is."

"Sometimes sacrifices are necessary, but we have to protect ourselves. It's kill or be killed. They attacked us first, declared war on us. It's no holds barred."

"There has to be another way." I said, standing up from my seat, blown away by the lack of humility. "That's what we stand for, defending the innocent. Killing these people…it destroys all of that. There has to be another option—"

"This is the only way." She spat at me. "There's no other choice. It's hard, but it has to be done. If you aren't ready, then just leave."

"You're talking about the murder of thousands of people. Sorry if I'm not so quick to clear my conscious." I felt the anger building up to a breaking point. I shook my head. "It must run in your family, the will to kill innocent people."

The shock crossed Sydney's face first, then hate set in, then icy indifference. "Low blow Katniss. Come on." I heard Peeta whisper, but I ignored him. At this point, anger was overcoming common sense.

"Nice one." Sydney answered sarcastically. "Maybe it does. So tell me, are selfishness and insufferable egotism inherited, or is it just you that has them?" I took a step toward her.

Gale stood up between us. "Woah, woah. Calm down guys." He looked back and forth between Sydney and I, confused. One of his arms touched my shoulder, while the other held Sydney's. "What's going on between the two of you?" He asked, voice dropping.

"Well…it seems like we could all use a day to adjust and think about what's ahead of us." Commander Jacobs cut in. "We have an apartment set up for you, so why don't you head there and get settled." For a second he seemed nervous, unused to the conflict between us. Sydney shoved Gale's arm off of her and turned on her heel, making her way to the door.

"Tension…" Finnick said softly, letting out a low whistle. Suddenly, I noticed all eyes were on me again and I just crossed my arms over my chest. It wasn't surprising that no one knew what had happened. Peeta was still sitting in his chair, looking up at me nervously.

"It's fine." I said. It wasn't fine. Staring at her back as she walked out the door, I realized how sad I really was that it wasn't fine at all. I shook it off quickly, remembering that she deserved it. Gale went after her, and the rest of us took that as a que to follow suit, either because we thought they would lead us to said apartment, or because we knew something was going to go down. I think everyone was confused by mine and Sydney's outburst, so I assumed Sydney had kept her and Peeta's pseudo relationship away from everyone else.

When I stepped through the door into the hallway they had gone down, Gale had grabbed Sydney's arm. "What's going on with you?" He asked, not attempting to hide your concern. "I understand you keeping me out of the loop, but Katniss is your friend. I don't understand the nastiness, it's weird. What happened?"

"Just drop it Gale." She glared at him, then glanced quickly back at me. I narrowed my eyes, deciding not to let this go.

"You haven't heard?" I stepped forward. Peeta tried to grab my arm, but I was tired of everyone treating Sydney like they owed her something. Gale looked at me. He really knew nothing. "While Sydney and Peeta were taking care of me, they become very comfortable with each other."

"Honestly…" Sydney growled. "It wasn't even like that and you know it. What happened was a fluke, a mistake, but you're going to hold it over me and hate me forever because of it, but I see you forgave him," She pointed to Peeta, "like it was nothing. Because it's my fault."

"I don't think he was in the right mind do you? I would say trauma can mess with your mind, but you have no excuse."

"Do you have anything to say?" She asked Peeta. "Anything?"

He looked at the ground. I knew I wasn't being fair, but I couldn't help taking it out on her. Peeta and I had just started forming a relationship, and I refused to believe that any of what had happened between them was his fault. He raised his shoulders and sighed, looking up at Sydney apologetically.

"Exactly. So just admit it—"

"Wait." Gale interrupted. "So you're telling me, that while I was in thirteen trying to train these kids on a mission that would certainly kill them, with no word from you besides three sentences about how Katniss was ok, you were off…getting comfortable with Peeta? What does that even mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything. It was nothing. We kissed…it was an accident." She was reeling. "I called you, all the time—"

"That's a lie!" He shouted. "Maybe the last three days when I felt so guilty I couldn't bear to talk to you. And all this time, while I sat here hating myself, you forgot to mention that you made out with Peeta? That while you were gone you forgot about me and started to like him?"

Now he turned to Peeta. "It wasn't even like that Gale." Peeta said quickly.

"Don't. Don't say anything. You made me feel like an asshole. I knew you were being too defensive about how I had hurt Sydney. You're my best friend, you should've taken my side. I guess I should've known there was something going on."

"You're unbelievable." This time his anger was directed back at Sydney. I knew I had a too smug grin on my face, but I couldn't hide it. "You weren't there for me. I needed your help with those kids, and they probably died because I wasn't as good as you. Because you were too busy fucking up everyone else's life."

"I was there to take care of Katniss!" It wasn't defensive. It was just angry. "That's what I did. I made sure she didn't kill herself or worse, and I tried so hard to be a good friend, but it's so hard—" She stopped. "You know what. I don't have to explain myself to you. You're my 'friends', yet you won't take ten seconds to hold in your egos and your anger and listen to what I have to say. I know what happened between Peeta and I was wrong, but it was nothing like you think, but you'll never believe that, because for some reason, despite everything I've done…despite everything we've been through together…" Her eyes started to well up, and her gaze turned to the floor. She shook her head and threw her hands up, turning away from us and walking down the hall to what I assumed was our apartment, shutting the door behind her.

The rest of the squad stood there in silence, not sure of what to make of all this. Finally, Peeta spoke up. "You two need to relax." He addressed Gale and I. "You have no idea what she's been through. What she's done for all of us. You have every right to be angry, but that was ridiculous." The disappointment in his eyes made me realize the truth in his words. I had gone overboard. Gale was still fuming, and I doubted he would listen to what Peeta was saying.

I turned back to the rest of the squad, a strange shame spreading through me. "He's got a point." Finnick said quietly. "We're all about to go through something impossible together, we can't afford this. Not now. She's human. She makes mistakes, just like we do. It's almost like…you have unreal expectations. It's understandable. We trust Sydney with more stuff than anyone else because she's always been there. Always been the reliable one, the rock, but now….she needs us. So I guess it's up to you." He started walking towards the apartment. "Can you understand how trivial this is? Or are you going to hold on to it forever?" I stared at him, unsure of how to answer. "Just remember…there's a chance that in less than a month, she could be dead. Any of us could. Then where will you be? I'll answer that for you. You'll be regretting every second that you spent angry, wondering what could have been."


	17. Chapter 17

KATNISS' POV

I forgot how hard it was to run ten miles. I was remembering now though, very quickly. Sweat poured down my forehead as I forced my legs to move forward, finally on the last lap out of the forty that I had to run. My lungs felt like they were giving out and my heart hurt, but when I crossed the finish line, I felt something I hadn't in a long time. I felt free.

I wasn't the last one across either. Furman and Johanna both finished after me. Despite the fact that I hadn't exercised in two months, I managed to keep in good physical shape from years of running through the woods. Sydney and Finnick were across the room grabbing water, and I tried my best to avoid them. Part of me had wanted to apologize to about what happened four days ago. I felt bad, and knew Peeta was right, but the anger and resentment in me wouldn't go away. So I went on giving her the silent treatment, but she didn't even try to get my attention. There were no awkward glances or attempted apologies. Apparently she was over feeling guilty. I shrugged it off and felt arms pushing me sideways. Peeta was smiling brightly at me.

"Slowpoke!" He teased. "I finished like…at least three minutes before you. Winner."

I rolled my eyes lazily, putting my hands above my head to catch my breath. "Sure sure, just keep bragging. I can still kick your ass and you know it." He kissed me lightly and we walked over to get a drink. The workouts we had were just to keep us on our feet. The main part of our day was spent going over mission protocol, designing and exact plan, and, most importantly, trying to sort ourselves into teams of two.

You would think it would be easy, but the introduction of the three new people threw us off. Chase and Brooke were so far ahead of us physically, it was hard not to send them under the tunnels, but their lack of mission experience, leadership, and time in their new super-human bodies led Commander Jacob's to reconsider. We spent hours in the simulator going over pair by pair to see who would work well together. When we didn't have team meetings, there was always a team in there while the rest of us did target practice.

I had gone in four times, once with Peeta, once with the new guy Gunner, once with Johanna, and once with Gale. We had all done pretty well, but it was frustrating. I thought Peeta and I would work well together, but at the end of the day, I had to admit that no one worked with me like Sydney. The silent communication and flawless tactics that we used couldn't be rivaled, but I doubt we still had that connection. Sighing, I took a long drink from my cup as Gale and Gunner stepped out of the simulator. Gunner was a good shot, but he and Gale were clumsy and unused to each other, and they hadn't succeeded in placing the bomb in the simulator. None of the pairs had.

"You are a pathetic bunch of soldiers." Jacobs boomed over the microphone. "Honestly. Not one group of you can succeed? It's really not that difficult! I should cancel the mission now and just let the world burn, because god knows we can't rely on you all to save us. I'm done with the simulator for the day. I don't want to feel any more depressed than I already am." The sharp contrast between his "depressed" mood and his angry tone made me laugh.

Taking this as a cue that training was done for the day, we moseyed our way back to the apartment. Last time we all lived together, I remembered the fun team dinners and relaxing atmosphere. Now, everyone pretty much kept to themselves and in small groups because of the tension in the air. It was hard to keep it light with the mission weighing over us, but the personal conflicts overrode even that. I sat down on the couch and opened up my map, trying to find a way to solve a slight problem with a street block on the upper left distraction corner. "Hey." Gale said, smiling slightly and sitting down next to me.

I could tell that he was hurting. He had made a mistake, tried to cover it up, failed, told the truth, gotten shut out, then betrayed, then made another mistake by blowing it out of proportion. The poor guy couldn't catch a break, and I knew we were in the same boat. Our outburst at Sydney was uncalled for, but we were both too proud to apologize. Sighing, I turned to my old best friend. "Hey." I tried to smile, and wondered if it looked as fake as it felt. "What's up?"

"I just don't know what to do with myself. Jacob's said to keep busy in our off time, but I don't really have any distractions." He shrugged.

"I just need a break." I answered honestly. "Something to push me. To show me all hope isn't lost." Gale stared at me.

"There's someone I want you to meet." Jumping to his feet, he beckoned me to do the same. "Seriously, follow me. Everyone's going to bed anyway." I looked towards my room, then back at my map, then up at Gale. What did I have to lose? There wasn't anything else to do.

As we walked down the hallway to our mystery destination, I realized that I hadn't really talked to Gale in a long time. At least since my wedding when we had danced together. He used to be my closest friend. My only friend. "How did we get here Gale?"

"I don't know Catnip. I really don't. It seems like just yesterday we were sitting on that hill overlooking twelve, mocking Effie Trinket and praying we didn't get our name called."

"It was so hard. The reapings and the games and the terror, but sometimes, I wish that I still lived there. I wished that was my life, because at least it was stable. Now, I'm constantly moving, changing, adapting. It's like as soon as I get settled, something comes in and knocks me off my feet."

"I know the feeling, but at the same time you have to think about what we've done with our lives. We meant something. We did something more, something no one else could do. I used to ask myself all the time how different my life would've been if you hadn't been reaped." He laughed. "How we may have ended up together and I would still be working in a mine right now. The hard life."

A future with Gale. That was so odd. My life with Peeta was so developed, I had forgotten that Gale had ever loved me, that I had once thought I might love him. Now he was just my friend. Our lives were so complicated, so distant, yet so intricately intertwined. "I'm glad I have you." I said finally. "It reminds me of that life. It reminds me of who I used to be."

"Agreed. The truth is, I would've been long dead by now without you. I never could contain my hatred of the Capitol when it needed to be. I probably would've been beaten or locked up or executed."

"The big house? I don't think you would do well in jail." I joked. "They would break you!"

"The big house is nothing compared to the dog house, which is where I've been for the past few weeks." The silence returned with Sydney. "I deserve it though. Sometimes I just can't control myself, you know? Like I get so angry, and I don't think before I act. I shouldn't have yelled, or even been angry. I hurt her. I turned her away, which means I hurt you too, and I'm sorry for that."

"You need to stop blaming yourself for things." I answered. "It's not your fault, what happened between Sydney and Peeta. It's all of our faults. Sydney and I for pushing you two away, and you and Peeta for buckling under the stress." He nodded. "And yeah, I guess the yelling was a bit overboard." The nods grew, and we were both chuckling.

We had finally reached a door, and Gale opened it for me. I saw the white walls and the men in scrubs, and realized we were in the hospital. Deciding to not question Gale, I just followed him through the hallway maze until we reached another door marked "military unit." Gale had to type in a passcode, then the door slid open in front of us, a guard nodding from behind a glass window. "What are we doing here?" Curiosity finally got the better of me.

"There's someone I want you to meet. You're kind of her hero so, don't be surprised if she's a little shy." He lead me into a small section of the wing that had a few tables and chairs. Some men were playing chess and a few others were watching a television. We walked towards a young girl in a wheel chair, reading a book thoughtfully, the same distant pale blue eyes as Brooke and Chase squinted in concentration. There was an odd familiarity there, but I wrote it off as being the odd eye color and slightly pale complexion that she shared with my teammates. "Katniss, I want you to meet Autumn Collie."

The girl looked up from her book and sort of jumped. I did know her from somewhere. "Long time no see."

She stumbled over her words and closed the book, looking awed and starstruck at the same time. "Yeah, yeah. I guess the last time I actually really saw you was—"

"At the reaping." I finished for her.

"You told me good luck. It was my first time, same as Prim's. I guess I did have good luck, but I can't say the same for her…for you. You were the reason I had the courage to go through with it. After everything that had happened with my family and the games…it's always a rough time for us." I remembered that Autumn's older sister had been the tribute two years prior to me. Like most other people from twelve, she had barely survived for one day. It had been hard on the Collie family, especially Autumn.

"Finding the strength to stand in that crowd is no easy task, trust me." That seemed like so long in the past it was honestly hard for me to remember what it felt like. I wanted to ask what happened to her, but I figured that was too straight forward. No one ever informed me of what happened to these kids, so I could only guess that she was injured in a training exercise.

"Autumn?" A nurse called from the door. "Just need to give you the all clear for today." She looked between me and the nurse. I nodded, acknowledging I would stay until she got back. As soon as she was gone, I turned to Gale.

"What exactly happened to her? Why is she in that wheel chair?" He explained the point of the mission, the modifications to the children, the ultimate failure of the program and the deaths that resulted from premature experimentation. It was shocking that they would experiment on human beings, but desperate times call for desperate measures. "So she's paralyzed?"

Gale thought for a second. "Not really. When she first came out of the post-experimental coma, every bone in her lower body was shattered, including several disks and parts of her spine. They didn't think she'd ever get out of bed, but she's honestly incredible. Her bones are healing, which, from what the nurses have told me, is incredibly painful. She suffers silently and does physical therapy. Last week she started using a wheel chair, and just bites down the pain so she can move around."

Instant admiration ran through me. Situations like this and like Prim's always amazed me. The strength of human will and the power of the mind to overcome things as perilous as this were incredible, and the people who could do them were among the greatest I had ever met. At this point, Autumn came back to where we were standing.

"Those shots always hurt." She rubbed her arm and laughed. I forced myself to remember she was only fourteen, because the way she looked at me and the tone in her voice seemed like that of someone much older. Gale left us alone, and we talked a little about our past in twelve and she asked me questions about the games.

Finally, there was a silent pause. During that moment, I thought about how long I had been pitying myself, and how depressed I had been. This girl had risen out of the ashes to become someone amazing, and I could do the same. I had done it before. I had healed before. "How do you do it?" I asked her. When she looked confused, I explained. "How do you have the courage to wake up every day and think, 'I'm going to get better. I'm going to work harder and heal faster.' Right now, I just need some inspiration, because I'm drowning in self-pity, and I've got to shake it."

"It's not going to be easy. It's going to be painful, but I don't think anything in your life has been easy. Sometimes the hand we're dealt isn't fair, isn't right, but there comes a point where you have to stop dwelling on what's wrong, and start working to make it right again. The only way to feel better is to move on, because living in the past isn't really living, is it?"

"Between you and my sister, I'm starting to think the next generation is much wiser than I will ever be."

"Not so fast." She laughed. "I can't take credit for that piece of advice. Honestly, when I first got out of surgery, I hated everything and everyone around me. Then someone came in here and told me that, waking me up from the hate filled coma I had been in."

"And to who do you owe this life saving advice?"

"Lietuenant Harper." I nodded my head and let out an ironic laugh. Of course. "She's the reason I'm alive. The reason that I'm in this chair instead of some bed in the disability wing. And I'm going to keep fighting. I'm going to make her proud. Without this mission, I would be just another kid, but now I'm different. My mind is sharper and more acute than anyone elses, besides Brooke or Chase. I may never fight again, but hopefully I'll walk, and hopefully I can contribute in other ways. They said I could be in the technology department, or maybe do some research. It's endless really, and I owe it all to her."

Part of me wanted to say that it was because of Sydney's program that she had been injured in the first place, but what she said was true. Sydney had inspired these kids like no one else could. I thought about Brooke and Chase, and how they gave every exercise their all, and threw themselves into every task. And here was a disabled girl who was determined to walk and help better the world. You had to give Harper credit for this.

The nurse announced that visiting hours were over, and I gave Autumn a short hug before leaving with Gale. "Amazed?" He asked once we were gone.

"A little bit, yeah." Our walk back to the apartment consisted of a little small talk, but both of our minds were elsewhere. He opened the door for me and I headed inside when Gale hesitated.

"I'm going to take a little walk. I'll see you tomorrow Katniss."

I closed the door behind him and slumped into the chair again. Thoughts and feelings whirled around in my head, but I tried to ignore them. It was too much to handle. I realized how exhausted I was from exercising all day, so I got up and headed to bed. When I walked into my room, however, Peeta wasn't there. I could've sworn he was in bed when I left. How long had I been gone? I hadn't thought to check the time then, but now it was almost midnight. I walked into the bathroom and rinsed my face off, trying to ward off panic. He had definitely told me he was going to sleep. I walked past each persons door, trying to see if someone knew where he had gone, but the lights were off.

I couldn't sleep like this, not knowing where he was, so I went into the kitchen and got some water. My mind was focused on Peeta, trying to ward off the bad thoughts. There weren't any really. What could have happened to him in thirteen? He probably took a walk, maybe Gale would see him. "You should probably shut that off." A familiar voice rang out from behind me. The water was still running, and I snapped out of my thoughts and shut it off. Sydney was standing near the counter, drinking from a glass of her own, staring at me quizzically. "Water bills and all that." She finished.

"Thanks." My tone wasn't malicious, and she seemed surprised by that. "I was out of it. Have you seen Peeta?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Is this some sort of trick or something?" I rolled my eyes at her. Holding her hands up defensively, she answered, "Can't blame me for asking. But yeah, he left about a half an hour ago. He was looking for you."

Sighing, I took a sip of water. He would be back soon. "Why are you awake? We trained hard today. Aren't you two steps away from passing out?"

She just shrugged. The dark circles answered for her, but I had a feeling she wasn't awake by choice. "I don't really sleep. It's a misunderstood rebel thing. You know what I mean." I wasn't sure if she was kidding. "It's ok. You can smile. Sarcastic joke, because you never used to sleep in the prison…" I decided to smile.

"Yeah. We're just so focused on saving the world while simultaneously pissing off everyone around us that it's hard to get to sleep." There was still tension in the air. Unresolved things that needed to be said. I was worried about Peeta and I wanted to sleep, plus I still wasn't totally sure I wanted to forgive her.

She seemed to take the silence that followed as a cue to leave. Picking up her glass, she started to head to her room. Then, at the doorway, she hesitated. When she turned back, there was a strangely sad look in her face. It was regret and lonliness and hesitation and fear and anxiety. It was hope and loss and pain. "I really am sorry, Katniss. For everything. Your friendship meant more to me than anything, and I screwed up. You have every right to be angry, but you should know that I would never purposely do anything to hurt you, and no matter what happens, today, tomorrow, or in the next few weeks, you'll always be my family."

Before I could respond, she was gone. I didn't really know what to say anyway, so I didn't go after her. The look in her eyes stayed with me. There was something there that she wasn't telling me, and it wasn't just because we were fighting. I frowned, resolving to sit on the couch and just wonder until Peeta got back.

PEETA'S POV

Why did she have to leave now? I thought. I was exhausted and wanted to sleep, but I had no idea where Katniss went, nor did anyone else in the apartment. Gale was gone too, so I assumed they were together, but what if they weren't? I had to find her. It had been almost two hours since I had seen her after training, and it wasn't like her to leave without telling me.

The hallways of thirteen got dark late at night, so it was hard to discern exactly where I was. I had checked the training quarters and the gym. I had gone by Jacob's place and Haymitch's, but she was no where to be found. Now I was a little disoriented, trying to figure out exactly where I was. It had been months since I had been to thirteen, so I wasn't used to the complex system of corridors.

I rounded a corner to a group of army men, waving to one of them, a guy I had met while I was recovering a while ago in the hospital wing. "Hey, Manny." I was surprised to see them here, in the underbelly of thirteen. Most of the time it was empty, with only janitors or the occasional nurse passing through. I had tried to use a shortcut and failed, which is why I ended up here. "How's it going?" I held out a hand and he shook it.

"Hey Mellark. What are you doing down here?" I didn't want to admit I was lost, so I just raised my shoulders.

"Clearing my head. You?"

"Uh…business." He smiled, the other guys following suit. I shook my head a laughed.

"What did you say your name was?" One guy to the left asked. His face was hidden in shadow, but I could hear a hint of threat in his tone.

"This is Peeta. Mellark. We're wounded warrior buddies." Manny joked. There was an odd tilt to his voice, and I knew he must be on something. The other guy, however, seemed focused on me.

"Peeta Mellark? From twelve?" I nodded in response, taking a slight step away from them. He leaned up away from the wall he was against. "Manny, this is the guy. The one who almost killed my brother Craig in that restaurant. Sucker punched him, then kicked his ass without warning."

Craig…of course. I had gone a little insane, but with reason. "You're brother almost killed my wife. Hit and run. Maybe he didn't mention it." The guy didn't seem to care really, taking another menacing step forward.

"No one fucks with my little brother Mellark."

"You're brother's an asshole. He deserved everything he got. Don't tell me his big brother is going to fight his battles."

Manny's friend didn't take this well. "Real manly thing to pick on a guy younger and smaller than you with a sucker punch, but you know what, I'm going to love calling him and telling him about how I kicked your ass. It'll probably make him feel a lot better in the hospital."

I looked to Manny for some help, and he put his hand on the guy's shoulder, but the brother only gave Manny a menacing look. Manny mouthed an "I'm sorry." My way, then took off. If he knew it was too bad, I didn't know what to expect. I should run, but I would get caught. There were five of them left. Five against one. I didn't like the odds.

I barely had time to duck out of the way as his fist came rushing at me. One of the other guys came around my back and I kicked him in the ribs, pushing him away, but then another was on me, trying to get his arms around my neck. I flipped him across my back and turned to the next, elbow connecting with his jaw. I felt a sharp pain in my left side as someone punched my lower abs. I put my hands up to block my face as another strike came, and before I knew it I was just randomly lashing out, hoping to hit someone. It was no use, and before I knew it, one guy had my left arm and another my right, while the older brother of the guy who had killed my unborn child mercilessly punched my head and abdomen. The pain was overwhelming, and I saw stars every time his fist connected.

Suddenly, the pressure on my arms was relieved, and I heard shouting around me, followed by the thudding of fist on face and the scrapping of tackles. I tried to blink the blood out of my eye and saw a tall figure with his arms around the neck of Craig's brother. One of his cronies kicked him in between the legs and he buckled. I got up off my knees and ran at him, tackling him to the ground. This guy had saved me, I had to return the favor. Blood was still pouring down over my eye, and stars showed in front of my face. I fell back down to my knees, consciousness leaving me. "Stay with me, man." The guy said. His face blurred, then focused. "Come on Peeta."

"Gale?" I coughed. "What are you doing here? Where did they go?" I realized my assailants were no longer with us.

"They ran off. Figured they couldn't take both of us and I told them I called the police."

"Yeah." I wheezed, holding my side. "They were on something man." I tried to stand up, but couldn't hold my weight. Gale threw my arm around his neck and lifted me. I stumbled on one leg and we made our way around the tunnels slowly. "How did you find me?"

"Luck." He said. "I was just walking around and heard the shouting. Five against one. Some fair fight."

I explained the reasoning to him in bated breath. "The guy didn't seem to think his brother's hit and run was a good enough reason for me to beat his ass." I finished. "So he decided to get revenge."

Gale turned back slightly. "I should've killed that guy."

"Don't…don't worry about it. He'll get what he deserves." We walked in silence for a while. "Thank you. I would've been in much worse shape if you hadn't been there. I couldn't fight them alone."

"I would never let you get hurt. We're brothers man." So that's all it took. A fight and a common enemy. I didn't question it. The time to bury the hatchet had come.

"My hero." I said in a mock girl tone, trying to squeak it out despite the pain in my lungs. Gale laughed in mock flattery. We had reached the apartment. "She's going to kill me."

"That or she'll be really turned on by your bravery." He joked. "I'm hoping the second one for you man. That defending their honor stuff works every time." He winked at me.

"It did when I wasn't the one who got my ass kicked." Gale opened the door for me, and sure enough, Katniss was sitting on the couch, half-asleep, but when I stepped in the door, her eyes widened.

"What the hell happened to you?" She asked, anger and concern filling her voice.

"It's…it's…" I didn't know how to explain.

"He got ambushed. Kicked a bunch of guys asses, but I had to show up because it was five on one. You should see the other guys. No one stands a chance against this guy." He punched me on the arm lightly, setting me down on the couch opposite Katniss. She rolled her eyes at both of us and went to get the emergency kit. I was starting to feel better, taking a sip of water from a glass she bought me. I was going to be sore, but nothing was broken. Katniss started to clean my cuts, and I was reminded of the first time we were in this situation, in a dark cave, fighting for our lives.

Gale gave me the thumbs up behind her back, and I laughed at him. "This isn't funny Peeta." Katniss said, thinking I was laughing at my injuries. "You're lucky Gale was there." I tried not to be so happy in this moment, but there was an odd familiarity in her taking care of me. It was nice to have the roles switched. Katniss also seemed different; more like her old self. I didn't know what it was. Maybe the old line of worry across her forehead or how she sighed and laughed when Gale made a comment about my bravery, but it seemed like everything slowed down for a moment, and my life reset itself to how it was a long time ago. Before the accident and everything that came with it.

"So I guess you're a hero." I heard a voice from the doorway. Sydney leaned up against it, arms crossed, eyebrows raised. I assumed she was talking to Gale. He nodded. She walked towards him and tilted her head. "You're bleeding." When she touched his temple, he winced. "Come with me." She grabbed his hand. "Someone has to take care of you." There was a joking tone there. I saw Gale's face light up as he followed her back to her room, remembering what he said earlier about the hero thing.

"Do you think that they…that they'll…" Katniss asked once they were out of earshot.

"I've heard the hero thing is a great way to get some." I winced as Katniss cleaned one of my cuts. She laughed.

"O really?"

"According to the master." I looked after Gale. She just shook her head and smiled. "So…did you hear that I held my own against five guys?" I winked at her and she opened her mouth in fake amazement.

"Wow." She climbed into my lap. "That is so hot." I smiled against her mouth as she kissed me. Katniss' sarcasm never failed to make me laugh.

I pulled back from her a little. "I love you, you know that?" I said, touching my forehead to hers.

"I love you too. And yes, I did."


	18. Chapter 18

SYDNEY'S POV

I didn't really understand how Gale got himself into these situations. Honestly, it was like he was constantly trying to get himself killed. Admittedly, the fact that he had stood up for his friend and effectively beat the shit out of five different guys was impressive, but I wouldn't let him know that. I wasn't one hundred percent sure I was ready to forgive him, but if I didn't tend to his injuries, they would get infected.

"Just hold still for five seconds." I said, bringing the towel up to the cut above his eye. He winced and took a breath in, but the grin never left his face. Trying to stay concentrated on fixing him while he had that look in his eye and that adorable smile on his face was difficult, but I forced myself to focus. Gale wasn't going to win. "You're insane." I said in a low whisper, trying to keep the amusement out of my tone.

"Admit that you're impressed by my heroics." I shook my head disapprovingly. "Hey, it worked last time." Focus on the injuries, Syd. I told myself.

"Then, you were taking on an entire enemy country in the name of Panem. Today, you took on five bullies with Peeta's help. I think there's a difference." A large amount of antiseptic went onto the next cut and he cried out. "Plus, before you weren't an enormous asshole, and I still thought you had some redeeming qualities."

The fun was dropped as I put the last bandage over a gash in his arm and handed him some ice, motioning for him to keep it on his eye. The grin was gone, and he just stared intensely at me. I walked out of the bathroom and into my room without saying goodnight, part of me hoping he would leave me alone, and another part begging for him to come after me. I sat down on my bed, feeling my resolve weakening. I knew what was going to happen to me in a matter of days. Time was running out, and I hated spending it angry.

Gale appeared in the doorway. "You know how sorry I am. Saying it again won't make a god damn difference." I looked up at him, wondering if he could see the pain in my eyes. The pain of knowing what was to come, of what I was giving up. I forced the thoughts out of my mind. I had promised myself not to think about it. To live in the moment up to the very last second of my life. Gale pulled my attention back as he started to walk towards me. "So I'm going to say what I've said to you a thousand times. I love you. I never stopped. I don't blame you; it is one hundred percent my fault. I'm not going to ask forgiveness because I think it's obvious that I want it. What I want is you. No one else, and I was an idiot to ever doubt or go against that. So send me away if you want, but before you do, look me in the eyes and tell me you don't care anymore. Tell me you feel nothing for me, but don't tell me you hate me because hate is something. It's fire, and the only way to hate is if you still care."

I shouldn't. Not just because of what he did, but because of what he would go through. I should save him the pain, but the selfish part of me wanted to push through, wanted to take over and take him back. Fighting off the selfishness was to hard on top of everything else. Gale would hurt, but first he would love. We would love each other if only for a few days or weeks.

I stood up and walked across the room, staring into his eyes. I could see fear there, but also hope. "I can't do that. I still loved you, and I always have. What you did hurt me more than you can imagine, but I'm tired of anger. I'm tired of pushing everyone away and fighting with the people I love."

It took two seconds for what I said to register with him, then his wide smile was back, and he leaned forward and kissed me, wrapping his arms around my back and pulling me into him. I could still feel the smile there, and it made me cave. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. Pulling away from him, I said, "You should've just done that a month ago. Would've saved a lot of heartache." He shook his head and started to protest, but I pressed my lips against his and muffled his arguments.

Tonight I was going to be free. I was going to let go of every thought and hesitation and just go. Let my body and emotions lead me instead of my mind. Gale did that to me. He let me get to that point where all that mattered were his hands running up and down my body and his lips against mine. It was a sensation that couldn't be replaced by anything else, and I was going to take advantage of it, abuse it until I forgot about the future, and was living only now, in this moment.

Gale pushed me backwards onto the bed and climbed on top of me, grinding his hips against mine. I put my hands underneath his shirt and the muslces in his chest and back. He pulled away and lifted it off over his head, grinning like a madman as I did the same. I didn't want to rush or get it over with. I wanted to savor every second of this animalistic instinctual feeling that was whirling around my head. His bare skin felt amazing pressed against mine, and I quickly moved to unbutton his jeans. Pushing them off his legs, he rolled over slightly to do the same, and stopped for a second, just staring at me.

"Is everything ok?" I asked, breathlessly.

Nodding, he said, "You are so beautiful, and I'm so lucky. I just don't want to forget this. How this feels. And I never want to go without it again."

Lying to him wasn't something I was proud of, but I didn't want to ruin this moment. So instead of telling him the truth, I truth I hadn't even accepted myself, I just smiled and ran my hand through his hair. "You won't have to. I'll be here, for as long as you want me to be." He kissed me again, moving his lips to my neck as his hands finished taking off my pants. I pushed the painful thoughts out of my mind. If I had a choice we would do this forever, but sometimes things are just out of my control, so for now I would ignore it, and go on loving Gale and pretending I would always be here for him.

His underwear were soon off to the side of the bed, followed by my bra and panties. I wrapped my legs around his back and he pushed into me, groaning softly into my neck. I bit down on his shoulder to stop from doing the same, remembering that we were no longer alone in my apartment. He pulled out again and I shushed him playfully. We laughed together and he thrusted back into me, making a game out of my attempt to stay quiet. He changed angles and I felt my eyes flutter, letting out a quiet whimper. "That's not fair," I breathed. He just smiled and did it again.

I rolled him over and got on top of him, riding against him quickly, showing him that two could play that game. I could feel myself getting close, and he flipped me back over. I let him take control, and raked my hands down his back. Suddenly I felt an amazing sensation run through my spine and I threw my head back, arching my back at his final thrust. He let out a low moan and pushed into me slowly as he did the same.

It was a moment of forgiveness and happiness and freedom and lust and love, but most of all it was a break in the bleak outlook of our futures. In this moment, I was unstoppable, we were unstoppable. As Gale rolled off of me and I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, I had to remind myself that this wasn't reality. This was a short vacation away from reality, but I was going to enjoy it. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, feeling the rhythm of Gale's heartbeat and the slow movement of his chest.

KATNISS' POV

Right about now, I was sick of being called a worthless pathetic loser. I wanted to jump up into that booth and punch Jacobs' in the face, but instead I had to keep running. Pushing myself to near death so I could get ready to go out there and actually die, maybe, hopefully not. I knew it was just his tactic. He pushed you so that you would do it just to prove him wrong, and, though I hated to admit it, it worked everytime.

"Until someone can prove to me that two people are capable of actually completing a mission, you're going to keep running. This is our future, soldiers, not some joke." Peeta and Gale had just tried and failed in the combat simulator. They had come the closest out of all of us, but still hadn't succeeded despite their best efforts. I was beginning to think that we wouldn't even make it out of Panem. If we couldn't find a reliable pair to complete this simulation, Jacobs would never ok it for us to leave.

Of course the pairs had to volunteer, and we had tried every combination there was. Nothing worked, and all of our attempts ended in frustration and endless running. There was only one pair who hadn't gone, Sydney and I. No one had volunteered us or suggested it, in fact, everyone on the squad seemed to stay as far away from the topic as they could. I still wasn't sure how I felt about Sydney. A few nights ago we had shared a fleeting moment of complacency when I had asked her about Peeta, but since then, she had avoided me, sticking by Gale's side or being a loner.

Suddenly, we all stopped running as a stranger entered the training room. I smile when I saw Autumn wheel herself in. "Hey guys, just though I would use my first official day out of the hospital to visit the future heroes of Panem." She winked at me as she rolled up, and Jacobs' acknowledged that we could break to speak with her. Everyone gathered around and Gale gave her a slight hug.

Sydney smiled and high fived her, leaning down into the chair to hug her also. Chase shook her hand and smiled at her, but Brooke kept her distance. Something had happened with them, what exactly I wasn't sure. Gale had told me that they used to be friends, but that Autumn was bitter about Brooke coming out of the operation unscathed. "What's going on Autumn?" Sydney asked.

"Well, I wish I could say that I was here to say hi, but I actually came to talk to Brooke." Her eyes shot up and her brows raised. I could sense an odd tension and nervousness coming from Brooke. It was obvious she felt a sort of survivors guilt for what had happened.

"Uhm…yeah sure. Anything."

Autumn wheeled her chair over so she was across from Brooke. "I came here to say I'm sorry. The way I acted, towards you, even towards Chase to some extent, was wrong. I was angry that you had survived and I was crippled, but a few very wise people and a lot of introspection led me to understand that it wasn't your fault. Wasting my time placing the blame on you and taking my anger out on someone who didn't deserve it wasn't the right thing to do."

"It's not…" Brooke started. "If I could trade with you I could. I hate that I'm ok and you're not. I hate myself everyday for living when all of our friends died, but most of all I hate this experiment for making me lose the only real friend I ever had."

Autumn shook her head and chuckled. "You didn't lose me. Friends fight." My eyes shifted up to Sydney, catching her doing the same and quickly looking away. "Over stupid things, real things, boys, family, whatever, but the mark of a true friendship is forgiveness, and most of all acceptance. So…I think if we can agree to forgive and forget…"

"Agreed." Brooke said quickly, smiling sheepishly. Her words hit me hard. I had to find a way to fix this torn friendship with Sydney, for both of us. I could sense her looking at me, and knew she was thinking the same exact thing.

The loud speaker crackled. "Alright, hugs aside, squad, get back out there until two of you prove to me that you can actually do something. Autumn, you're welcome to observe in the booth if you like. Feel the disappointment first hand."

"Sydney and I will do it." I said. The rest of the squad looked at me. "We're the only two that haven't gone in yet. So give us a try, and if we fail…well you can make us all run as much as you like." I looked to her for approval, and she nodded, leading the way to the preparation room.

As we were gearing up, I tried to think of something to say. Words weren't my forte, but I needed a way to show her things were ok. Maybe it wasn't an apology or a long speech. I just needed something to show her that I forgave her, and that I wanted to put this behind us. I turned around to face her and the entranceway, frustrated that I couldn't think of anything.

"Just try not to get us killed." She quipped, pulling the visor down over her eyes. "I'm fucking sick of running."

The smile spread across my face quickly and I could see her own grin underneath the visor. I put my helmet on and pressed the button to open the door. It was go time.

I don't know if it was Sydney and I's extraordinary team work or the strange competitive nature of our friendship that led to an absolutely perfect execution of our sample mission. We moved like lightning, sensing each others movements, neither of us wanting to be the one to screw up. It was like old times, where we would smoke everyone in the simulators. The feeling that someone has your back no matter what can never be replaced, and I was so happy for Sydney to be at mine.

When the lights finally clicked on and the buzzer sounded, Sydney and I made our back out to meet the rest of our team. They all stood around anxiously, as no one had been able to see inside. "Take a load off guys." Sydney said, smirking. "As usual, we have saved your asses." Everyone let out a huge sigh of relief and I just bursted out laughing, turning to Sydney and holding out my hand to high five her.

To my surprise, she threw her arms around me. I hugged her back without hesitation. "So I assume all is forgiven?" Finnick asked. I pulled away and turned towards him, shrugging my shoulders and nodding. Finnick grinned, "the team is back."

"Well it seems we have our winners." Jacobs said, a smirk on his face, but a melancholy tone in his voice. We had won the right to be most likely to die, a prize that I didn't exactly want. "Congratulations."

"Thank you." I fake bowed. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. If it had to be anyone, I guess I was glad it was me. I wouldn't want Peeta to risk his life, and to know that others in the squad had died when I could've been the one to go into the tunnels would kill me. Besides, it was clear that Sydney and I made the best team, so the odds were in our favor if they were anyones. I looked up at her hesitantly, and knew that she saw the fear on my face. Surprisingly, I didn't see it reflected on hers. I only saw a strange calm and sense of acceptance.

"So, since you two ladies have proved to me that you're useful, I'm giving you the rest of the night off. Everyone else, go eat, then come back and I'll finish splitting you off into teams after we train." The groans from my fellow teammates were overwhelming, and I threw one of my arms around Sydney's shoulders as we walked to go get food.

That night, dinner was different. It was even better than it had been before, with all of us together, talking, laughing, and sharing in a sense of togetherness. I had come to really like Gunner, Chase, and Brooke, and I was glad they were helping us out. I sat with Sydney on my right and Peeta on my left, and Gale taking the other seat next to Sydney. It was weird how things could change so quickly. Four days ago I would have been as far away from her as I could as would Gale. Peeta would refuse to sit near him, and the rest of the squad would be caught in the middle. Now, we all ate together, and I had to admit this was the happiest I had felt in a long time.

After we had finished, Sydney and I bid farewell to our team and headed back to the apartment. It was strange at first, to be alone with her but not fighting. I had almost forgotten how to be her friend, or anyone's for that matter. "So tell me," I said, breaking the silence, "how did Gale manage to win you over again? He's charming, but after what he did and how stubborn you are, I was shocked that he managed to get back in your good graces."

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "It's the hero thing. My resolve was weak in the face of his undying bravery." Her tone dripped with sarcasm.

"Seriously!"

"Ok, ok. Well honestly, I just decided that I was done being angry. There's no point, and it takes too much effort. Besides, I know that Vanessa of all people means nothing to him, and that it was a mistake. We're all human. We slip up, but we have to move on from it. If we keep living in the past…"

"We aren't really living." I finished for her. She turned to me, surprised that I learned her signature advice. "I talked to Autumn a while ago." I explained. "She was so full of this wise advice, then I learned that she had been mentored by the greatest."

"Ha. Mentored by the greatest. That's a funny joke." Her eyes turned dark, the humor in her voice lost. "If I was the greatest, I could have saved them. Done something to make it so they all survived. I was supposed to be their leader, their teacher, but I failed them. It's worse than any pain I've felt before."

For the first time, it hit me how much she was suffering. It had been months since we had really talked, and in that time, her father had betrayed her, Gale had cheated on her, all of her pupils had been killed in an experiment gone wrong, and she had been to prison. "I'm missing a lot of your life. It feels like I barely know you."

She hesitated, then turned around. "Come with me." She said, motioning down the hall. "I want to show you something. Somewhere. Everyone else is off training, so we have a few hours. Just give me the chance to wow you, and on the way I'll fill you in on everything that you've missed in the o so exciting life of Sydney Harper."

There was really nothing else for me to do, and I wanted to spend my time with Sydney anyway, so I followed her. We made our way up the elevators and climbed through a latch onto the surface above thirteen. She took a second to get her bearings, then pointed towards the sunset and we started walking.

I don't know how long it took to get there. I was too engrossed in her story. There had been fights and lies and betrayals and hardships that I hadn't even imagined. She told me about going to rescue Gale and the shock of her father's whereabouts. The pain that she felt when she thought he was going to die. Then we talked about her decision to knowingly train those kids in a mission they may not survive. We moved through my accident and I learned a lot about what had happened while I was out of it.

"You were like a zombie." She said as we hiked through the forests. "I was so afraid that you were dead the entire plane ride over here, then once I touched down, I felt even worse seeing you in the operating room. Peeta was there, watching you. It was awful to see him like that, so I pulled him away. He kept saying that you would know he was leaving you…it was painful. Then once you got out, the psychiatrist said to give you time to heal, and that you'd be back to yourself with our care and love. It didn't happen, not as soon as she predicted. You were bitter, angry even. Then when you moved out…well that was the last straw for Peeta. He was like a ghost in his own body. I guess that's why he clung to me. He thought you were lost forever, but I knew you weren't. I knew you'd come back…it just happened differently from how I hoped."

"I owe you a lot."

"For what? I'm the one who should owe you for what happened with Peeta."

I shook my head. "No. You took care of everyone, including me. You were there for my sister, for my husband, for my mother when she needed you. You kept my life running, and if it weren't for you…well, let's just say I'd never be 'back'. So I guess I'm trying to say thank you for being so amazing."

"Anytime." She mocked. We both laughed. "Really though. I'm just glad you're ok. Being without you has been hard. Gale's great, but no guy can replace your best friend. I just missed talking to you, and I hated seeing you in so much pain…" She trailed off as we finally reached the summit of this giant hill. "I think this is it."

We rounded a final corner and I realized that we weren't just on top of a hill. We were on some sort of overhang of rock that jutted out over an open plane. The trees were still slightly frosty and you could see snow on the ground in the distance, but the view was breathtaking. I felt like I could see the end of the world from where we were standing. The sun was just hitting the horizon, and I couldn't even imagine a sight more beautiful.

"My father used to take me up here." Sydney said, eyes fixed on the horizon. "Before thirteen rejoined civilization, it was forbidden to leave the underground. Some of us had never seen the real sunlight before, so one day, my dad snuck me out early one morning in the darkness, and we hiked up here. We reached the top just as the sun was peaking over the horizon. It was the first time I saw something amazing, something that took my breath away. I don't' remember many specifics about him, or anything about that time for that matter, but I remember this. After he died, or at least I thought he died, I used to sneak out and come here all the time. I knew it was risky, but that rebellious kid inside of me didn't care."

"This is your forest." She looked at me, puzzled. "My dad used to take me hunting in the forest, and it became a safe haven for me. A place where nature took over and everything made sense, and I could forget the pain and worries that were behind me in district twelve."

"I guess so, yeah. This is my forest." Shaking her head, she laughed. "It's odd. I've never really been here at sunset. I always came as the sun was coming up because I loved the new day. It's ironic that I should see it now, when the end it so close."

"You act like you're going to die over there. Sure there's a chance for that, but don't be so determined. I've got your back, which means ninety five percent success rate, plus, we're well prepared, and we've got surprise on our side."

Sydney hesitated like she was going to say something. There was something else there, hanging in the air. There was something else on her mind too, and I wanted to know what it was, but I didn't press. "You're right." She chuckled. "I shouldn't count myself out." I could call her bluff, but I let it go.

"No one else has ever been here." She continued. "Not that I know of. So welcome to my own little slice of earth."

"Why did you bring me here?"

"To show you how I used to see the world. It was always this big open space in front of me, a lot like what's below us. I always wondered what was out there for me, and knew there were so many possibilities and outcomes. I wanted to let you know that I chose the path that I'm on. No one forced me into it. The whole world was open to me, and I knew that, but sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to, and I'm ok with that. I'm ok with this mission. If I do die out there, it'll be for something that matters. My life will have mattered."

"Your life does matter. You've made a difference to so many people. Look at Brooke and Autumn. Look at Gale. Look at me. Without you, we'd all be screwed."

"I'm just…I'm not the hero. I'll never be the hero. Jacobs says that I'm not even supposed to be out of jail, let alone going on this mission. The people are outraged, calling for me to be put on trial for treason. I've never been that messiah, the one the people throw flowers at and believe in and hold on to." Her eyes flashed over to me. "I've always been an outsider, a villain struggling to prove to everyone that I'm good. In their eyes I'll never be good. Guilty until proven innocent, as always, except its impossible for me to prove my innoncence. So what am I supposed to do?" She looked out over the vast horizon.

"Fight on. They don't know it yet, but those people need you. When you come back from this mission and the enemy is destroyed, and it was by your plans and your actions, they'll love you again. You'll live out a nice life, and people will be forever grateful."

"I don't think it's going to work out like that." There was another pause. I didn't interrupt this one. "I guess I brought you here so you would remember me. If there's ever a moment in the future where you're starting to forget, you can come back here or think about this place, and you'll see my face, and remember my voice. That way, at least one person will know that I was here. I want to know that I mattered enough to one person for them to remember me."

"If I want to see your face or remember your voice, I'll just visit you." I laughed and elicited a smile from Sydney. "Really though. There's no way I'll ever forget you Sydney Harper, so don't worry about that." I put my arm around her shoulders and hugged her.

We stood there for a while as the sun dipped below the horizon. It was a peaceful moment, a thoughtless moment. Just Sydney, me and the world. I thought about those moments before the games, when Gale had suggested we run off and live in the woods. I could suggest that to Sydney now. We could go back and get Peeta and Gale, then run away and live in the north, but the same thing happened now that happened all those years ago. Responsibility set in, and I knew that wasn't an option. "It's getting late." Sydney said finally. "We should go back." I nodded, and we started to make our way back down.

Just as we were rounding the cliff face where the beautiful sight would disappear behind us, Sydney stopped and turned around. I stared at her, wondering if something was wrong, but she just paused for a moment, like she was memorizing the scene. I swear I saw a tear roll down her cheek, but she quickly turned to me and passed me, making her way back towards civilization.


	19. Chapter 19

KATNISS' POV

"This is where I leave you." Jacobs' voice was surprisingly quiet as we stood in the hangar awaiting our plane. "It's been an honor, a pleasure, to serve with each and every one of you, and I pray to God that you all make it home safe."

"With all due respect sir," Finnick said, "God isn't going to help us out there. It's your training, your preparation that's going to bring us home. So go ahead and take a little bit of credit." Now he let out his signature wide grin, and Jacobs even smiled a little.

You could almost feel the tension in the air. It was finally time to go. All of the plans were made. Our training was over; the mission that would either end our lives or save them was about to begin. I looked at the faces around me and smiled to myself. There was no group of people that I would rather be fighting with.

The last few days had been stressful. Our training had been amped up ten fold now that we were sorted into teams, and the mission had become more and more real with each passing day. We still had team dinners, and we still spent our free time in the apartment together, but you could sense the fear in the air. No one slept well, especially Sydney. I would wake up to find her pacing the living room, battle plans in hand, muttering to herself. Sometimes I tried to convince her to sleep, but she shrugged and waved me off. When I looked at her now, I sensed the exhaustion there, but also saw the fierce determination in her eyes. I hadn't brought up seeing her cry as we left the mountain. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know why she had.

"Be safe, soldiers." Jacobs raised his hand in salute, and we all returned the favor. It looked like he was going to say something else, but he just nodded his head. He took turns giving each of us a hand shake and a few words of wisdom.

His hand never quivered when I shook it. Even if he was afraid for us, he didn't show it. I knew what it was like to have to be strong for your squad, and Commander Jacobs did it better than anyone else. "Good luck." He said, his grip firm in mine.

"Thank you, sir. It's been a pleasure to serve for you."

"I'm sorry I ever doubted you. You turned into one hell of a human being, Katniss." I think that was the first time he ever called me by my first name. It was odd to hear it coming out of his mouth. I gave him final goodbye and turned to head towards Peeta, when he stopped me, placing his hand on my shoulder. "You have to be strong. There may be decisions that you have to make that you aren't proud of. There will be things you have to do that are hard to come to terms with, but I believe in you. Don't lose sight of why we're doing this, and remember that a personal or moral loss is sometimes a side effect of missions like these." I assumed he was referring to my hatred of the murdering of innocent people.

It was true that it had taken me a long time to accept that, but ultimately, the safety of my friends and family won out. It was killing me inside, but I knew I had to do this. "Don't worry. I've…accepted the deaths of those people. To an extent. I'll never really forgive myself for it, but its necessary."

This didn't seem to satisfy him. "Morals may not be the only thing you lose on this mission. Just remember the goal. Remember…" He stopped again. "You'll know what to do." He let go of my shoulder, a signal for me to move on.

As I walked away from him, I tried to puzzle out what he had said. When I was almost to the plane, a voice interrupted my frustration, "You honestly thought you would get out of saying goodbye to me?" Haymitch said.

I turned around and smiled. How could I forget about Haymitch? I walked up to him and held out my hand, ready for him to wish me luck or make a joke about how I was forever doomed. Instead, he opened his arms and drew me in for a hug. Words weren't necessary. This was huge coming from him, and suddenly I realized how important I was to him. Peeta and I had given his life purpose and meaning, and he had repaid us by saving our lives. It was an odd relationship to have, but we needed each other. Pulling away from me, he moved on to Peeta, who had appeared behind me, and gave him a similar bear hug. "I'll see you two when you get back. Keep each other safe. Who am I kidding?" He laughed. "You always do."

"Are you going to give us any tips? Any clues on how to survive?" Peeta joked.

"Get people to like us?" I said, mocking his advice from the first train ride we had together.

Haymitch turned around to the rest of the squad who was saying their final goodbyes to friends and family. "I think you've already done a pretty good job of that, sweetheart." He winked at us and turned around, walking back towards the entrance to thirteen.

It suddenly hit me that this could be the last time I saw him. During the games, I didn't really know Haymitch, or I didn't really care if I got to see him again. That had been about survival. My life had changed so much. When I went into the games for that first time, I only had to fight for my life. I didn't have anyone to get back to, other than Prim. Now I had Peeta, Haymitch, Gale, Sydney, Commander Jacobs, my mother, and the rest of my team. I had never been afraid of dying, but now, looking at all the people who I wanted to grow old with, I was determined to live, no matter what.

"We should probably board." Peeta squeezed my hand in his. "The sooner we take off the sooner it'll be over." I nodded in agreement, but just as I was about to turn and follow him, my gaze hovered on Commander Jacobs, who was saying goodbye to Sydney. The look in his eyes was solemn, and as Sydney reached out to shake his hand, he gave her a rough hug. I tried to read what they were saying, but I couldn't make it out. It was only a fleeting moment, a final goodbye, but there was something more there. "Kat?" Peeta asked from behind me. I shook the image out of my head and turned to follow him onto the plane.

SYDNEY'S POV

One hour later we were in the air, flying across the endless ocean on our way to Extasia. No one really spoke. Finnick chirped up a few times, and there were hushed conversations, but mostly everyone just kept to themselves. I laid my head on Gale's shoulder, squeezing his hand tightly. Nothing more had to be said between us. I needed to spend these last few hours with him.

I wished we were together, but I knew Katniss was the better chance. I would never know if he made it back ok. He would, Peeta would make sure of that. If he didn't…No. I couldn't let myself think about that. He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead lightly. I looked around. Katniss was sitting next to Peeta, holding his hand and talking to him quietly. Chase and Brooke were curled up in a chair together, fear written across their faces. This was the beginning of the end for all of us, but I knew we had to succeed here.

If we didn't go through with this mission, Panem was doomed. I knew the bomb had to be placed, the enemy wiped out. It was really the only option. This way was the hard way, but it was the only way. _Be brave Syd. You'll be ok._ Reassurances did nothing to help me now.

We sat like this for what seemed like days. It was only a few hours, and suddenly, a light clicked on, signifying that we were almost at our drop point. We would all get out and load into Humvees, which we would drive to our respective sites. My squad looked at each other anxiously, each person hoping the other had to answer to their questions. Finally, I stood up, realizing I had to take charge.

"I don't have a speech for you guys. I'm not Commander Jacobs, but I can try to remind you why we're here. You are Panem's last line of defense. We are the only chance of survival. This mission is the most important you'll ever go on. Look around at the people next to you, because you may never see them again. We are a squad, and together we will finish this fight." I felt the tears welling in my eyes, and saw the same looks reflected in their eyes. "It has been a pleasure to have all of you as teammates. No… as family." A light dinged overhead, signifying the drop point was approaching. "Good luck, and may the odds…be ever in our favor." The mocking of our pasts brought a final smile to the faces of my squad. I needed to see that, one last time.

No one said the words goodbye, because they all hoped to see each other again. I hugged Finnick more tightly, gave Johanna an extra squeeze, told Brooke to be brave. Finally, I got to Peeta, my last farewell before Gale. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him. "Take care of Gale." Peeta nodded, staring at me intensely. "And yourself. Please be careful Peeta." As he turned away, I pulled his arm back. "I'm sorry, about everything. I know we've had a rocky past, but you're still one of my closest friends. You make my best friend happier than anyone in the world, and I owe you everything for that."

"I'm sorry to, for driving a wedge between you. That time is behind us, and when we all get back, we'll have lots of time to make up for what we lost."

I looked at the ground, then back at my friend. "Take care of her Peeta. She's going to need you after this. Gale too. When you're back home…take care of them." Peeta could sense my hesitation. I could hear the questions forming on his lips, so I hugged him tightly. "Be safe Peeta."

I quickly moved away from him and turned to find Gale. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me into him, kissing me hard. I felt his soft, warm, inviting lips against mine, and wanted to stay in this position forever. Then, the warning sign dinged again, and I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I love you, Gale." I said. "More than you'll ever know."

"I love you, Sydney." He kissed me again. "I'll see you when you get back here. I'll see you." I forced myself to nod. I couldn't distract him. Not now. He reluctantly let go of my hand, and I watched him disappear into his truck, seeing his small smile for the last time.

Katniss waved at me from across the bay, and I ran over and jumped into the driver's side. The rest of our squad had already left, off to create the distractions that would allow for us to be successful. Locking the door and buckling my belt, I started the vehicle up. "Ready?" I asked her.

She laughed. "As I'll ever be." Nodding, I turned ahead and got the green light, pulling out into the jungle and driving away from the plane as fast as I could.

PEETA'S POV

"To your left!" I heard Gale shout. Dropping my shoulder, I rolled to the side, just missing the fire that would have hit me straight on. I raised my rifle and fired back, taking two men down.

We were deep into the meat of the city now. The explosives we continuously barraged onto the oncoming policemen was making my eyes water. I could feel the fatigue wearing on me. Once we had gotten inside, all we had done was run from alley to alley, creating as much havoc as we could. The point was to pull everyone towards the four corner's and keep their attention while Katniss and Sydney invaded the tunnels.

"Gale duck!" I yelled back. A crazed soldier ran at him, but Gale turned square and dropped his shoulder, causing the man to roll over his back and onto the ground. Raising his pistol, Gale fired twice, and the soldier was still. "We've gotta keep moving." I shouted over the carnage. There was gunfire all around us, the enemy soldiers not knowing which way to turn. "They'll trap us in here—"

Just then, a small green light clicked on the left side of my helmet three times in quick succession. That was the sign. They were in. I swallowed hard, fear entering my heart, it was time for us to get out, but now it was Sydney and Katniss' turn to be in danger, and that was way more frightening that getting shot at. Gale nodded at me and we braced ourselves against the side of the building. He held up a fist, the pointed forward as we burst onto the street.

He launched a flashbang back at the soldiers running towards us, then another three were tripped on a wire I had set before the shooting started. I turned and fired into the dust blindly, unable to hear the dying cries of the soldiers through the smoke. Turning on my heels, I ran as fast as I could down the street, trying desperately to get back to our car.

Gale and I fled like mad men. I felt him turning around and shooting, and I found myself doing the same. They were hot on our tails. Bullets sprang up at my feet and dust clouded my vision. I heard Gale cry out to my left and saw him fall. Firing a few shots back at our pursuers, I ran over to him, kneeling by his side. "Get up, man, Get up we have to go. To get out of here."

Rolling onto his side and writhing in pain, Gale clutched at his leg. I could see that it was bleeding, but there was another patch of blood blotting his shirt. He had been hit twice. "Come on Gale." I felt panic rise in my throat. He couldn't die. Not here. Not like this.

He shook his head. "You have to go, Peeta. Get out. Go home. Be happy. Don't die for me." I looked back and heard the shouts behind me. They were closing in. He was right. Then I turned my head and looked forward. I recognized where we were. The car wasn't far. The decision was right there, and I had to make it now. Gale clutched his leg again.

"No." I shook my head. "I won't let you die here." I put my arm around his shoulders and grunted, pulling him to his feet. "Think about Sydney. Think about your life. Don't quit on me now, Gale. You can't quit on me now." I yelled, forcing him forward.

He struggled against me, half leaning on me and half limping. I could see the vague outline of the Humvee in front of us. The smoke around me began to clear. We were almost there. The ground around me sprayed up, stones flying everywhere. This wasn't where it was going to end. Not for me, and not for Gale. Katniss' face flashed in my mind. Her smile. Her laugh. Our lives flashed in front of me. _Take another step Peeta._ I told myself. There she was, standing outside my window, starving for bread. Then again, at the reaping. There was the fire dress.

_Come on._ I thought. There were the berries. The determination on her face. _You can do this._ I forced my legs to move faster, carrying Gale almost completely as the victory tour and the quell flashed through my head. Seeing her again after I was hijacked. Kissing her for real. Our wedding. I felt my legs give out. _No, not when I'm so close._

Then I saw the future. _Our house in the village. A child running up and throwing his arms around me. Katniss with a baby in hers. My life. My future, finally perfect._ This is what got me to get up off my knees. I fought against it. I fought the fear and the anguish and the hoplessness. I pulled the handle on the car and hoisted Gale in, running over to the other side and starting it. I hit the gas and reversed us as bullets flew at the windshield.

I don't remember the drive out of the city. How I got there or how I made it. The next thing I knew, I was steering through the trees, begging for Gale to keep breathing, and smiling when I saw the plane in front of me.

KATNISS' POV

The first thing I noticed was the smell. It was worse than awful. The sewers were mostly out of use, but that didn't matter. It was still disgusting. The second thing I noticed was the silence. Besides the dull click of my boots and Sydney's next to mine, there was nothing.

We made our way warily, but quickly. I knew the faster we got the bomb to the center of the system, the faster we got out and the faster all of us could leave. However, underground was a terrifying and dangerous place, and we had to tread carefully to avoid getting crushed by some unknown force.

Suddenly, I heard another sound, like a stone dropping into water. "Sydney…" I said. She stopped and turned back to me. "I heard something. I don't know what—" I looked up above her head.

"What is it, Katniss?" Not sure exactly what I was seeing, I took a step closer. I felt my eyes grow wide. I grabbed her arm and pulled, just as the ceiling caved in over us. She looked at me, and we both heard the rumble. "Run!"

I didn't need to be told twice. We turned back the way we had come and took off as the ceiling behind us fell at our feet. My legs moved like lightning, forcing myself away from the onslaught of falling rock. There must have been a cracked line, or maybe a rig. I just knew that we could no longer get to where we needed to be. What we needed right now was to run.

"This way." I shouted over the falling rock. I pulled her hand down a corridor as the rock where we would have been fell. Holding the bomb close to her back, Sydney ran ahead of me, down to another crossroads. "Which way?" I asked, panting.

Then I heard a crash to my left. Shrugging, she ran to the right. "Guess it isn't much of a choice." She shouted. I ran after her, then shouted in horror as the ground fell from beneath Sydney's feet.

I ran over to the hole and threw my hand down, grabbing onto her sleeve. She was dangling above a very long and very dark hole. A sound rebounded from far below us, and I realized it was the rocks hitting the ground. Sydney looked up at me, panicked. "Don't let go." I said. I could feel her slipping. She pulled on my wrist, her other hand trying to grab the side. Feeling my muscles tense, I tried to pull. She was too heavy. Her hand slipped more. "Don't let go." I said again. I pulled harder, bracing my feet against the ground and wrapping my other hand around her arm. _Pull, Katniss._ She inched up. _You're strong enough for this. You can do this._ She inched up again. Just a little farther and she could grab on. I grunted, exerting the last of my strength and pushing myself backwards.

Sydney grabbed the opening to the hole and pulled herself out as I stumbled backwards, splaying out on the ground. "Thanks." She said, making sure the pack was secure. "I thought—"

I stood up. "Time for thanks later. I'm sure you'll pay me back." I heard the tunnels behind us collapsing. Nodding in agreement, we stepped around the hole carefully, and ran onwards.

We weaved our way through various sewers, directed only by what was falling and what wasn't. There was an odd, random pattern, but I didn't let myself think about it. Eventually, we reached a stopping point, a large, spacious cavern with water running through it lightly. Sydney stopped moving and put her hands on her knees. We waited in silence, wandering which tunnel to take next.

The quiet had returned. The eery silence was back, and I didn't like it. "The tunnels, they stopped exploding."

Sydney shook her head. "I don't understand. This wasn't random. It couldn't have been." We looked at each other. Who was responsible?

Then, I felt hands around mine, ripping my rifle from my grip and holding me. I struggling against me, and yelped when one of the assailants kicked in the back of my knees, forcing me down. A strike hit the back of my head, and I saw stars. I stopped resisting. It was pointless. I looked up and saw a man, walking out of one of the tunnels, dressed in a suit. "Well, well, looks like you're smarter than I thought, daughter dear." Sydney froze. I saw her rifle drop to her side. "But I'm afraid you figured it out a little too late."

"This is your dad?" I shouted at Sydney. Nodding slowly, I saw shock on her face. I needed to snap her back to reality. "I'm not really liking him to much. Seems like an asshole." I cried out again as one of my guards struck me across the face.

It seemed to work, and Sydney shook her head. "You knew." She said in disbelief. "You knew we would come here. And you were ready for us."

"More like…hoped. I hoped you would come here."

"So it was a setup. All of it." Sydney's hands clenched into fists. "We thought we were ahead of you, but we were behind."

"Well, I must say, I didn't anticipate that you would bring such a small force. The men you sent into the city fought bravely. And I think most of them escaped." _Peeta_. I thought. "No matter, I'm not so concerned about them. It's you who is the star of the show, sweetheart." He walked up to Sydney and stroked her cheek, but she slapped his hand away. He gritted his teeth angrily, then the confident smirk returned.

"You led us in here. You set up the explosions."

"Correct." I hated that smile. I wanted to wipe it off his face. "I have you trapped here, and yet its you who has the power." He pointed to her pack. "Its you who has the bomb. So set it off!" He jested. "What are you waiting for?" Fake fear crossed his face, but then the knowing smile returned again. "Ah, but you can't, can you?"

"Just bypass the timer." I said. "Kill us now. Come on, Syd." I was ready to die, if it meant saving Panem.

"Timer?" Her father said. Looking between us, he laughed. "You lied to them? Wow, nice leadership Sydney. Just what I would've done. They probably wouldn't have come if they knew that a sacrifice had to be made to set off this ultimate weapon." He seemed to sense my confusion. "You see, to make sure that not just anyone could set off the most powerful weapon in history, we made it so only two people could activate it. We destroyed the timer system, and replaced it with one activated by this." He held up his hand.

So he had to touch the device. That was what needed to be done. "Some failsafe. A good way to get yourself killed." I spat.

"So here's my question for you, Sydney. You knew all of this. Which meand you weren't surprised when the tunnels collapsed. Which means you knew I would lead you somewhere. You even hoped I would, because you need my palm print to activate the device. So why come here with your friend?" He looked at me. "Why force her to die as well?"

"I needed protection, but she was supposed to be gone. I was going to fake dying and get her out of here." Sydney looked back at me, painfully. "Let her go. She has nothing to with this."

"Au contraire my dear. She has everything to do with this." He paced over to her. "You see, you seem to think that you're so much better than me. That you're battling to overcome me. But in reality, you're going to find that you're just like me." He nodded to his guard, who put a pistol to my head. The other one stepped away. Sydney raised her gun and pointed it at him.

"I'm nothing like you." She said, glancing back and forth between her father and me. "So if you knew I knew you would come, why are you here?" She asked through gritted teeth. "Why not stay away instead of pretending to let me outsmart you?"

"I'm here to force you to make a choice." He said, taking a step back. Sydney swiveled her gun around to him. He held his own pistol up to his hands. "You can shoot me, and stop me from destroying the key to your only way out, or you can save your friend from the bullet my guard is going to put in her head." Sydney swiveled back to me, then back to her father.

"Kill him, Syd." I shouted. "For Panem. Please." I was ready to die for this. I wouldn't let her father manipulate her.

"Yes, Sydney, please!" Her father laughed maniacally. "Kill me and let your closest friend die. Do it for the nation. For the pride. Become the animal, Sydney. The cold hearted killer you were supposed to be." Her gun flew back and forth. "Choose." He said again. My mind flashed back. To a choice I had to make. A choice between Sydney and Prim, with Snow whispering the same things in my ear.

Closing my eyes, I prepared to die. There was nothing I could do. I knew the decision she was going to make. The one she had to make. I heard her take a deep breath. "I'm nothing like you." She said, staring into his eyes. "And I will never, let myself become like you." Then, her gun pivoted, and the guard by my side dropped, her shot going right through his head.

I looked up just in time to see her father shoot through his only hand. "Sydney, no." I whispered. Our key was gone. The only way to save the nation was gone. Sydney turned her gun on her father, who was smiling like a mad man, clutching his bloody hand.

"You lose." He smirked again. She walked up and pointed her gun to his head.

"No. You do." The trigger pulled, and her father slumped to his side.

I got up painfully, my head bleeding from a fresh wound. I walked over and put my hand on her shoulder. "We should get out of here. They're going to come for us soon." She just stayed still, staring at her father. "You shouldn't have saved me." I whispered. "He was the key."

She turned around and faced me, then walked past me to the bomb, unwrapping it. "No…he wasn't." She took it out and pressed a few buttons, revealing a screen. "Katniss, I need you to do something for me." She looked deep into my eyes.

"Anything." I answered.

"I need you to run. Run all the way to the extraction point. Get on the plane. When you guys get out of range, send me the three tap signal."

I shook my head. "I won't leave you here to die. We'll regroup Syd. Figure something out."

"We don't have to." She said. I saw tears come to her eyes. "He wasn't the key, Katniss."

"Then what is?" I asked.

"Me." She said. "When Snow told me about the bomb, I knew it would be impossible to get my father to set it off. So I worked with Beetee. It took forever, and everyone said it was impossible, but he figured it out. He couldn't change the palmpring, only modify it. Turns out prints are inherited." She laughed lightly, holding back tears. "Mine is very, very close. It didn't take much…"

Suddenly, it all made sense. Her morbid attitude for the past few weeks. The way she was so ready to die. It was because she knew she had to. "I won't leave you here." I shook my head. "I can't."

"Katniss. You have to. I'm the only one who can save us." She got up and threw her arms around me, pulling me in close. I heard vague shouting above us. "You have to go, now." I shook my head, but she pushed me away. "Please. I need you to let me go."

"I'll die here with you."

"No." She said, sternly. "Go back to Panem. Grow old. Have kids. Mess up a few times. Get in trouble. Be happy. Live you life. For me." I started to back up. I didn't want to leave her. I wanted to die here with her. "Go." She whispered. I turned around and ran.

The tears were running down my cheeks. The map out of the tunnels was illuminated on my head display, and I followed it blindly. I don't know how I felt the strength to go on. I don't know what stopped me from going back to Sydney. This was what she wanted. _For Panem._ I told myself with every step. _You have to save Panem._

I was back in the Humvee, driving through the streets, then the jungle, the tears still coming. The plane was right in front of me. I skidded to a stop and hopped out, sprinting towards it. I ran on. "Close the door!" I shouted to everyone and no one in particular. I ran towards the captain.

"Where's Sydney?" I heard Peeta ask.

"Take off now!" I shouted. The pilot looked between me and Peeta.

"Katniss—"

"Go!" I yelled through the tears. The pilot seemed to take the hint. The hatch closed behind me. I felt Peeta's arms around me, but I ignored them. We traveled quickly, then I saw the map light up. We had passed out of the territory. Sydney's face flashed in my head. I sobbed again, and raised a shaking hand to my helmet. The team was staring at me, wondering what the hell was wrong. All I saw was Sydney's face. Then, I clicked my signal three times, and the city exploded behind us.


	20. Chapter 20

NOTE: Ok! So I updated twice in quick succession, so if you haven't read the last chapter about the mission and the conclusion of that, please do! Don't be confused by this. Thank you all so much for reading. This is the final chapter, but I'm planning on an epilogue so return for that. I hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I have writing. Review!

"I know today's been hard." Haymitch said, sadly. "But thank you for coming." My eyes were trained on the carpet in front of me. The pounding in my head from the crying and the stress was unbearable, and I just wanted to go home. To leave thirteen forever and forget about the pain.

When I woke up the morning after our mission, I expected Sydney to be sitting there, feet propped up on my bed, saying "Have a nice sleep, sweetheart?" Just like last time I thought she was dead. I thought it was going to be a bad dream, or some sort of fluke. For that whole day, and even the one after, I walked around waiting for her to pop out and laugh at me for thinking she was really dead.

But she didn't. The funeral had been proof for that. It had been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. There wasn't even a body to bury, so we stared a picture of her and tried to console each other with happy memories and notes about her bravery, but I could feel everyone's eyes on me. Or maybe it was just my subconscious convincing me that they all blamed me.

I knew that wasn't really true. No one blamed me for the decision I had to make. They excepted that Sydney wanted this, that she had planned this, and there was nothing I could do. It didn't help with the guilt. I hated Sydney for leaving me with this. Why did she take me down into those tunnels, knowing that I was going to have to leave her to die? Was it some sort of sick joke to put me through?

Even thinking about it now I got angry. At the same time, I only felt sad. There was no way I could truly be upset with Sydney, not after what she had done for Panem. Our enemies were destroyed, thanks to her, and we could go on living our lives in peace. Luckily, no one else on the squad had perished on the mission, though several were shot or seriously injured. We were all consoling each other, and it seemed like they had all forgiven me. Everyone, that is, except for Gale.

He was standing across from me, staring at a fixture on the desk in front of us. His suit was disheveled, the top button unbuttoned and his tie on crookedly. His eyes were bloodshot, and not just from crying. The smell of alcohol emanated off of him, and he hadn't shaved since the mission, leaving him with a messy beard that only made his appearance all the more sad. He hadn't said anything to me since he had woken up from his surgery and found out that I had left Sydney in the tunnels. The anger and animosity hurt more than he would ever know.

"Can we just get this over with?" Gale spoke, his voice strained and filled with anger. He turned painfully, leaning on the cane they had given him. I learned from Peeta that he had been shot by the soldiers in the streets, and had barely made it himself. Without Peeta's bravery, Gale would be dead too, although right now, I didn't think he would mind that. "I want this to be done."

Haymitch sighed. "Sydney didn't really have anything to give out. She was essentially a ward of the state, being an orphan. Her father's possessions were all pulled away when we discovered he was a traitor, and her Coin didn't leave her anything. However," He reached into his inner coat pocket, "She gave me explicit instructions to hand these out when you returned."

He was holding three white envelopes, each with our names on them. One for Gale, one for Peeta, and one for me. Peeta let go of my arm and walked over to get his envelope, taking mine and handing it to me. "Thank you Haymitch." He said, clapping him on the shoulder.

I looked at the blank white paper, running my fingers over my name, scrawled in Sydney's messy hand writing. This was the last thing that was left of her. My eyes met Haymitch's and I nodded. Part of me blamed him. He and Jacobs' had let her go through with this stupid plan after all. It was their fault that she was dead, just as much as it was mine, but putting the blame on people wouldn't bring her back, so I let it go.

Gale limped over to Haymitch and stood in front of him, hands balled into fists. "So this is it?" He laughed bitterly. "A letter?"

"Better than nothing." Haymitch said. "Appreciate what you have, what you had. She was an amazing person, and what she sacrificed—"

"Save it." Gale snatched the letter out of Haymitch's hand. Turning towards the door, he started to walk away. "For someone who still cares."

"Gale," Peeta grabbed his arm. Gale spun around and glared at him. "Don't be like this, man. Don't let this destroy you. She wouldn't have wanted that."

"How the hell do you know what she would've wanted?" He spat. "Did she tell you she was planning to die too? Was everyone in on it except for me?" Shaking his head, he ripped his arm from Peeta's grip and got close to his face. "You should've let me die out there, Peeta. Should've left me on the ground to bleed out. You told me to fight for what I had, well what exactly is that?" He looked around. "Nothing. I have nothing." He looked towards me. "Enjoy your life, because as usual, you two get to live happily ever after while the rest of us try to find a reason to wake up every day."

Gale stalked out of the room, and I sighed, putting my head in my hands. "She wanted you to read them separately. Said it was personal." Haymitch said from behind us.

I looked to Peeta. He kissed my forehead. "I'll see you later tonight, ok?" I just nodded numbly.

Haymitch put his hand on my shoulder. "Gale will come around." He said softly.

"No he won't." I answered. "I don't know if I deserve it if he does." I felt tears pool in my eyes. "I should've saved her Haymitch. There was something I could have done to save her."

"You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved, sweetheart. Sometimes you have to learn that not every problem can be solved so simply. There are things that we have to do, choices that we have to make, that we will think on forever. But eventually, you have to stop living with what if, and start living with what is." He gave me one last fleeting smile before turning and leaving the room.

Staring at the envelope in front of me, I considered throwing in the fireplace in front of me and not reading it at all. I was angry at her for leaving me, but maybe there was a reason in here. A way to start living with what is, as Haymitch said. Taking a deep breath, I ripped open the top of the envelope, and unfolded the final words of my best friend.

_Katniss, _

_If you're reading this, that means that we succeeded in our mission. Or we failed, and I'm showing you why I was so depressed for the last few weeks, in which case, turn to me and hit me, then forgive me, because we're all going to die soon anyway. _

_I'm assuming it's the first one if you're still reading, so I guess the first thing I have to say is, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I put you through this. It must not seem fair to you, that I took you into the tunnels with me. When I made the decision to die like this, I didn't want anyone to be involved, but I know that if I went in alone, I would've died long before I could complete the mission. So I had to choose someone to go with me. I chose you._

_Don't be so angry. We had all those competitions to see who would go in the tunnels, but Jacobs knew who the pair would be before we even started. All that we had to do was convince you that we were the best, which we are. You might be wondering why, and I'll try to answer that. _

_You see, it had to be you. You're the only one whose strong enough. The only one who has the sense and the ability to make the choice of leaving me behind. Gale would've wanted to die with me. Peeta would've knocked me out and dragged me out of the tunnels. I know you probably wanted to do both of those things, and you may be cursing yourself now for not doing them, but I want to tell you that you did the right thing. _

_This is what I wanted. Only you could understand and respect that. I know that this decision was impossible, and I've hurt you and caused you a lot of pain and guilt, but you have to let that go. It was my choice, my decision, I just needed someone who was strong enough to let go to come with me. There's nothing I can do to make you feel less guilty about this, and for that I'm sorry. I had to die, Katniss. _

_Hopefully one day you'll forgive yourself, and me. I guess all that's left to say is how much you meant to me. I've told you this before, but you're the only real family I've ever had. Everything I've had to face, every obstacle I've had to overcome, has been made easier with you're help. I never had sister until I met you, but I knew from the second I met you that you would be different. I've always liked you, even that time you tackled me to the ground and punched me when I refused to hurt you. I think I still have a scar over my eye from that. _

_Anyway, I hope that made you laugh. This letter is probably getting really long and rambly, and I'm sorry for that. I need you to do me three favors. The first is to keep a secret. I made a deal with President Snow to find out information about the bomb. I promised him freedom in exchange for the key to defeating Extasia. Fortunately, no one knows about this except for the two of us. Keep it that way. Secondly, go to the hill that I hopefully showed you by now at sundown the day you get this letter. There's nothing else I can leave you with, as I don't really own anything, but I up there is something that you should hold on to forever. It's really important, and I hope you'll promise me to never lose it. _

_Finally, I need you to let go. Remember me, but forgive yourself, and please, help Gale to forgive you, and me for that matter. I know how badly he must be hurting, and that kills me. _

_You're stronger than you think, Katniss. You've been through more than anyone should go through in their lifetime, and you deserve to relax. Go back to twelve and just live. Be happy with Peeta. Laugh a little, cry a little, have a few kids and just grow old. I hope that my sacrifice made it possible for you to be safe for the rest of your life. I was never meant to live a life like that, but all I've wanted is for the people I love to be able to. Whatever you do, don't forget who you are. Don't forget what we've been through, and tell your kids about this. About me and Peeta and Gale and Finnick and squad 451. Everyone should know that you're a hero. I love you, Katniss. _

_Stay Strong, _

_Sydney_

The letter fell out of my hand and onto the ground. Sobs wracked by body as the last words of Sydney harper resonated in my mind. She was gone, really truly gone. I picked the paper up off the ground and walked out of the room.

I don't know how long I wandered around thirteen. There was no where I really wanted to go. Peeta was probably waiting for me, but I needed to be alone right now. Alone with my thoughts, and Sydney's. Then I remembered what she said about the hill, and I made my way to the surface.

I didn't bother changing out of my dress. My mind wasn't there right now. All I wanted to do was climb. Was to discover that part of Sydney she had left me to cherish forever. It took a few hours, and I got lost, but I recognized the rocky outcropping just as the sun was lowering on the horizon. When I walked around the edge and into the open air, the sight took my breath away.

I looked for a sign of what Sydney had meant. I read through her letter again, wondering if there were clues in there as to where this gift was. Then, I heard rustling in the trees, and I turned quickly to see Peeta emerging from the woods. I looked at him, puzzled. "What are you going here?"

He held up his letter. "Sydney told me to come here at sundown. She said she left something here for me that I should hold on to. Something that I should—"

"Never lose." I finished his sentence for him. It made sense now, and I shook my head, chuckling at Sydney's cleverness. I could almost see her smirking right now at her genius. The laughter quickly turned to tears, and Peeta walked over and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. "She probably thinks she's so clever."

I felt Peeta smile against my head. He pulled me back and wiped my tears away with his sleeve. "I know this is hard. And we're going to miss her every day, but she's right. And I promise that I will never let you go. That I will hold you every day and love you every second, and that nothing, no one, will ever tear me away from you, Katniss. You're my life. I love you, so much, and I always will."

I looked out at the sunset at our backs. This was how it had started, with Peeta and I, together, fighting for our lives every day. This is how it would end. Turning back to him, I smiled, "I love you too. Always." He kissed me again, then pulled me close to him, and I buried my head in his chest. I would never forget this. Him or Sydney or anything we had done here. It was imprinted on my heart. The games and my past and the fight for our nation. I was a fighter, I was the mockingjay, and I would survive, just like I always had. Letting out a long sigh, I closed my eyes, finally safe. It was all finally over, and despite everything I had lost, I was glad. I knew there was no way I could truly live a normal life, not now. Sydney's death would haunt me every day, but I would forgive myself eventually.

I looked at Peeta and stroked his hair. This was all I needed. "It's time to go home." I whispered. "For good." He smiled and took my hand. As we rounded the side of the hill, I looked back, just as Sydney had, and I swore that I could see her face, disappearing into the sunset. This was where she belonged, safe and sound in the most beautiful place I had ever seen. Then, the image was gone, and I turned around to follow Peeta, smiling to myself as we made our way home.


	21. Epilogue

NOTE: The epilogue! So sad, but thanks again. Make sure to review.

KATNISS' POV

My boots scuffed against the stones on the path to the Victor's Village. Even after 15 years I never got over the beauty of the sun streaming across the sky behind my house early in the morning. The walk back from the woods was one of my favorite parts of the day. The fresh air smelled damp, the rain from last night fresh in the air, but the warm summer air swirled around me, and I never felt so at home.

I quickly glanced down at my watch and picked up the pace. It was almost ten o'clock, and I had a lot to do before noon. The tents were all set up in the courtyard, and I could hear voices shouting to each other, placing the chairs up in neat rows. When I reached my house, I smiled when I heard my mother's voice above the rest, taking charge and instructing the workers on what to do. Pushing my key in and opening the door quickly, I took my boots off and set them down in the bottom of the coat closet.

I no longer carried a game bag, as I mostly just hunted for sport now. All of Panem was well fed, what with the new farming innovations implemented by the tech center of district thirteen, so there was no need for my squirrels and deer now. It was just a way to calm myself, clear my mind, and remind myself of who I was. "So hunting went well?" I heard Peeta ask, his voice calling out from the kitchen doorway.

Smiling widely, I made my over to him and kissed him lightly on the mouth. "It was perfect. How could you tell?"

He shrugged. "You're smile." The grin that spread across his face was so genuine. I leaned in and pressed my lips against his, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him close. I pulled back and pressed my forehead against his, biting my lips to try and stop my smile from spreading too wide. "I love you, Mrs. Mellark." He whispered.

"And I love you." He leaned in to kiss me again, when I heard a small voice from the kitchen.

"Gross. Cut it out!" I laughed and pulled away from Peeta. My son was standing there in his pajamas, hair disheveled in the most adorable way. Kneeling down next to him I smoothed it back, and he frowned slightly, but then I tickled his sides, and a smile spread across his face. Before he knew it he was rolling on the floor with laughter. "Ok, ok! I give in I give in!"

I let go of him and he got up, throwing his arms around my neck. "Marley mom's home!" He yelled next to my ear. He was only twelve, and he probably didn't want his sister to see him hugging me. Less cool.

"Move, Tim!" His sister pushed him aside and gave me a hug. When I pulled her back, she was smiling brightly. "Mom, dad let me help make breakfast. Pancakes, yum. We saved some for you, I made Tim stop eating them. Also, Aunt Primrose and Grandma came by before they went to set up for the wedding. Yesterday, when I visited the medicine shop-" For a second, time froze. I had been here before, or at least near here. A long, long time ago I had a dream like this, and part of me expected to wake up right now. For my daughter's voice to go mute like it had back then, and to wake up in Peeta's arms, laying in a bed in our apartment in district thirteen. But there was no waking up. My daughter continued her story, "They let me help mix the medicine and stuff. It was cool."

I patted her head and ruffled her hair. "That's great, but you two have to get ready! Look what time it is. We're going to be late if we don't hurry up. Tim go with your father, he'll help with the tux and tie." I grabbed Marley by the hand and took her into her bedroom. She rattled on about a dream she had last night and I laughed. There was a wiseness behind her huge, blue eyes, one that I would never understand. She inherited those from her father, but Peeta said she got her attitude from me. Rebellious and strong-willed, she reminded me more of Sydney than anyone else.

Not a day went by when I didn't think about my best friend. It got easier, over time. The memories came with smiles instead of tears, and it got easier to talk about her. When Marley was born and started talking, I was amazed at how like Sydney she truly was. Just the way she spoke and acted and walked around like she owned every room she was in. She had inherited just the right amount of Peeta's charm and my spunk to be the perfect combination, just like Sydney had been. While she was only eight, I could see the image of my friend in her, and that made me happy. I could only hope my daughter would grow up to be like Sydney Harper.

I slipped her dress over her head and brushed out her hair. Then, using careful technique taught by my mother, I curled in with an iron and topped it all with a deep purple bow. She looked adorable, as all flower girls should. "Don't you have to get ready, mom?" She asked, her eyes shining up at mine.

I kissed her forehead. "Why, yes. I guess I do little duck. Why don't you go outside and see whose here. Ask Grandma if you can help with anything, but don't get your dress dirty, ok."

"I will try." She said with a flick of her eyes and another smirk_. Spitting image_. I laughed, heading to the bathroom to wash the dirt off of myself.

The warm water fell down over me in waves, and I took a deep breath. It felt good, but I knew I needed to hurry. I was in the wedding, at the groom's request, so I had to be there early. No doubt everyone would be nervous, and the little stability I could provide would help matters. When I stepped out into the room in my fluffy towel, wet hair dripping onto the floor, Peeta was there, standing in front of the mirror and buttoning up his shirt. He turned to look at me when I entered, and smiled. I dropped my towel to the floor and started to put on underwear and a bra. "No, I think you should go like that." Peeta said, walking over to me. "I wouldn't mind, really, though you might outshine the bride." I laughed and kissed him as his arms wrapped around me. "Who am I kidding, you will anyway?"

We kissed again, but I pulled back, much to Peeta's dismay. "We have to get ready. There's a wedding to be had." He rolled his eyes and let me go reluctantly.

"Yeah, she's got enough to deal with. The best man and one of the bridesmaids being late wouldn't help matters." I chuckled slightly, but couldn't bring myself to smile. The same sad thoughts had haunted me this morning as well. Peeta seemed to sense my dismay as he roped his tie around his neck. "What's wrong, Kat?" He asked.

Pulling my dress over my head, I shook my head. There shouldn't be anything wrong. One of my closest friends was getting married today. "I don't know." I shrugged. "It's just so weird. I never thought Gale would get married. At least not…I mean, I thought that it would be…"

"Sydney." He said, eyes dropping to the floor. I nodded half-heartedly.

"It's like he's replacing her. I'm afraid that when he gets married, he'll forget she was ever here. Then I'll forget she was here, and it'll be like she never existed. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. That I dreamed her up and it never really happened. Grace is a fantastic woman, and Gale deserves someone like her. It's really awful of me to think like this." I felt tears rush to my eyes.

"Hey, hey," Peet walked back over to me, turning me around to zip up my dress for me. "It's ok to miss her. I miss her too, and so does Gale, but he has to move on Katniss. To be honest, I never thought he would. I still don't think he has, not completely. But Grace does make him happy, and that's what matters. Nothing will make us forget Sydney. I promise you that I won't let that happen." He lips met mine again, and he pressed my head into his shoulder, stroking my hair. I had promised her I wouldn't let anyone forget. The letter would be an everlasting reminder of that, burned into my memory forever.

I smiled. "I know." He went back to put on his jacket and cummerbund, and I braided my hair with practiced fingers, looping it around my head and pinning it in place with the lavender rose all bridesmaids wore. I put a thin veil of makeup on my face, then did up my eyes like Grace had specified. Turning to Peeta, I held my arms open. "How do I look?"

"Stunning, as always." He did the same. "How about me?"

"Spectacular." He grabbed my hand and we walked together downstairs and out of the house to the courtyard where the tents were set up. My mother waved me over quickly.

"Thank god you're here. Grace is in a state, and she says that she wants to talk to you. No one knows what its about. Johanna's been trying to talk to her, but she only wants you." Puzzled, I followed her to my old house, which was being used as the dressing rooms for the bride to get ready. Grace and I had never been especially close. We had only met a few times, and while I thought she was extremely nice and great for Gale, it wasn't like we were any more than distant friends. I was only part of the bridal party because of Gale.

"Why me?" I asked my mother. "Is she getting cold feet or something?"

"No. I think she fears he is." My mother shook her head. "I think she's afraid of his…convictions."

Suddenly, I understood. Knocking on the door, I gave my mother an anxious look, "Grace, it's Katniss. Open the door. I'm here for you."

Johanna and Grace's two sisters were there, anxiously awaiting her response. "Come in. I unlocked it." Her voice sounded strained. I widened my eyes and sighed, giving my mother one last fleeting look as I stepped inside. I had never really been good with girl talk. It's why I didn't have that many female friends.

I let the door click closed behind me. Grace was standing in front of the vanity, staring in the mirror, eyes wide. It looked like she had cried a little, but there wasn't too much damage to her makeup. "Hi." I said, awkwardly, making my way towards her. "You're weddings going to start soon. It can't exactly go on without you." Ok, maybe jokes weren't exactly my strong suit.

Grace gave me a sympathetic smile. She was really perfect. Anyone who laughed at something I said was too kind. Her raven hair fell to her shoulders in waves. The veil hadn't been put in place yet, but it was almost a sin to have it there. She had a beautifully innocent face, full of goodness and strength. Her eyes were a deep brown and her smile was simple and elegant. There was no evil in her, no struggle, no pain, only hope. Peeta was wrong, I couldn't outshine her. Not today. "It's kind of you. I know I'm not exactly the comic relief." I said.

Sighing, she put her hands on the vanity in front of her, doe eyes trained on the brush in front of her. "What was she like?" She asked softly.

Confused, I stepped closer. "Who, what was who like?"

"Sydney Harper. The girl that Gale loved. What was she like?" My breath caught in my throat. It was hard enough to think about her, but I hadn't talked about her to anyone other than Peeta for years. It was a subject we tended to avoid, as all of us were still wounded by it. I stammered a little, and she shook her head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask you that. I know it must be hard for you. I just…I feel like she was this amazing enigma who I'll never understand. This girl who was everything anyone ever wanted who I could never even dream of competing with. I just want to know if I ever have a chance."

"It's ok." I said. My hands folded across my chest. "Sydney was…incredible. You're right about that. She was smart and witty and courageous and loyal. There was an air of confidence to her that I haven't found next to anyone, and that made her sexy and exciting. She would do anything for the people she loved, and there was nothing that could stand in her way when she wanted something." Grace's shoulders fell and I saw a tear fall down her cheek. "But, Sydney was also stubborn and willful. Cruel, at times, and cocky. Elitist and more than a little arrogant. She and Gale fought, all the time. If they weren't fighting, there was usually something wrong."

This didn't seem to make her feel any better. "Look, I really suck at this. I don't want you to panic." I stood next to her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"How am I supposed to compete with someone who is dead? Someone who can never do wrong in his eyes again, and of whom he has this immortal image burned into his mind."

"Grace, Gale loves you. You make him a better man. Your kindness and strength are the reason he's alive. When you found him, he was this close to death, struggling with issues that your wonder-woman left him when she died. She was amazing, and my closest friend and sister, but that doesn't make a difference. Gale is marrying you because he loves you, and he can't imagine his life without you. The reason that you're the only one for him is because you can accept that a part of him will always love her. It's buried, and it's pained, but it's there, and for you, that's ok. It's the reason that I liked you so much when we first met. That's what Gale needs. Acceptance."

She shook her head. "You're right. I've always known that. I just, I guess I panicked. Bridezilla and all that."

I laughed. "You have been the polar opposite of a bridezilla. If anything, Johanna is the one whose made me want to tear my hair out." That got her to smile. "You're going to smudge your makeup if you cry more." I scolded playfully.

"I know, I know." She dabbed at her tears with a tissue. "You look beautiful, by the way. I understand how you captivated an entire nation."

That one got me to snort with laughter. "Hilarious." Grace had been our age when the games had happened. She had seen everything. "But I could never be more stunning than you are. Really, that designer outdid herself. Your gown is amazing." I grabbed her hand. "Now let's go, we have a wedding to get to, and I think your sisters are panicking."

"Katniss," she stopped me, "thank you. I was kind of sick of everyone lying to me about her. I always knew she was amazing, I just needed someone to be honest with me. And I'm glad. That he loved her. It's made him into the man he is today. She must've really been something."

I smiled as we walked to the door. "Yeah, that she was." I handed Grace off to her sisters. "I'm going to go visit the groom. I'll meet you in the aisle." I squeezed her hand, making my way outside.

The guests had started to take their seats, and I waved to Chase and Brooke as they talked busily with my sister. Annie was sitting in the front row with Haymitch and Jacobs. Her and Finnick's son was the ring bearer to Marley's flower girl, and Finnick himself was a groomsmen, so they were occupying her. I smiled at her as I made my way to Haymitch's place. It was fixed up and serving as the place for the groom to prepare. "Knock, knock." I said, turning my head away. "Is it safe to come in?"

"You can turn you're head, Catnip, it's safe." Gale was standing in the living room, sipping on a glass of water and talking to his groomsmen.

"Can I have a minute to speak with the groom, gentlemen?" I asked. They laughed and slapped Gale on the back, heading to the opening of the aisle to get ready to walk. When they were gone, Gale sighed and smiled brightly. "Are you ready?" I asked, walking over and hugging him tightly.

"Yeah, yeah. I think so." His smile was infectious. "I love her, Katniss. So much."

"I know you do, Gale."

"I heard she was a little worried. I'm afraid she's getting cold feet. Your sister said you talked to her? What happened?"

"She's not getting cold feet, but I did talk to her. She was just a little…nervous. About…things. Just needed reassuring of how you feel about her. Pre-wedding jitters you know."

He looked at me suspiciously. "Katniss, you're my oldest friend. I know when you're lying or not telling the whole truth. What was wrong?"

I sighed. "She was asking me about Sydney. Wanting to know what she was like."

"And?" His voice was strained and soft.

"I told her the truth. That Sydney was amazing and that you loved her more than anything." He looked at me angrily. "But I also told her that I've never seen anyone as happy with someone as you are with her. And that you're damaged, but she fixed you, and that's what you need. Someone who is willing to share you."

"You think she has to share me?" He asked.

"Of course I do, Gale. It would be kind of cruel to lie to yourself like that." He sighed, but I put my arm around him. "And that's ok. There's a hole in your heart. I know the feeling, but this woman is going to make you happy. You don't have to forget about Sydney. Share her. Cherish her, but know that she's gone. Grace, on the other hand, is here, and ready to give you her heart. Take it, and hold on to it. She deserves that."

"I will." He smiled. I made my way back to the door, bidding him well and letting go of his hand. "Katniss, she was real, wasn't she? Sydney? That wasn't a dream, right? It actually happened. It was all real."

I shook my head. "Yeah, she was real. Unfortunately." I turned my head to the sky. "Damn you, Sydney." I said jokingly. Gale laughed, but I saw a tear fall down his cheek. I was right. He would always love her, and he would be happy with Grace, but there would always be that hole there. For all of us.

The ceremony was beautiful. Grace and Gale looked happy, and for that moment, I knew Sydney was forgotten, and I didn't mind. She would return, hopefully in a nondetrimental way. The reception was even better. There was a lot of dancing to be had, and Peeta had me in his arms all night.

"Mom, mom," I felt a tug on my dress. Marley, Tim and Jace, Finnick's son, were all standing at my heels. Jace stood almost as tall as I was, dwarfing my son with all of his fifteen years. "Grandma said we ran out of candlesticks and it's getting too dark." Tim said with an exaggerated look of concern.

"There are some in the basement. Think you can go get them for me?" I looked to the three of them. "It would really help me out. There in one of the boxes, just bring them right here and I'll sort them out." Tim and Jace ran off, pushing each other in their hurry. Marley scurried after her older brother, yelling for him to wait.

"Our kids are adorable." Peeta whispered into my ear.

"Yes they are." I rested my head on his shoulder as a soft, sweet melody played in the background. "We've done alright, haven't we?" I asked.

"I would say so." He laughed. "Of all the rolls you've played; sister, daughter, tribute, victor, Mockingjay, hero, I think mother fits you best, followed so closely by incredible wife." He added. I had to agree with him. Being his wife and the mother to our two children were the best things I had ever done. We danced slowly like this for a while, surrounded by friends. I took a second to cherish this. It made me realized just how amazing my life had been.

"Mom," I felt another tug on my dress as the song ended. I turned to see a box with two small legs underneath it, laughing when I realized it was Marley. "I found this."

"I told her we were looking for candles, but she had to pick this up." Tim ran up, trying to explain. He and Jace held the candlesticks between them.

Marley looked up at me apologetically, but I smiled at her, taking the box and setting it on the table near us. Marley jumped up into the chair eagerly, leaning on the table as I opened the cardboard. Inside were photos, journals and other mementos of those three years of my life. I gasped. "What is it mom?" I heard Marley ask. Peeta's hand was on my shoulders, and suddenly, everyone was crowding around us.

"Nothing." I picked up a picture. It was of the squad, on one of our off days. We were all laughing and joking about something in the living room. "It's just..old memories, sweetheart."

"Who is this?" She held up a picture of me in my tribute uniform. It was the propaganda they had used during the first games.

"That's your mother, sweetheart." Peeta said from behind me. Marley looked, amazed, between me and the photo. I definitely looked younger there. It had only been fifteen years, but so much had changed me. "And this," Peeta picked out a photo, "is me?"

Tim jumped up and grabbed the picture. "Dad, you were bad ass!" Tim exclaimed. Peeta ruffled his hair.

"Language, son." He exclaimed, clearly taken with pride.

"Look at that sword!" Jace rustled around the box and grabbed another picture. This one was of Peeta, Gale and Finnick in their military uniforms, posing for a standard picture. "Uncle Gale is that you? And Uncle Finnick?"

"Yeah, it is." Gale laughed, picking up another photo and handing it to Grace, who laughed and awed at it. The kids picked through the box and handed us pictures and notices, asking who was who and what each one was about. It was surprisingly wonderful, to trip down memory lane. I picked up an old, yellowed envelope with scrawled handwriting. It had only one word on the outside. _Katniss_. I ran my hand over it and smiled. Gale looked at me, and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Who is this?" Tim asked, pointing to a picture of Sydney and I that I had forgotten about. We were arm and arm in front of our apartment. "She's hot." Jace exclaimed. Tim hit his arm, chuckling.

"What, she is?"

"That's your Aunt Sydney." Peeta said, kneeling next to Tim. Marley was holding the picture in her hands, frowning.

"We don't have an Aunt Sydney." She said to Peeta.

"You did, a long time ago." I said to her.

"What happened to her, Mom?" Marley asked, eyes wide.

"She passed away."

"How?" Marley asked.

"You ask a lot a questions." I laughed. She shrugged sheepishly. "Which is a good thing. She died saving our lives."

"Yours and dad's?" Tim asked, looking up at us.

"All of ours." It was Gale that answered. "Even yours. She was a hero."

"Bet she couldn't shoot a bow and arrow like mom can." Marley said with a smile.

"No, that she could not do." Gale laughed. Taking the picture and putting it back into the box before walking over to Grace and kissing the side of her head.

"What's this?" Marley asked again, concentrating hard on a small object in her palm. The dwindling light glinted off of it, and I smiled to myself.

"It's a mockingjay pin." I answered.

"A what?" Jace asked.

"A mockingjay." Peeta said. "It's a bird. A brave, fearless bird, who stood for hope and honor and rebellion and most importantly, survival. It's was your mother's."

Marley held it out to me. I started to take it, but when I held on to it, I pressed it back into my daughter's palm. I looked into her eyes. "You keep it."

"Why?" She asked, trying to hide her excitement.

"It'll keep you safe. And, it will remind you that no matter where you are, your mother is watching out for you. Always." Peeta wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I looked back to my old squad and their families and smiled. This was how my life was supposed to be. And despite everything that had happened, I wouldn't change a thing.


End file.
